Another Seraph Bites The Dust

[fortunefail]

Who: Yuan Ka-Fai and Kratos Aurion.
What: The aftermath of Dhaos departing.
When: Shortly after this.
Where: House #8.
Summary: Yuan is having his period-- difficulty coping with watching people leave and Kratos attempts to offer aid. It backfires spectacularly.
Rating: PG-13 for cursing, probably?

[The moment Yuan heard Grune's announcement, he'd been sitting at the desk in his room. He had heard it, and then he'd gotten to his feet to pace around in an anxious manner. Dhaos... Dhaos is truly gone. It's so hard to grasp. He hadn't been a man Yuan had seen around too often. Dhaos hadn't been a man whose company he would seek out just for the sake of having company. And yet...

He had invited Dhaos into his house many times. They had been childhood friends and even in-laws during a particular experiment. He had told the man of Cruxis- of Origin and the Eternal Sword. Of Mithos Yggdrasill and his sister, Martel. In turn, Yuan had learned about Derris-Kharlan's future. It had had a population of about a billion angels before a war broke out in Dhaos' time. Norn's tree had been destroyed- no, it will be destroyed by a Mana Cannon. The same device that had doomed Ratatosk's tree in the past and the same thing that had, ironically, been used to save the Great Seed and Martel in a more present time. And Kratos... Kratos will not be present on Derris-Kharlan to prevent what doomed Dhaos' people. Just as Yuan will not be present to save the Yggdrasill tree from whatever causes it harm in the future. They are powerless to stop history from unfolding as it will. Yuan had told Dhaos: "It's our destiny to destroy and rebuild, only to destroy once more." Dhaos had replied with: "If there is evil in this world... it lurks in the hearts of men."

They had been kindred spirits, in a way. Not because of their identity as Seraphim, but because of their similar ways of thinking. They've both lived long enough to see the results of man's ignorance and they both understand it could never be fixed. Their conversations had always been pleasant. Though it was unspoken, they had truly been friends. If Dhaos were to return to Luceti, would he remember this at all?

Yuan has lost so many like this man over the past few years already. Usagi, Zoisite, Rupert, Cooro, Diana... All people he had grown fond of, only to have them depart from his life. And Martel... She's left him five times already. He would say it's the danger of living in a place like Luceti, but hasn't this been happening to him for his entire life already? It isn't the curse of Luceti, it's the curse of being forced to live even after all these years. It will keep happening. He will likely outlive Lloyd and his companions, and anyone else he might still meet.

It's a bitter realization he had come to many years ago, but whenever something like this happens, it only becomes confirmed once more. It stings all over again, and Yuan finds himself overcome by rage just because of how unfair it is. He knows it's a selfish notion, but he often finds himself yearning for the day when he would be the one to leave everyone else behind. Some people might miss him, but in time they would forget, as they too will be 'sent home'.

But until then... Until then...! With one forceful swoop of the arm, Yuan sends everything on his desk flying. A glass of water, a couple of stray pens... A coffee maker he'd been disassembling falls to the ground and breaks with a loud crashing sound. The journal slides towards his wardrobe, but luckily it remained closed. The noise is bound to alert his housemate, but he doesn't even care at this point. He just needs some way- any way to vent his frustration.]

Comments

[shiningbinds]

...it's what he would do. [Lloyd would want everyone to protect each other, even if there wasn't much one could do to prevent anything at times.]

[fortunefail]

[He? Who the hell is--

Oh. Of course. Lloyd. It's always about Lloyd. Kratos isn't here because he cares about Yuan, it's because he cares about his son. It's because Lloyd would be disappointed if he didn't try to stand by his companion.]

I don't care about what he would do! He's not here and his opinion means nothing to me!

[shiningbinds]

But I am here, Yuan. Does that truly mean nothing?

[fortunefail]

How much longer do you think you'll be here? You could be gone tomorrow and then what will I do?! Wait for you to return, like I did last time?!

[It's all just so pointless. So goddamn utterly pointless.]

[shiningbinds]

What makes you so certain that I will be the one who leaves first? The fact that you've been here longer seems to mean nothing.

[fortunefail]

Because that would be just my fucking luck. It's not like I can count on you to be there either way!

[It isn't until he's finished speaking those words that he realizes what he just blurted out. What that implies. Goddammit he's said too much again.]

[shiningbinds]

[Kratos' eyes narrow.]

And why would I not be alongside you, back home?

