(no subject)

[semper_cogitans]

Who: semper_cogitans, though with replies coming from herpderpetile, and i_speak_softly. I pity anybody else who might join in advance :|;;
What: Probably the most awkward, hormone-spiked bath ever
When: March 31st, during the Unofficial Derpturtle Sleepover
Where: House 55
Summary: Robert has just the luck to be turned into a mutant red-eared slider in the middle of spring mating season, which, needless to say, is making everything a little awkward. Especially when he's been in the same house as his boyfriend (and his family) for a few days. And then, of course, he's neglecting to keep himself hydrated, so clearly Don has to get him into a bath. This won't turn awkward or fail miserably at all.
Rating: F for Fail. No, really, it's probably going to get into NC-17 territory, though knowing how much Robert and Don suck at emotional stuff, anything along those lines will likely be awkward and abortive.


So how uncomfortable is it to be in your partner's house in the middle of a mating season while simultaneously being aware of how much the rest of his family dislikes you?

Very uncomfortable, that's how uncomfortable. And that is why Robert has completely immersed himself in work on his nanocomputer, both to ignore the subtle anxiety of the various Hamatos not named Donatello looking at him disapprovingly and to try to suppress the increasingly-urgent desire to do more than just cuddle with Donatello. It was decidedly unprofessional to feel like that... and, truth be told, Robert was more than a little nervous about the idea. Eight years of self-imposed cloistered distance from people meant that sexuality was something he hadn't really ever gotten a chance to envision as anything more than furtive, broken fantasies. Never mind that his emotional abilities were skewed enough and most of his fantasies ended up depressing him somewhat because they were about Benjamin... though, the subject of them had, admittedly, changed somewhat in three months.

Okay, changed a lot.

Clearly this mental topic deserved to be crushed down in favour of typing even more fiercely at the ergonomically-designed miniature keyboard of his nanocomputer. Never mind that only having two fingers was kind of throwing him off his typing stride. Never mind the strange lethargy and general illness he felt. I have to distract my mind from this...

Somebody more knowledgeable of turtles - for example, an actual turtle - might realize Robert's more than a little dehydrated right now. That's what happens when you isolate yourself in a house where people tend to congregate around the kitchen and steadfastly refuse to do anything but work in a desperate attempt to push the hormone-induced thoughts out of your head. (And it's funny, because Robert normally wouldn't deny thoughts like this. But there isn't anywhere private enough to indulge them...)

Anybody feel like wresting him from his engrossed state at the nanocomputer?

Comments

[i_speak_softly]

Don almost moves back to the tub when Robert reaches out, as though that hand were exerting a magnetic force, but he stops himself, instead grabbing a towel and busying his own hands with it.

"Nothing's wrong. Just - " He squeezes his eyes closed. "Not during an experiment. Never during an experiment..." He turns abruptly, pressing himself against the door, and chokes out a few more words. "I want my first time to be with you..."

Then he jerks the door open and flings himself through it. He pulls it closed again behind him, but too hard, and it bounces back to crash against the opposite wall before wobbling to a halt, half ajar, leaving Robert with a view of Don's rapidly-retreating shell.

[herpderpetile.livejournal.com]

Robert is honestly stymied by those last, hurried, hushed words. 'With you'. With... his human self? With the body that wasn't what would probably be more ideal for Don?

...

What did that mean? Did... Was he actually...

It's nearly unfathomable. If Don knew what Robert was thinking about, and took into account how he'd questioned earlier how a human could be interested in him, he might appreciate the irony of Robert now wondering how Don could be interested in... well... the human body he normally had.

He wasn't anything interesting to look at as a human. Frankly he was pretty unappealing. At least as a turtle he had interesting colour patterns and his chest wasn't nearly so horribly scrawny...

Robert doesn't really have any words that wouldn't be an endless diatribe of questions. But instead of asking any of them, he sits there and watches Don walk away and feels some strange little pain in his stomach. It's a confused blend of... elation and surprise and desire and shame and irrational guilt for not being something specifically existing for the purpose of fulfilling every facet of Don's existence.

Robert's going to need some serious therapy one of these days.

[ninjacane]

He may need more therapy once Splinter is done with him. Splinter had overheard more than he had ever wanted to, and it was not good. While he knew that Donatello and Robert would eventually engage in intimate contact, they were not ready. And they had ignored his explicit instructions about that matter!

Splinter hadn't heard the entire thing, but had heard enough to know who had started it all. Donatello had merely succumbed to his hormones, then successfully fought against him. Robert had been the instigator.

Suddenly, Splinter is in the doorway, then stepping through the doorway, and finally closing the door behind him. He does not look pleased. The rat steps just to the edge of the pool of water splashed onto the floor, leaning on his can, and stares at Robert.

