lucetilogs | when johnny comes marching home

...ah.

[Any pretense that she's fine was doomed from the beginning, of course; only a complete idiot would have believed it, and Shinpachi is anything but. Even so, she still hadn't wanted him to see what she imagines her back must look like right now.

After a brief pause, Ayumu forces a smile and soft laugh.]

Oh, it's nothing much. Really.

[ His face loses its lightness. If it were one of the guys, he'd slap her wound once, sharp for trying to play it off so simply. He just shows that reaction with his face. ]

I've had and treated enough wounds to know better than that... let's get you to the washroom, at least.

[Ayumu closes her eyes for a moment, her expression returning to a careful neutral, then breathes out what isn't quite a sigh and nods.]

It would be nice to get out of these wet clothes.

[ He holds a hand out to her, offering help. ]

C'mon, let's get you cleaned up and put back together. I promise, the sleep you have then will be much nicer.

[He's right and she knows it perfectly well, but if she accepts his help then he'll know that she needs it. And just how much she needs it, as well. It's enough to make Ayumu hesitate briefly before she sets her hand in his.]

I'm sorry to bother you so, Nagakura-san.

[ He holds her hand firmly and shakes his head. It doesn't matter to him. He feels better that she's tangible. He has no worry about being late this time. ]

Sleep wasn't happening tonight, anyway. It gives me something to do, right?

You do need your sleep, you know.

[And if they're talking about him maybe she can pretend not to notice how hard it is for her to work up the energy to move, or the way moving jostles the severed wing and sends renewed waves of pain echoing out along her back. She should be stronger than this, able to cope with a simple injury without worrying those she's supposed to be taking care of, and yet she still has to cling to his hand for just the support to stay sitting upright.]

I know, but I'm used to it.

[ He notices, though, but without comment. She is probably fully aware of how much she seems to be struggling. He just keeps his hand firm and steady so she at least has something sturdy to work against. ]

[With his help she manages to pull herself to her feet, but she isn't doing any better standing than she was sitting. In fact, she's doing quite a bit worse, and she has to close her eyes for a minute to regain her equilibrium. Despite that fact she still stubbornly refuses to say a word about it, keeping the conversation on him instead.]

I'm sure I could get you something to help you sleep, if you need it.

[ His other hand holds onto her arm, too, for an added amount of support. He is hoping she can just make it TO the bathroom. As awkward as it might be, he could, in theory, carry her but it wouldn't be good for her back, he knows that much. He starts trying to lead her along. ]

I'm alright with it. It's not as bad as it sounds.

[It's fortunate that the bathroom isn't far from her room, or else she might not make it there. As it is it's still difficult and he has to support a lot of her weight as she walks.]

If you're sure....

[ He moves slow, for both of their sakes, and opens the door for her and lets her step in in front of him. ]

Yeah, yeah... it's almost old game by now, this not sleeping thing.

But it really shouldn't be—

[Moving ahead of him turns out not to work so well, as the shift in her balance makes her lose it just long enough for her to bump the door frame in the darkness. It's a tiny thing, really, but the pain that results is far out of proportion to it and for an instant she just freezes in place, not moving, not even daring to breathe.

And then the moment passes and her shoulders stiffen just a bit as she refuses to let it stop her; she continues to move forward, if slowly.]

[ He doesn't notice her freeze in place. It's natural for her to need to stop in place, right now. He just keeps his own hands strong and steady for her, so she always has a balance, and follows close behind her. He'll catch her if she starts to go down. Being this close to her back makes him realize how much that is a possibility. ]

[It is a definite possibility: determination can only take her so far, after all, and she's never had to deal with injury to her all-too-vulnerable wings before. She makes it almost there before she loses the battle against weakness and fever and takes a step that doesn't quite hold her weight, sagging against his much-needed support.]

[ Shinpachi shuffles himself in quick and supports her better. ]

Just a few more steps, Ayu-nee. You can sit against the wall and rest a little while I run the water.

[It takes a moment for her to respond, but even with her eyes closed she forces a small smile in an attempt to reassure.]

I'll be all right. I just... sitting down would be nice.

Right. Here, let me help. [ He leads her to the wall near the tub. The nearer she is, the less she'll have to move to get into the tub. ]

I'll keep you from falling. Be careful of your back, alright? Don't lean too much on it.

No fear of that.

[Ayumu manages a trace of amusement in her tone, though it's clear she's straining to do it. She has no intention at all of even jostling her back, if she can help it; just walking was bad enough, much less touching the wound.

She falls silent again for a moment, concentrating on movement and balance, but there is something about the situation that hasn't escaped her. It's not as though she's particularly shy, but— things are different around the men of the Shinsengumi. When she speaks again her voice is softer, a little reluctant.]

You're all right with this?

[ Shinpachi just moves along with her, realizing how much he's sobered from this experience. He's trying to figure out how to get her sitting without touching her back.

He looks at her a moment before grinning a little in jest. ]

I'm lucky to be the one awake!

[ He shakes his head, then. ]

I'm fine with it. You need help, and I'm taking responsibility.

[With the way she's leaning more and more against him, he probably doesn't have a lot of time to make a decision; her fever is only getting worse the more she pushes herself, but she still isn't going to stop.]

Just... don't tell the others. How bad it is.

[ Shinpachi considers things a moment then leads her to the bath instead. ]

If we just do it all in the bathtub, you don't have to move twice.

[ He tries, again, to smile for her. ]

You have my word as a captain.

[She follows where she's led readily enough, since there really isn't much else she could do even if she'd planned to protest. At his promise, though, she smiles slightly in return and nods. Bad enough that one of them has to see her like this, but if he at least doesn't give all the details to the rest... she can be reassured by that.]

Thank you, Nagakura-san.

[ Shinpachi nods in response, then helps her step over the edge of the tub to stand in it. He holds both of her hands and looks her over. ]

Can you undress yourself or do you need help?

[ That question may have an obvious answer, but he feels obliged to ask. ]

I'm certain I can manage....

[Her tone says that she thinks the question silly, and of course she can undress herself. At the same time, though, when she frees a hand and reaches for the tie at her waist she's not only unusually clumsy with it, she also almost loses her balance entirely.

She has enough control not to look as embarrassed about it as she feels, at least, but it's probably still obvious.]

when johnny comes marching home

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