Wishful thinking, patience shrinking, bliss is far away

[perplexme]

Who: [Bad username or site: perplex_me title=Roxas @ livejournal.com], [Bad username or site: flared title=Axel @ livejournal.com] and [Bad username or site: poppetry title=Xion @ livejournal.com]
What: A derptrio commiseration
When: Saturday, September 24th
Where: Roof of KH house
Summary: Xion's received some pretty terrible news, and she needs her friends more than ever.
Rating: Come on, they're Disney bbs.



When Xion first left a message for him that she wanted to meet him and Axel up on the roof, he didn't think too much on it. They did this all the time, why would it be any different? But that was before he checked the journals and heard Nami's announcement.

'Sanji's gone home', she had said.

And Roxas immediately knew what this was about.

Passing Axel's door on his way out of the house, he banged on it once with his fist to make sure the taller Nobody was either already outside waiting for him, or he was on his way. Xion needed them. He wasn't going to make her wait longer than he had to.

Comments

[flaring]

[Axel looks from Xion to Roxas once he sits down on the other side of her, giving the boy a little bit of a reassuring look, though his expression is still worried. He turns back to Xion once Roxas speaks up for them, simply staying quiet for the moment.]

[fourteen]

[ At first all she does is bury her face in her knees, like she can't bear to look at them. Like maybe if she does they'll just disappear before her eyes.

Then she leans, very gently, against Axel. She wants to reach for Roxas's hands but doesn't even have the energy for that. Her voice cracks when she speaks. ]

Hey.

[perplexme]

[He'll do it for her, reaching out and grabbing her hand to keep them all connected and scooting closer to his friends.]

...we're ready when you are. To listen, I mean.

[flaring]

[Axel will be leaning into Xion in return, just reassuring her that he's there.]

And we're here as long as you need us, got it memorized?

[fourteen]

[ She squeezes Roxas's hand probably a little too tightly for it to be comfortable and huddles against Axel, trying to control her emotions -- which are threatening to get away from her again. ]

I want you two ... to promise me something.

[perplexme]

[Okay ow...but he's not going to squirm away from that grip.]

Sure...anything. What is it?

[flaring]

[He's listening, even if he's not saying anything right now. Though he does nod in agreement with what Roxas says.]

[fourteen]

[ She's silent for a long moment. Too long. Her free arm finds a way to loop through Axel's, and she laces her fingers through Roxas's -- and by the time she's done thinking and shifting to hold onto them tighter, she's started to cry, despite her best, best efforts. ]

Promise me you won't leave.

[ Her voice is very soft, laced through with pain and grief. ]

Or, at least, if you do ... please just ... take me with you. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you two...

[perplexme]

[Man...why is Luceti such a stupid place? His first reaction is to promise to find a way to bring everyone back, but then he realizes that's not even remotely possible. Instead, he's silent, starting at the ground below them.]

...we're not going anywhere, okay? We're staying with you. Right, Axel?

[flaring]

[Is that something they can promise? With this place it's hard to even know if you're going to be here tomorrow or not. But... man. The way Xion's voice sounds makes his chest ache.

...no they would always be together. No matter what. If not here, well, then maybe in some other life. That was a promise he could make, at least.]

You're stuck with us, remember? The three of us are inseparable. That's a promise, Xion.

[fourteen]

[ For a moment she just cries, very quietly, clinging to her best friends with all her might.

They can't leave her. They can't. They won't. If they tried, she'd just follow them ... somehow. Nothing, not death, not the Malnosso, not anything could keep her from Axel and Roxas. ]

... thanks, guys. [ She breathes the words. ] I just -- I need some time. Sanji ... he was the only dad I'm ever going to have. And I miss Ginko, too, so much ... [ She squeezes her eyes shut. But she seems to have realized her grip has gone too tight, and releases some of the pressure on Axel's arm and Roxas's hand. ] ... I didn't know you could feel this sad.

