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Who: Asad and Marica
What: Just some friendly talk.
When: March 13th, after Asad's thread with Leon.
Where: House #58
Summary: Marica is concerned about her friend and decides to try and find out more of what actually happened during the draft that bothered him so much. During their conversation, she finds out just how much he lost for dying in battle.
Rating: Probably PG?

Talking with Leon had helped Asad feel like less of a fool since he'd returned. He was really glad the boy had made it out all right. A bit shaken by the experience, but who wouldn't be? He still was reeling inside over being injured by his own Mark, and having to watch that happen had to have been truly horrible.

What he felt inside didn't matter. he had to act as normal as possible. He had to say what he did to Leon, because otherwise the boy wouldn't be able to live with himself. But those words were mostly true, he didn't regret for one moment dying to save someone. That was a part of being a soldier. Eventually when he returned home, he'd likely fall in battle for the sake of protecting his kingdom, one of his men, or someone who could not fight. He knew that when he had signed on in the first place. He fought so everyone would have the freedom to make their own choices and live their lives as they wished to. He fought so that people would not have to live in fear.

It was just hard to have to live with the fact that his own weapon had been turned against him. That was something Jale and Marica could never hear about. He knew their opinion of him had been shaken by this and he wasn't going to let them know. He'd rather keep the horror he felt to himself than to have them feel disappointed in him. And that was enough of a reason to try and bury those horrible thoughts of how badly he had fought that last day deep within and to never let them out.

And that was why he attempted to put a smile on his face as he returned to house #58 after doing some training. He'd worried Jale and Marica enough. That wasn't going to continue.

[ooc: Marica-mun, forgot to ask if you wanted to do it prose or commentspam, so I'm starting it with prose, if you prefer commentspam, just comment with that and I'll change this up.]

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The sending out non-combatants was definitely a truly horrible part of it. And if one of them went missing, it was up to them to deal with it. But yeah, being unable to use his best weapon so many times grew tiresome and dangerous fast.

"After the first day, I stopped bothering to bring any weapon that used mage arts. I quickly gained the ability to change weapons in the middle of a battle, often using either a bow or the swords the Blades of Night's Veil preferred. With the Marks being worse than useless out there, it was the only choice I had, and even that didn't work too well. I won't put you in danger if you have to go. You're better off honing the skills you already have."

And that doesn't even cover the fact that the Elites could shift their weapons to make them useless too. But really, the worst was having his own Mark shifted back on him. True, Marica and Jale could be trained in the mage arts easily, but with the lack of strength in here and the uselessness of them in the drafts, they would be better suited to spend their time training on things that are going to help more.

Marica frowned at Asad, journal forgotten. "Put me in danger? Asad, you're making it sound like being good at Marks and mage arts is a liability." She began to count off her fingers. "Offense aside, they're good for healing, shielding, and ability boosting. That's three things, and attacking is just one."

She crossed her arms and sat back in her seat, wondering if Asad's critical choice of words had anything to do with his mood as of late. "I don't know about you, but even if our Marks don't work against this one group of enemies, I'd still like to get better at using them -- and as far as I'm concerned, you're one of the most qualified people from our world to teach about them."

"I don't want to be responsible if you get hurt by the enemy shifting it to attack you!" And right as he said that, he realized that he just revealed what he was trying to keep to himself. True, he had told Caesar that magic was something that could be shifted also, because that very fact had been missing from their intelligence.

His voice grows quiet with his next words. "I apologize. I did not mean to belittle your skills."

Her Marks being shifted back against her? Where did that even come from? And why would her skills be "belittled" at just the thought of it?

... And just like that, the pieces clicked together. Asad said those things because they were what had been on his mind these past few days, and they'd jumped to the surface way too easily as a result. If his words alone didn't give him away, then that face of his was shouting his guilt to the heavens.

"Asad... Is that what's been bothering you?" She slowly sat up, concern ducking her hands under the table as she leaned forward. "You should know that the things that happen on the battlefield are half up to luck. Especially when your army's at as much of a disadvantage as it was, and when your enemies are so unpredictable."

"Severe burns...from my own Mark. And a sword to the chest. ...That was what killed me... The one who did it died in the same manner," His words were quiet as he said this, as if maybe if Marica couldn't quite hear it, the horror that keeps on running through his mind would not be real.

"Asad..." Anything else she might have added died away. What could anyone say to that? The members of the Company had been through plenty of dangerous battles, but by some miracle, none had ever been lost. Yes... No one from Viele Wege had died -- but that didn't mean that all of their loved ones had come back home by the war's end.

"I'm just glad you can still sit here and eat with us," she said, softly as if raising her voice any more would crack an invisible pane of glass between them.

That really was what made this all so hard. He lost plenty of people thanks to the Order. There were all those in Lazdaa Fortress, then the whole Magedom vanishing. Plenty of people didn't come back, and he never really did get a chance to deal with that and then having this happen, well it just was becoming too much. The fact that they always had so much to do to fight the Order helped because being busy meant no time to think about the horrible things.

"I'm glad for the second chance, but I hate the fact that it had a cost and I still do not know what it was and this place gives us too much time to consider the bad things."

Though really, as glad as he was to still be here, he can't help but regret in some ways that he was given a second chance, but yet all those they lost were not.

"The cost..." Marica placed an elbow on the table and propped her chin up. She'd been starting to think that the cost had been his happiness, but it was still too early to say. Besides, he didn't seem as "sad" as, say, "troubled".

