[Billy sets free a bark of bittersweet laughter at that, brief and cut off before he loses himself in hysterics or something, which, considering all the thoughts flooding into his mind now, unhindered by the weight and the wall that had kept it dull and muddled before, he feels like he could certainly do, if he let himself. Curl up and cry and scream because god, god, could he have made a bigger mess if he'd tried to? The people he's hurt, the damage he's done to the ones he loves, the absolute ruin his life here has become.
He won't let himself do that, though. There's... too much else he needs to do. Too much to atone for. And he's made Teddy worry enough already. Later. He can freak out later. He'll hold on until then... somehow, anyway.
...Right, he'd left Teddy hanging.]
I-I mean... I'm not okay, I actually feel literally the opposite of okay right now, I feel like I just woke up from the worst nightmare of my life, I feel like- like I've ruined everything I could possibly ruin but that's kind of par for the course in the life of Billy Kaplan, um-
[He's rambling. How long has it been since he rambled? Since he managed to get this many words tumbling out of his mouth in one go, rather than in fits and starts between long pauses of empty silence. it takes considerable effort to stop himself, pausing for air, inhaling, exhaling. Relax. Speak clearly. You'll make him worry.
Try again.]
...but... yeah. It's me.
[He keeps his eyes focused on Teddy's, wondering worriedly about what he sees, feeling tired, guilty, heartsick, but... whole.]
28th~
[Billy sets free a bark of bittersweet laughter at that, brief and cut off before he loses himself in hysterics or something, which, considering all the thoughts flooding into his mind now, unhindered by the weight and the wall that had kept it dull and muddled before, he feels like he could certainly do, if he let himself. Curl up and cry and scream because god, god, could he have made a bigger mess if he'd tried to? The people he's hurt, the damage he's done to the ones he loves, the absolute ruin his life here has become.
He won't let himself do that, though. There's... too much else he needs to do. Too much to atone for. And he's made Teddy worry enough already. Later. He can freak out later. He'll hold on until then... somehow, anyway.
...Right, he'd left Teddy hanging.]
I-I mean... I'm not okay, I actually feel literally the opposite of okay right now, I feel like I just woke up from the worst nightmare of my life, I feel like- like I've ruined everything I could possibly ruin but that's kind of par for the course in the life of Billy Kaplan, um-
[He's rambling. How long has it been since he rambled? Since he managed to get this many words tumbling out of his mouth in one go, rather than in fits and starts between long pauses of empty silence. it takes considerable effort to stop himself, pausing for air, inhaling, exhaling. Relax. Speak clearly. You'll make him worry.
Try again.]
...but... yeah. It's me.
[He keeps his eyes focused on Teddy's, wondering worriedly about what he sees, feeling tired, guilty, heartsick, but... whole.]
I'm back...