lucetilogs | Here is the place where I love you.

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Here is the place where I love you.

Who: Katniss Everdeen and Prim Everdeen (and any other resident of House 43 who might want to join in)
What: Sisters reunite
Where: House 43
When: Saturday, May 4
Summary: Katniss returns home from her kidnapping to discover that she's no longer the only Everdeen in Luceti.
Rating: PG

How many days had it been?

That was the first thought that had crossed her mind upon waking. Memories had seemed fuzzy of the days leading up to the kidnapping. A shift, she slowly realized. There had been a shift, a hijacking. And she had thought that... that Clint was her father. And Artemis her sister. An uncomfortable pang stabbed at her heart as she stood, remembering the day leading up to the kidnapping. How nice it had been to spend time with a sister. To laugh and joke and be carefree in that sort of way she hadn't been since Prim's death.

She wanted to be angry at the Malnosso for making her live through that. For making her remember just how nice it could be to have a sister to care for, to confide in. But her anger was dampened just this once. Because they had done what she had asked. She remembered that. They had given her back her song. And that made all the difference in the world.

As she continued to walk in the direction of her home, she tried to remember what else had happened. It was easier to focus on the hijacking, to not think about the time spent among the Malnosso. To try and remember if she had done anything she would regret. She didn't think so. She thought that maybe this time, unlike that damned chocolate, it hadn't been so bad. And more than that: she could sing again.

And it's almost with a smile on her face that she unlocked the door to her house and called out, "Richard? Effie?"

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Four days. She had been here four days and Katniss... Katniss hadn't. What kind of sister was she? Albeit, things like new feather arrivals and Malnosso kidnappings were out of her control. But that didn't stop the pang of guilt from hitting her. Four days. And she hadn't been there for any of them. And if Richard hadn't found her...

She didn't think what could have happened. The forests here might not have been filled with the same dangers as the ones back home, but they could be dangerous nonetheless. She owed Richard. Suddenly owed him a lot more than she previously did. He had taken care of Prim without prompting. Probably done a better job than Effie ever could. In that one action, he had earned her eternal gratitude.

But Katniss didn't have time to reassure Prim that it was okay for her to sleep in her room. Or promise that she wouldn't let Richard move out. Because she had forgotten how little the simple shifts covered. And just how much of the scars on her arms and neck were now exposed. Her face fell and she gently placed her hand next to Prim's.

The scars. They told a story all of their own. A story that she did not want to have to relay to Prim. Not when her sister's skin was completely pristine, free of any damages that the bombs caused her. She remembered though, how Effie was far from her past. Peeta had arrived right from the start of the Quarter Quell.

"I need to know," she began quietly, solemnly. "The last thing you remember, Prim? What was it?"

"The last thing?" Prim understood the question. She thought she did. Because these scars - these scars. Primrose had been training to be a doctor, and before that she'd helped their mother. She'd seen a great many wounds and she'd learned how people healed and how they didn't. There was a separate part of her mind that was cataloging the damage, offering up ideas of how it happened, even as she thought oh, no. Not Katniss.

The explosion, when they'd announced Katniss dead. And then her sister, before the bombs. Prim's name in that voice on the wind, and she'd turned - That sort of damage, with how far Katniss had been - she'd be hurt, but she could have survived, couldn't she? If she'd really been there?

She understood the question, but Prim swallowed, keeping quiet for a moment. She couldn't lie. She could, but - Katniss knew all her tells. And Prim had never lied to Katniss before. She wasn't about to start then, although she knew this would hurt. Prim swallowed again, gathering her thoughts. "I remember you. I - I thought I saw you. I did, didn't I? I saw you, just before..."

Prim didn't want to say it, but she would, if Katniss asked again.

Edited 2013-05-07 04:29 (UTC)

Just before...

She didn't have to complete the sentence. It was easy to figure it out. Why Prim might have recognized the marks that covered Katniss' body. Why her skin was still perfectly clear of any burns despite looking much the thirteen year old girl she had been when she had died.

There had been no evidence of the wound created by the spear Marvel had thrust into Rue's stomach when the girl had arrived here. No evidence of a crushed skull on Clove. And Cato? Cato's body had been little more than a mangled living corpse before she had finally killed him. But you wouldn't think twice upon seeing either of the District 2 Tributes here.

As the tears quickly came back, she crushed Prim to her again. As if holding her could make up for the way she had failed her sister. After two Hunger Games, after an uprising... she had failed her. Gale might have thought that protecting her family was the only thing he had going for him. He was wrong. It had been, at the time, the only thing she had going for herself. The only justifiable excuse to all of her cruel, murderous actions.