"You know, to be honest," she said, her gaze drifting upward in thought, "Jale and I might not know you well enough to be able to tell if you're really missing something. Worse comes to worst, we might have to wait until we're back home. Maybe Hafin or Nakil... or even Chrodechild will be able to tell."

Troubled was far too accurate, though time will likely make it better, especially if he can distract himself somehow and not have to think about how horrible it all was. Either that, or something that will help him get his confidence back, because that battle did a number to it.

But that last statement confused him. True Hafin and Nakil would know easily and probably would have done a world of good to have around here. More because they knew what to say after a hard battle. But he could not recall someone named Chrodechild. The way Marica worded that, he should know. Thinking real quick, it sounded like someone from Astrasia, but nothing else would come to mind.

"Hafin or Nakil would know, but...I can't recall anyone by the name of Chrodechild. Or do you mean Lady Fredegund?" No, that made no sense, he barely knew Lady Fredegund.

He needed to stop thinking about this. Marica must have meant Meruvis.

"... Eh?" Marica's brain shut down for a moment. Then she sat up and stared at Asad, her eyebrows practically rocketing up into her hairline. "Chrodechild. You know... Chrodechild. I guess she's your boss now, but you've always been... well. You really don't know who I'm talking about?"

All he could do was shake his head at that. He truly did not remember this woman, but that did explain the confusion he'd been having about some details which had led him to believe it was a memory he lost, but it seemed to be a large set. So they all related to this Chrodechild and if Marica was right, she was someone he knew well. "I really do not know her."

"This can't be right," Marica murmured, bringing a hand to her chin in thought. "I guess it's possible that you could be from a different world from mine, but Jale hasn't mentioned anything about it." Unless, of course, Jale also came from a different world, but nothing about him suggested it. She would have to talk to him more about this later and see how many facts lined up between them...

But really, Chrodechild was such a large part of Asad's life that Marica had a hard time separating the two in her mind. Could she really chalk his not remembering her all up to different home worlds? "Asad, you remember the Blades of Night's Veil, right?" she asked, looking back to him. "Who was their leader?"

Could that be possible that he was from a different world from Marica? But then this Marica seemed like the one he knew.

"Of course I recall the Blades of Night's Veil. They often fought with the 2nd Mage Company after they came to the Magedom."

But their leader? Why couldn't he remember who that was? He could remember Meruvis and Roberto clearly. He should know this because he fought with them so often.

"I cannot recall their leader. I remember when we left the Magedom they came along and Meruvis was second in command and he and Roberto both were Starbearers."

"Ah..." Marica felt like she was slowly sinking into the floor. It was becoming obvious now -- the penalty for Asad's death. "And Fredegund's sister? The queen of Astrasia?" she tried again.

Honestly, Asad had been suspecting it was a memory because of the fact that certain things just were not there and some facts didn't line up. Like he knew Astrasia has a queen, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not recall her name or appearance even though he knew said queen was his commander so he must have met her. His mind wants to fill in that it must be Fredegund, but he remembers her saying she would not take a position because she betrayed her kingdom.

"I only know Lady Fredegund, and she is not the queen. I don't recall having met her sister, but I know I must have."

Marica huffed. "Well, I think we've found what you've been missing," she said, raising an eyebrow. "The question is whether or not you think it's worth trying to get it back."

That was a good question though. The only problem was he had no way of knowing now how worth it those memories were besides the fact that it was annoying to not have things match up right and he should obviously know who this person is. He frowns at that thought. "It's rather difficult to know the worth of something that cannot even be recalled. And then there is trusting an unknown to have it returned."

"And it's not really up to me to say how important those memories were," Marica added, frowning. Asad had been... an admirer of Chrodechild, to put it one way, but she couldn't be a judge of whether or not it was worth the risk to see this John person. They simply didn't know enough about him.

"Geez... Jale might have something helpful to say about this too, but he went out," she said wistfully, turning her plate back and forth with one finger.

"You can share with Jale what I told you of the draft. I'd rather not tell it again."

And there wasn't much more he could say. Marica was right, she has no way of knowing how important something so personal is. He cannot judge for himself either not knowing anything of what is missing. The only thing that could help is maybe telling some of what she and Jale saw, and even that may not be enough.

But really, it was seeming to be a bad idea to even try and think about it too much. It had been physically painful to even try and consider that much. "I think it might be best for me to not worry about it for now. We have plenty of time to consider it."

"Yeah, you're right..." Besides, if they stayed on this topic much longer, she felt like she might get a headache. The only person truly fit to determine the importance of Asad's memories of Chrodechild was Asad himself, but it wasn't like asking him was an option.

She mentally threw her hands up and went in for another bite of her sandwich. Maybe things would sort themselves out with a little bit more time. Her eyes idly wandered across the table -- and stopped on Asad's plate. "Wow, you must have been hungrier than I thought."

Still, it might be possible for him to determine the importance of those memories, just not too much at once. Things like filling in some details so he can better understand his reactions to things may help him figure out how important it all is.

But that can come later. For now, at least the basics are understood and he has a better idea what he lost. Knowing makes it easier to cope. And his thoughts are quickly interrupted by the welcome change of subject. "Ah, yeah. I guess I was. All that training you know."

"Well, it's good to have a healthy appetite!" Marica grinned and unconsciously played with a lock of hair. It really was a good sign for him to be eating well, especially since his diet had taken a turn for the scarce after his return. "If you want, I can make you another one!"

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