[perplexme]

[When he thinks about it, he realizes that they're probably not supposed to feel this sad. But if she's a part of Sora, and Sora always feels so strongly about everything...it made sense. But he wasn't going to vocalize that. It didn't matter if they were supposed to feel or not; what mattered was that they were able to feel and that Xion felt horrible. He glanced over her head to look at Axel, trying to gauge what his other best friend was thinking.]

...if you can feel this sad...maybe that means someday you'll feel that happy again. It might not be soon, and it might not be easy, but it's possible. Isn't that true, Axel? [It was like they were back in the Organization again as the brand new born members, always turning to Axel to be the stable one, the one who had the answers. But Roxas was beginning to wonder if there even was an answer to something like this. Sure he had lost people, but nobody as close to him like Xion was close to Sanji and Ginko.]

[flaring]

[There's a long pause from Axel as he stares out at the distance. He doesn't really have an answer this time. Not really, anyway. It's not like he's the best person to ask about loss, seeing as how he reacted fairly bad in the past to losing Roxas. He went AWOL from the Organization, kidnapped Kairi to try and get Sora, then... well.

It was... lonely. But Roxas is right. Axel sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.]

Yeah, just give it some time. [A beat.] I think you just gotta remember all the good times you hand with 'em. It's hard to tell how long any of us are going to be here, but... if you remember all the memories you made with them, then they'll always be a part of you.

[fourteen]

[ She smiles at that, a reflexive and sad thing. ] I was thinking about that, once ... what happens to the memories we make when we go home. It's nice to think that they'll always be there, in our hearts and theirs... even if we can't remember them.

[ Xion leans her head against Axel's arm, but she looks at Roxas. ] ... maybe ... maybe someday. I feel like all I want to do is cry. It's ... it's so strange. I guess this is what a real person feels like... [ She laughs, hollow and quiet. ] Because I am a real person. That's what they'd tell me.

[perplexme]

...do you believe them? [It's a tentative question, because he's curious just how much of an impact the pair of men had on her.]

[flaring]

[He glances briefly to Roxas at his question before looking back at Xion curiously for her answer. If she wasn't attached to his arm like that he'd probably be tempted to give her a hug. She looks like she needs it.]

[fourteen]

... I am real. [ Very quiet, on a breath. ] I -- I care about people. And they ... care about me. [ She looks between them -- Roxas, then Axel -- then smiles to herself and stares away at nothing. ] I'm not ... just ... some Replica. I'm a person like everyone else. [ The words are a struggle for her, and it's clear. But she's saying them. ] Because ... because only a real person could care this much. [ Her voice breaks, and it's so, so soft, but there is some conviction there.

She means it. ] So ... so ... yeah. I believe them.

[ It's not just them. A lot of this is Luke, too. And Mewtwo. And Sora. And Sokka, and Draco, and Fenimore. It's Haruhi and Mia and Hope and Masaomi and Noel and Nami and Giles and .... and Axel and Roxas, too. It's everyone. Everyone she's ever loved in some way has brought this point home.

But it was those two men to try the hardest to deliver that message. And it looks like, for all their efforts, they succeeded. ]

[perplexme]

Just...don't forget, okay? You can't ever forget what you believe or it'll be like forgetting them, and it'd make them sad. If you remember what they've taught you, they'll never really be gone.

At least that's what I think. Maybe I'm being dumb about it...what do you think, Axel?

[flaring]

[He grins over at Roxas after giving Xion a little bit of a nudge with his arm in reassurance.]

Nah, I agree. Heh, you've come a long way, Xion. You just gotta carry on with what they taught you and make them proud.

[fourteen]

[ Finally, she lets go of Axel's arm. Finally, she releases Roxas's hand. She wraps her arms around her knees again and rests her chin on them. And she nods, the motion abrupt and quick. ]

I'm going to try. But ... I can't do this alone. I guess that's why I've got you two. [ Her smile is so crooked, and faint. ] When I'm with you guys ... I'm never alone, not even when I'm by myself. Because I know you're here.

[perplexme]

Exactly. And we're not going anywhere for a really long time. Axel's right, you're stuck with us. [He's still looking over the top of her head to glance at Axel. He wants to help make her feel better now, but he's not sure how. But Axel will know. Axel knows almost everything.]