"I'm sorry, Prim," she whispered between sobs. How could she ever make this right? There were no more Hunger Games to volunteer for. And on drafts, you couldn't take the other's place. "Damn it. I should've been faster. I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have angered Coin. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry."

"No! It's not your fault. Katniss, it's not." When Katniss cried, so did Prim. This had always been true, and she'd already been halfway there, torn between relieved laughter at the sight of Katniss and tears because of everything that was. When she'd woken up in Luceti she'd been afraid - of whether she died, yes, but also about whether or not her sister had died. If anyone deserved to live after everything, surely it was Katniss. Katniss had protected her, protected their family with everything she had, and Prim - Prim had only ever wanted her sister to be happy, and to be useful. To make something of the life her sister had saved, time and again.

"It's not." Prim repeated herself, voice thick. "We didn't - we just didn't realize. I didn't. After the first ones - I didn't think that - " That all of the parachutes were bombs. She hadn't thought about it, none of them had. They'd just filed in, because there'd been orders shouted and there had been children hurt, and -

Coin?

"What do you mean? What did Coin have to do with anything?" She was shaking her head, unable to connect what Katniss meant. Angering Coin - well, that didn't surprise her, or upset her. But why...?

Prim was crying. Prim was crying. That much managed to slip pass Katniss' own tears, managed to get her to sober up just enough. Because Prim came first. Prim's well-being always came before Katniss' own emotions, her own survival, her own anything. If Prim wasn't happy, wasn't content, Katniss couldn't be either. And if it interfered with Katniss' own happiness? Well, her own happiness could be damned.

She pulled away enough to be able to lift up the hem of her skirt to use in place of a tissue, carefully wiping the tears from Prim's eyes.

"You shouldn't have been there," she said, maybe a little more sharply than necessary. But she shouldn't have been. She shouldn't have been in the Capitol at all. She should have been safe in District 13, too young to participate in the fight. "What were you thinking, Prim? You aren't fourteen yet. You never should have been allowed to go to the Capitol."

The bombs she could still blame on Gale and Beetee. On their hummingbird snare that shouldn't have ever been used to kill children as it had. But Prim's actual presence? In that, only President Alma Coin was to blame.

Primrose tolerated her sister's attentions, trying to breathe in and stop crying. She almost wanted to laugh - it was so like Katniss, worrying about Prim's tears, when she'd been crying because Katniss was crying, and - it was just a cycle of tears and worry. She didn't laugh, though.

What had she been thinking? Prim didn't remember thinking much of it. Only that they'd needed extra hands, and she had those, and Katniss had died and she had to do something useful, so when they'd asked her for help she'd wanted to go, on the chance that she could prevent even one more death. There had been so much death.

She'd known, then, that they were going into a war zone. But they'd arrived with soldiers, and they weren't supposed to - they weren't supposed to die. But she'd known they could.

"They needed help. You know - you know we were always understaffed, at the hospital. Especially when the entire city - when it was a war zone, they needed all the medics they could take." Prim swallowed, remembering. Did she regret that decision at all? Choosing to go?

She didn't think she could. "I wanted to help. I didn't - I didn't want anyone else to die. If there was a chance I could help to save at least one person I - I had to take it."

And Coin had taken advantage of that. Taken advantage of Prim's goodness and eagerness to make a difference and allowed her to go. Only one person could sign off on Prim's position in the group, give the a-okay for a thirteen year old to go into a war zone. If she hadn't already killed the woman, she would do so right now. But this time? She'd kill her slowly, not allow President Coin the satisfaction of a quick death.

A good most of that could be read in her face. With the way her brows knitted together as she stared slightly past Prim, grey eyes filled with fiery anger. But not at Prim. Never, ever at Prim. Not when she had only tried to do good.

"I know," she said a second or two later, trying to soften her voice. But it was hard not to seem too angry, too hurt. "And I'm proud of you, little duck. But you shouldn't have ever been let out of District 13."

"Did you - " Prim cut herself off, unsure of what she wanted to ask. The scars - that surely meant Katniss had survived that, but if Prim herself was here after her death - was her sister alive? What had happened after?

What had happened to the war? Had they won? Was there even a way to win?

"What happened to you?" In the time she didn't know and couldn't touch. "To the war?"

She just had to know if Katniss had lived. If she had - maybe that would be enough.

She felt that familiar surge of guilt. Survivor's guilt, Dr. Aurelius had called it. Pain that she had somehow survived the blasts while her sister hadn't. The unfairness of it all. That someone like Katniss survived, someone who had racked up quite a body count in the past couple of years.

But there was no doubt that this wasn't what Prim wanted to hear. Her own issues of self-worth were not ones she ought to lay on her sister's shoulders. She had already done that during the war far too many times.

