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(no subject)

Who: Rydia and Kain
What: The two need to have a talk. Again.
When: Tonight.
Where: Kain's room
Summary: Uh...the above?
Rating:

Rydia stepped inside the house as lightning crackled across the sky, the boom of thunder soon to follow. She glanced around and discarded her umbrella in a corner, then headed upstairs. About to head to her room, she glanced over to Kain's door and paused. Her earlier conversation with Celes came to mind, and she couldn't in good conscience discard it.

Sigh. This wasn't going to be the most fun conversation they ever had, and after that last one, she really just wanted to keep the peace and not bring up issues which would cause tension. But what else could she do, say nothing? Worse harm might come of it, to Kain and anyone in the house. That meant she had to seek out a certain paladin, too, but at the moment, Kain seemed the easier choice. Yes, Kain.

She headed over to his door and paused outside there for a long moment before knocking.

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Rydia nodded, thoughtful. That was a good start. She reached for her journal but didn't open it. "If that's all you know, then there's more you should see."

She flipped open to Squall's entry (http://knighted-lion.livejournal.com/4285.html) and turned it to face him. "You said you were through with allowing others to draw conclusions for you...but at least look at all the information available before doing so yourself. There should be more than enough there to at least develop some impression about him."

Kain looked at it, expression unchanging. He did consider what he saw, as much as he possibly could... but it only served to confuse, and not convince him of anything. He seemed more annoyed, and frustrated as he wrote his reply.

And maybe these people don't have the whole story, either. Lies work both ways. Besides... don't forget people could have brought up similar things about Golbez at one time... about myself, as well.

He paused, looking more annoyed as he added,

You really don't trust me to make up my own mind.

Sigh. Rydia should have known he would bring that up. That wasn't it at all, but how to explain? "It's not that! But you brushed me off earlier without even knowing anything about him, so how about your trust in me and what I know? I don't expect your or anyone to blindly go along with whatever I say, but at least read it for yourself, see what there is in the library on him, if you want more objective information. Though from what I understand so far, this has nothing to do with mind-control."

She raked a hand through her hair and sagged in her seat a touch. "I know those people, Kain. They saved my life, and I know that they're not just concerned about themselves, but everyone here. If they're right about him, then he's going to cause trouble very soon and I don't want anyone I know getting hurt. Can you understand that?"

It still bothered Kain, that she still obviously doubted him and his judgment. He would expect that of Edge, perhaps, but Rydia...? That was all he was gathering from it, anyway. Her message was only partially received by him, most of it clouded by his own issues and just plain stubbornness. He wanted to make up his mind for himself.

You still worry too much. I didn't say I don't trust you, but can't you trust me? I never said I would go off becoming his minion, did I? I meant when I said I'm through with that.

And... I won't hurt anyone. I won't turn against you or Cecil or anyone else. You have my word on that.

Shaking his head in annoyance, and needing a little space, Kain got up and paced over toward the window. He stared out a moment, folding his arms.

Rydia sighed heavily. "I know you won't hurt anyone and I do trust you. That's really not what I meant at all, and I'm sorry I gave you that impression. What I meant was more...well, look at Cecil. He's so willing to believe that everyone wants redemption as much as he did. People deserve a chance to redeem themselves, but let's face it; sometimes they're like Zemus and don't want redemption. If that happens, we ought to be prepared."

She stood up and headed over, tone softening. "When I said I don't want anyone getting hurt, I also meant you. You're not less important to me, okay?"

Kain hoped she wasn't just saying that, about trusting him. He did want to be trusted, even if there were often times that he questioned whether or not he deserved it. He didn't share Cecil's opinions on second chances as fervently, often questioning whether anything would even come of his own attempt at redemption. Perhaps not everyone who tried succeeded. Perhaps not everyone tried. He accepted that.

...so then why this issue about Kefka? He didn't like the way he was thinking, and thus saw no need to concern Rydia with any of it. She was apparently worried enough.

By the last part of what she said, Kain hung his head. He needed to tell her not to worry, that he would be fine no matter what. ...But he doubted himself a lot more lately than ever before.

Seeing Kain like that, Rydia headed over the rest of the way and rested a gentle hand on his arm. She was silent for a moment, staring directly up at him even if he could not bring himself to look at her. Her voice grew quieter. "Kain...I don't say what I don't mean. You know that."

Even when it could have cost her much during their earlier talk, Rydia had held true to that habit. Despite his issues, she hoped it sunk in that trust wasn't something she just handed out. He had earned it, but as with everyone else, that didn't make him immune to her worry. Quite the opposite.

'I know', he mouthed after a long hesitation. He'd come to count on her directness in many ways. Out of everyone, she was one who wouldn't hold back... and it always came out in a more constructive way than Edge. One of many things he appreciated about her, despite how much it could frustrate him sometimes. He still didn't understand how he'd earned her trust, especially when he still had kept his bad habits of keeping too much to himself. But he knew it was futile to question her on it.

Kain thought he'd better say something more to reassure her, but couldn't quite bring himself to move away yet to do so.

Those mouthed words relaxed reassured her a bit, but as it was, Rydia was more worried about reassuring Kain. He seemed so despondent and she hated having triggered that. Sometimes she was too headstrong about pushing her point, but with stubbornness such as his and Cecil's, was there any other way?

Since Kain hadn't recoiled at her touch, she took the opportunity to lean into him a little, giving that arm a squeeze.

Nothing less would get through to him or Cecil, truly. He'd already guessed that she might speak to him as well, and wondered vaguely how that would go. Cecil did have issues with being too trusting, after all. A different problem from Kain's, but a problem nonetheless.

Sighing, Kain stayed like that with her a bit more. He didn't really mind her being there at all. Oddly, he felt this comforting despite all the awkward moments they'd experienced lately. He even found himself moving an arm to rest it around her... just briefly, before he became uncertain if that were too much touching.

Finally, went to retrieve his journal, mildly annoyed that he couldn't just say things as they came to mind. Yet even when he wrote it out, he couldn't help but wonder whether that was too much to promise.

I'm going to be fine. You don't have to worry too much. I promise. I've already failed all of you enough in that regard.

The arm around her, even briefly, surprised Rydia. She wouldn't have labeled it as too much touching and had it not caught her off-guard, she might have been disappointed that it only lasted a brief moment. As it was, she smiled a little. It was a nice gesture.

Rydia glanced to what Kain was writing, and that last sentence tugged at the heartstrings. She looked up at him. "I know you won't." As though to squash down any uncertainty about that (and any lingering awkward thoughts), she stepped in closer for a brief but heartfelt embrace. There was nothing wrong with a friendly hug, right? Right.

Edited 2009-10-22 20:47 (UTC)

She sounded so sure of that, and Kain... wanted her to think he was just as confident. It was probably best if he kept more of his doubts to himself. Better for her, better for everyone. For their sanity's sake if nothing else. He must fight his darkness alone... even if part of him longed instead to embrace it. Sometimes it became very wearying, not knowing what side to choose. Even when he knew what was right it could be difficult to shut out that evil side. It was almost... another self entirely...

But now Rydia was hugging him, distracting him from what would have been an amazing brooding session were he alone. He was taken by surprise at first, somewhat too stunned to react. Then, slowly, he wrapped his arms around her to return the embrace. He wasn't much for hugging, but... this time he didn't mind it.

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