Ah... [He thinks he might understand, and tries vaguely to spell out the connection.]

... I... I... used because... [Softly:] ... it made me feel less alone...

... and, and... w-well, there were other reasons. I... was more competent, socially... [The kind of false social skill one achieves when one isn't dwelling on one's own fear. Namely because it's been drowned in a euphoric haze.

And then there was Benjamin. But he doesn't know if he can admit that aloud.]