"I lived," she replied, taking in a deep breath. "I saw you that day and..." Katniss trailed off and glanced down at the scars on her arms. "I lived. The war ended with that strike."

She should give her more detail than that. She should tell her about the 76th Hunger Games. About Coin's execution. But she didn't want to see the look in Prim's eyes if she ever admitted to her attempted suicide. So she glossed over those months, picking up at a point much later.

"I returned to District 12. Mom went to District 4 to help build a hospital there. I was still in 12 before I arrived here. That was a year ago."

"You lived." A confirmation of fact. Prim was filled with relief - Katniss had lived. Their mother had lived. The war had ended. A year ago, the war was over, and her family had lived on. Twelve - if Katniss had gone there, she was rebuilding it. Would have to, with how it had ended. It meant that after everything, after being the spark of rebellion to so many and forced into so many roles, Katniss was free.

That was all Prim had ever hoped for, after the war was over.

"She'd be happy there. I don't think - neither of us ever thought we'd do something like that, even..." After Katniss won. But a hospital. Her mother. It made Prim smile.

An absurd thought flickered through, and she couldn't stop herself from asking, suddenly worried. "What about Buttercup?"

She couldn't help herself. At the mention of that damn cat, she started to laugh. Of course Prim would ask after that ugly mustard colored cat of hers. The cat that she had saved all those years ago when Katniss had been more than ready to drown him in a bucket. Sometimes, she almost wondered if Prim didn't love that beast more than she loved her sister.

But all it took was one hug from her sister and she forgot all about any jealous thoughts.

"Buttercup made it back from District 13," she said with a sigh. She would have been perfectly okay if he hadn't. But she never had the hart to kick him out. Even here.] "He lives with me. But I think he likes Peeta better."

It was admittedly the most ridiculous thing she could have asked, and Prim blushed a little, but she also looked relieved. Happy. Even if she hadn't survived, the people - and creatures - she cared for most...The had been okay. And that had to count for something, didn't it? Buttercup and Katniss, living together. Prim can picture it, almost. She's glad they had one another, but gladder still for Peeta. He must have remembered, properly.

"Peeta's better?" She wants to confirm it, though. "We hijacked him back?"

It had been over a year since she had last seen that Peeta. The Peeta from her own time, who had gone through all the same events as her. Who had been helped by Dr. Aurelius, who knew the game 'Real or Not Real.' That hadn't been the Peeta who had been here. The Peeta she had finally admitted to loving.

A sad look crossed her face. She still missed him so, so much.

"Yeah. It's not perfect but..." She laughed ruefully. "Yeah."

No one had mentioned him, so he couldn't have been there - but if she'd had any doubt, the expression confirmed it. Still...at least she knew that Katniss lived, Katniss went home. Katniss had Peeta to look out for her, a Peeta Mellark who remembered he needed to look out for Katniss, even though she was strong and stubborn. Prim thought people forgot about that sometimes - even Katniss, at Thirteen.

"I'm glad." That's said firmly, with a little sigh. "That's - I'm really glad."

She nodded, unable to speak for a moment. He'd be pleased to see Prim here. He'd be so happy for them both. It made her wonder if he'd be okay with everything else happening in Katniss' life. That she had found a way to keep from being so alone. Letting Richard move in, developing that fake relationship with Sokka. Or would he be angry at her for wanting to move on?

"He was here for a short while, too," she said quietly, nodding in the direction of her bedroom. "But from a different point in time. Back from the Quarter Quell, before his hijacking. He's responsible for the painting on the walls in my bedroom."

"Different points in time..." Prim shook her head, although it was patently obvious that was true. She was here; Katniss was here, from much later, the scars on her skin telling stories Prim hadn't lived to see.

It was obviously true, but it was hard to believe. "This place is...hard to understand, sometimes." She doesn't sound upset, just - wistful, maybe. It would be nice to understand the world again. "All those shops, and so many people - so many things - "

She had been here for over a year now. Over a year and she was no where closer to understanding this world or some of the people here. They were too nice, too generous. It wasn't like Panem at all. Enough to eat. Enough to hunt and forage. And everything for free.

"I know," she said quietly, pulling Prim in to a hug. She wish she could tell her that it'd get better. But they hadn't even broached the topic of drafts or shifts yet. It was a promise she couldn't make. "But I'm not going to leave you."

Not this time.

Not on purpose, not if she could help it. Those were things Prim tacked on mentally, even though she knew that Katniss would give everything to make it true. In the reverse, so would Prim. "I won't leave you either," she said softly, hugging her sister back just as tightly.

Not again, although the last time had been beyond her control.

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Here is the place where I love you.

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