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Who: Lots of people. ~~I'll unlazy myself when I figure out who tags this~~
What: Lesson of the Day: Being a Nobody is suffering.
When: All through April 9th.
Where: Specified in the comments.
Summary: Jixsan has already died, and funny enough, didn't mind it that first time. But the idea of disappearing now is the last straw.
Rating: A for angst. Ideas of death usually aren't cheerful. >>

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[Vash sighs. This isn't exactly an easy topic to face.] You know, this isn't really goodbye. You're just... changing a little. Again. You'll still be [Sanji.] you. You're not really going anywhere far.

Vash...

[This isn't what he wants to hear, even if it's what he expected, and Jixsan shifts reluctantly while Vash talks. It had probably been too much to ask for a quick and easy farewell.]

He and I are too different. [Jixsan knows that better than anyone else.] It took me a long time to accept it. This isn't gonna be a little change.

I know it's not going to be easy, but this doesn't have to be goodbye.

Oh? And why not? [Damn it, Vash. He's trying not to get angry]

Because no matter how you change, you and I will always be friends. [He says it sternly. Meaning every word.]

[... Jixsan is unsure if the gunman said the right thing or the wrong one, and it sticks a pin in his anger. After regarding the other carefully, tightened expression melting, he turns away with his head bowed]

Thank you, Vash. [If he could find the words, he'd try expressing how much your friendship's helped him these past two years.

But...]

But this is goodbye for me. [A pause] For Jixsan.

You don't have to be alone.

This has nothing to do with being alone.

[Damn it, damn it]

I don't get a choice in this, alright?

You get the choice of who you're with. And you're not dying. Just some of your memories are changing.

[Vash doesn't like saying the word dying, but with how Sanji is talking and with the goodbyes, he wonders if that's what he's thinking. Vash hopes that maybe he'll be called out of line for saying something like Jixsan is getting ready to die.]

Edited 2012-04-11 06:32 (UTC)

And where is the line drawn? At what point am I Sanji, instead of Jixsan?

[He shakes his head.]

Maybe Sanji'll remember this history, but it won't make him me. I already told you, we're too different to be the same person.

[He can't help but be stubborn. Sora and Roxas are not the same person. Neither were Isa and Saix. Perhaps Lea and Axel could be considered close in personality, yet even here the Nobody can remember such clear differences.]

When he gets back, I'll be a memory.

But you aren't just Jixsan. You're Sanji. You may not remember him well because of what the Malnosso did, but at the very same you're still him. Just like now after this he'll also be you.

[It's convoluted and maybe Vash would have tried a different defense if he knew all of Jixsan's history with being Sanji. All he really knows right now is that his friend is talking like he's about to die and Vash doesn't like that type of thinking.]

[Snap]

Are you just not listening? We're fuckin different, Vash.

Like I'd want to be that guy!

I'm sorry.

Have you been told a lot about, Sanji? Does he really seem that bad to you? [He doesn't really want to go picking on his friend while talking to a version of Sanji, but he's struggling to find common ground again.

Damn those Malnosso. He clenches his fist to keep it from shaking. How dare they toy with people like this?]

Know him?

[Shit, he's trembling now]

Do you have any idea how Nobodies are born?

No. I don't.

... The original dies.

Their hearts ripped out.

Nobodies are the leftovers. We develop our own consciousness, different from that of our Somebodies.

They-

But this isn't like that! You're not dying! You're heart isn't going to ripped out!

Idiot.

The point I'm making is the moment that heart was ripped from this body, Sanji disappeared. He died. Emotions and everything that make a person who they are - that's connected to the heart. Jixsan - I didn't have that to begin with. [A shrug, stiff and heavy]

I carved out an existence the best I could, but if I get that heart back, it's my turn to disappear. Sanji will take my place.

Edited 2012-04-15 02:40 (UTC)

Are you sure Sanji completely disappeared? Maybe he was still living deep inside you?

Edited 2012-04-16 03:52 (UTC)

It doesn't work like that, Vash. [Optimism doesn't change the truth]

This is how this system works... [his mouth twists] You could say I'm giving back what didn't belong to me in the first place.

But Sanji didn't die. He just became you. He just changed... a lot.

[Oh yes, he just changed so much he's not even the same person.

Jixsan's back is already turned on Vash, but now it tenses, and the raw flavor of bitterness floods his mouth. His friend doesn't get it, and seemingly refuses to see where he's coming from.

... Ha. The Nobody had really hoped for a different response, but perhaps that was too much to ask.]

Why the hell won't you listen to me? Do I need to list all the shit I've done for you to get the picture? Things he never would've done?

If I had a choice, you wouldn't get the damn chef back at all. I'd fight every last bastard in this place to stay alive! [His fists are clenched so tightly the nails bite moon-shaped marks into the palms] And you know what he'd do? Sacrifice himself to keep everyone happy. For you guys.

[Through clenched teeth] We're not the same. [To him, that choice alone draws the line between Original and Nobody]

I'm listening. I am, but this isn't easy for me to understand right away. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay alive. I think you'd sacrifice yourself in other ways to make us happy if you had to.

And I'd be a little disappointed in Sanji too if he just decided to lay down and die. He should know that would never make me happy. [That's not exactly getting to the heart of the matter, but Vash still isn't sure how to tackle that. One thing at a time.]

... [Vash is probably telling the truth, but it doesn't wipe away the sting, or the frustration -- or how his words feel like a distraction from the subject at hand.

Breathe. Just breathe, Jixsan.]

... Whatever. [His voice takes on the weight of blissfully blank] In any case, I came to say goodbye. Who knows when the shift will kick in?

Why don't you stay here? We could grab some lunch or something before it happens.

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concasse - 2012-04-19 17:24 (UTC) - Expand

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goldenglasses - 2012-04-20 02:26 (UTC) - Expand

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