Billy doesn’t need Teddy to finish that sentence; he knows immediately what he means. And it breaks his heart to hear that fear, that doubt in Teddy’s voice.
Because of me. I did that.
And he’s been worrying about that for weeks now, hasn’t he? Holding back his questions and fretting about it with no way to discover the truth as long as Billy was trapped within his own confused mind. Waiting that long must have shaken his faith to the very core.
He can’t wait for Teddy to believe he’s truly back. He has to start dealing with these issues now, because god knows how long it could take to really sink in. He notices the way Teddy is scratching his arms and can’t hold back any longer- he reaches out to grab his hands, trying to pull his nails away from his skin. He needs to stop that.]
I know… I know. How can I… when I replaced you like that.
[How can I explain this? How can I even begin to describe the thought process that caused all of this?]
Teddy… what I did is inexcusable. It was horrible, and- and wrong, and I wish I could go back and make it so it never-
[He stops himself almost violently, teeth clacking together, nearly biting his tongue. Words like that, phrasing like that, it’s dangerous. He can’t talk like that, even theoretically. What if he accidentally cast a spell? What if he did turn back time, or erased memories, or worse?
He can’t risk that. Wishing, wanting, saying it aloud- he can’t do it. Not ever again.]
...It isn’t true, though. None of it is. I was- I was crazy, I was desperate, I thought you were dead, I…
[Excuses- they all sound like nothing but excuses, empty and pointless and without any hope of comfort. It sounds like a pathetic attempt to dodge blame, and that's not right.]
You were dead. I mean- I thought you were. I saw them… kill you. And I couldn’t stand it... I couldn’t deal. I… couldn’t handle the thought of… living without you. I tried to bring you back, keep you with me, and… instead, I made… that. I thought- I thought if- if I couldn’t have you, I… could at least have…
[Pathetic.
You’re so pathetic.
The truth sounds even worse than what he believed…]
28th~
Billy doesn’t need Teddy to finish that sentence; he knows immediately what he means. And it breaks his heart to hear that fear, that doubt in Teddy’s voice.
Because of me. I did that.
And he’s been worrying about that for weeks now, hasn’t he? Holding back his questions and fretting about it with no way to discover the truth as long as Billy was trapped within his own confused mind. Waiting that long must have shaken his faith to the very core.
He can’t wait for Teddy to believe he’s truly back. He has to start dealing with these issues now, because god knows how long it could take to really sink in. He notices the way Teddy is scratching his arms and can’t hold back any longer- he reaches out to grab his hands, trying to pull his nails away from his skin. He needs to stop that.]
I know… I know. How can I… when I replaced you like that.
[How can I explain this? How can I even begin to describe the thought process that caused all of this?]
Teddy… what I did is inexcusable. It was horrible, and- and wrong, and I wish I could go back and make it so it never-
[He stops himself almost violently, teeth clacking together, nearly biting his tongue. Words like that, phrasing like that, it’s dangerous. He can’t talk like that, even theoretically. What if he accidentally cast a spell? What if he did turn back time, or erased memories, or worse?
He can’t risk that. Wishing, wanting, saying it aloud- he can’t do it. Not ever again.]
...It isn’t true, though. None of it is. I was- I was crazy, I was desperate, I thought you were dead, I…
[Excuses- they all sound like nothing but excuses, empty and pointless and without any hope of comfort. It sounds like a pathetic attempt to dodge blame, and that's not right.]
You were dead. I mean- I thought you were. I saw them… kill you. And I couldn’t stand it... I couldn’t deal. I… couldn’t handle the thought of… living without you. I tried to bring you back, keep you with me, and… instead, I made… that. I thought- I thought if- if I couldn’t have you, I… could at least have…
[Pathetic.
You’re so pathetic.
The truth sounds even worse than what he believed…]
...It was wrong. It was all wrong.