[Pilouette takes a deep breath and exhales slowly before continuing.]
It didn't help that Daddy's always worked a lot, so all the neighborhood kids always asked why I was with babysitters and stuff instead of with my parents. So I started wondering, too. Like, at least my dad would come home, but I wondered why my mother left me. ...Actually for a long time, I've been really mad about her leaving, but...really, my mother was like, kind of cool.
[Her frown deepens just a little, and she hunches her shoulders.]
From what I can remember of her, she was really smart. And she was always so calm and collected. She never yelled or screamed or anything. Plus, she was really successful and had a really great job and everything. My mother...she was one of those people who seemed like they always made smart decisions, you know? So...
[Another pause, a bit longer this time. She's talked about to someone before, but...she's never really gone into detail about it. As Pilouette grew older she tried to ignore what she thought were childish feelings and she's finding talking about it just a bit more difficult than she thought it would be. She keeps her gaze on the floor as she continues.]
So, I thought that maybe I just wasn't very important. Maybe there was just something wrong with me. After all, my mother was really smart. ...And why would she leave me if it wasn't a smart thing to do...?
sorry for the textwall
It didn't help that Daddy's always worked a lot, so all the neighborhood kids always asked why I was with babysitters and stuff instead of with my parents. So I started wondering, too. Like, at least my dad would come home, but I wondered why my mother left me. ...Actually for a long time, I've been really mad about her leaving, but...really, my mother was like, kind of cool.
[Her frown deepens just a little, and she hunches her shoulders.]
From what I can remember of her, she was really smart. And she was always so calm and collected. She never yelled or screamed or anything. Plus, she was really successful and had a really great job and everything. My mother...she was one of those people who seemed like they always made smart decisions, you know? So...
[Another pause, a bit longer this time. She's talked about to someone before, but...she's never really gone into detail about it. As Pilouette grew older she tried to ignore what she thought were childish feelings and she's finding talking about it just a bit more difficult than she thought it would be. She keeps her gaze on the floor as she continues.]
So, I thought that maybe I just wasn't very important. Maybe there was just something wrong with me. After all, my mother was really smart. ...And why would she leave me if it wasn't a smart thing to do...?