The rat doesn't say anything. He just stares. And stares. And stares.

[herpderpetile.livejournal.com]

It takes Robert quite awhile to realize that Splinter's even there. That's how absorbed he is in the enormity of the statement. Don... likes his human body...

Does Don find him attractive like that? It'd be the first time in such a long time that he felt attractive to anybody...

Eventually he glances up and notices Splinter's presence. No, he does not look happy. But Robert doesn't know why.

His gray, striped eyes slide up to meet the rat's gaze. He holds it for a few moments before social anxiety makes him drop it again.

"... Ah. Master Splinter, sir.

... Salutations?"

Really, why does Splinter look so angry?

[ninjacane]

Splinter is angry, yes. But it is only a momentary angry, and not one that will fester for a long time. They were stupid, but hormones were partially to blame. A cold comfort, really--except that Robert didn't know him well enough to tell the difference.

"I believe I remember wishing for you two to be discreet," Splinter states, making sure to pronounce every word. "For neither of you are ready."

[herpderpetile.livejournal.com]

"My apologies, sir. I did not think we would be a... disturbance. But I am relatively clumsy in this body, and I suppose hitting my shell on things was unpleasantly loud...

That and I suppose I am... unaccustomed to the intensity of these hormonal surges..." Robert lets a striped hand meander to his chin. His tone is so even, it's as though he was talking about something completely mundane.

The next thing kind of makes him blink in confusion and some mild apprehension. "With all due respect, sir, wouldn't it be up to Don's and my discretion as to whether we were "ready" for any particular part of a relationship?

... Granted, all of it would of course have to be mutually agreed-upon, and at any rate I feel Don should have the authority to dictate when he feels comfortable..." He was the less experienced one. The logic would thus run that Don would be the one who would need a greater adjustment period. But this is something Robert is entirely prepared to accept.

[ninjacane]

Splinter makes a rather odd expression during the course of Robert's reply. He'd rather not think about it in detail. He'd really rather not think about it in detail.

"Perhaps if you were in your body. It is Spring, and your hormones are--" Splinter makes an awkward gesture with his hand, trying to remain angry through his embarrassment; he stops speaking for a few moments before he starts again. "Donatello's... body... is telling him he is ready when he is not. It would be inappropriate and rude to push this further so soon."

There. He managed to say it.

[herpderpetile.livejournal.com]

Robert, with his brilliant inability to read expressions and emotions, has absolutely no idea that Splinter finds the topic bothersome at all, in any way, shape, or form. He doesn't even see any reason why it should be bothersome.

"He did explain to me that this is technically mating season for his subspecies," Robert notes almost brightly, still in a manner that indicates that this is a completely normal thing to be talking about. "Theoretically, at least. It certainly explained why I was feeling aroused all the time..." He muses a little to himself, still candid as ever. "It's quite a bit different from a human body, in that sense. Fascinating..."

He sobers a little. "But I don't wish to be a bother to him. If he would be uncomfortable with the prospect, then the only ethical thing to do would be to wait for a point where he felt comfortable with sexuality." Even if Robert's body is hungry for it, he's not going to push the issue, ever. He just isn't that kind of person.

"... Besides, he specifically stipulated that it should not happen during an experiment." And while Robert isn't sure why Don would prefer his skinny, pale, scarred, unpleasant-by-most-accounts human body over this foreign-but-considerably-nicer-looking turtle frame, he wants to make Don happy. He wants to make Don loved.

"... But if you have any other concerns..."

Robert doesn't realize the entire situation is a concern to Splinter.

[ninjacane]

Splinter stared at Robert. Throughout this entire conversation, Splinter had been faintly horrified that Robert was being so candid about this matter. However, now the conversation was straying into the territory of things Splinter did not wish to know about his son's boyfriend. He had left the opening for Robert to elaborate, but he was still incapable of comprehending someone without the least bit of discretion regarding sexual matters.

There were things that should be discussed with partners and never with said partner's father.

A good ninja knew when to strategically retreat. This was a perfect example of when to do so.

"No, no," Splinter spoke quickly. "My concerns are alleviated for now. Please, enjoy your bath."

[herpderpetile.livejournal.com]

That lack of discretion comes mostly from the fact that Robert both expects and appreciates the idea of Splinter wanting to know his son's sexual history. To him, it's as mundane as asking what time he's going to come back home from a social function - it's something that, as Don's father, he should express interest in purely because it's something that factors into the health of his child.

And he has no way of knowing otherwise.

"Ah, well, I'm glad to hear that...

If you ever have any other concerns, please feel free to voice them."

Robert is left with the distinct impression that something he didn't quite get has occurred again.