[fortunefail]

[Goddammit. Of course Kratos would catch on. Yuan's hands shift their position upwards so he can press his palms against his eyes, fingers disappearing between locks of hair.]

Forget it. Just forget it.

[shiningbinds]

Yuan. Why would I not be there? [The way he asks the question is gentler this time, but not by too much.]

[fortunefail]

[Yuan's having a hard time finding the right words to explain this. As rational as the decision had been back then, he's found himself despising it more and more. There had been no helping it, just as there's no helping the departures from Luceti, and to hell with it all if it isn't unfair.

When he speaks, his voice is far more bitter than he'd like.]

Because you left.

[shiningbinds]

[...

Well, then. He had asked.

For what seems to be quite a long time, Kratos doesn't say anything. There's too much to think about, just from those mere three words. Eventually, he does speak again:]

And you felt it... necessary to omit this detail when I first arrived.

[fortunefail]

What would you have done if you'd known?

[There was already so much 'overwhelming' news to break to Kratos. The release of Origin's seal, Mithos' death, the revival of the Kharlan Tree, the reunification of the worlds... The tension between them had already been difficult enough to clear up- It still wasn't gone. If Kratos had known that he would leave all that they would accomplish behind without a second thought, would he have bothered to try and patch things up at all?]

[shiningbinds]

Does it matter?

[Yuan seems keen on being alone. Is there even a point in continuing to patch things up now?]

[fortunefail]

[That's so typical for Kratos; answering a question with another question. Yuan knows that kind of deflection only too well.]

My point is that I withheld the information for your own good. [It's the only justification Yuan can come up with, even after all this time. That he didn't tell Kratos to protect him. Any other reason for neglecting to include that detail would be far less noble.]

[shiningbinds]

You have no reason to protect me, if I've truly abandoned everyone. [So why would he? If Yuan is so angry at him over leaving, why bother trying to protect him? Or perhaps that is Kratos' own self loathing speaking.]

[fortunefail]

[Kratos is being so calm about this whole thing, and yet... At the same time, there is that underlying tone that Yuan recognizes. That tone that he suspected would surface if Kratos knew.]

Just shut up! You don't even know what really happened! ["Abandoned"... It's true that Kratos left everyone and everything, but he did it for a reason. A reason that Yuan himself agreed to, because even if it meant losing a friend, it was for the sake of Derris-Kharlan and all those Exspheres.]

[shiningbinds]

Then enlighten me. [Talking to Yuan right now is like having whiplash. Kratos doesn't know what to really make of any of this.]

[fortunefail]

[Yuan utters a bit of a frustrated growl, because he really should've seen that coming. He manages to speak through gritted teeth.]

Derris-Kharlan. That's where you went. Someone had to watch over the angels and the remaining Exspheres, and you volunteered.

[shiningbinds]

[...

That makes sense. Kratos can see himself doing that, all too well. He doesn't respond, instead allowing himself to further take this information in.]

[fortunefail]

[Yuan won't speak either. There's no doubt Kratos can grasp what it means to leave with Derris-Kharlan. Stuck in that horrid place forever, signs of Cruxis still tainting it, never able to return to his home...

But someone had to do it.]

[shiningbinds]

[Kratos turns to leave again. It's a lot of information to process, though Yuan had hardly said anything at all. He knows if Lloyd were here, he would want Kratos to keep pushing forward and do all he could while he remains in Luceti. But currently, with what he now knows, there lies hopelessness.

And Lloyd isn't here. He left months ago.

It makes him feel hollow, along with what he knows now. Every bit of progress he might have made to patch things up with Yuan feels meaningless. Would Yuan even allow him to remain under this roof? Even if he did, would it be a good idea, with all that's happened? With all that will?]

[fortunefail]

[Yuan isn't going to let him walk just like that, this time. He's not going to get up from the bed, he's not going to plea. He'll just share one last bit of information. He doesn't know if Kratos is already aware of this and he doesn't know if it'll help. He's got nothing to lose, at this point.]

... Dhaos told me that in his time, over four thousand years in the future, the population of Derris-Kharlan has risen to billions. All his people. ... I would never have expected them to prosper without Yggdrasill's guidance, but it seems the freedom is exactly what they needed.

[shiningbinds]

[Kratos faces Yuan again, wide-eyed.

Billions. The population will rise that high, they'll prosper...

And in a way, Kratos will allow that freedom to occur. For that prosperity to happen. Despite everything he's done wrong in his life, despite every error he's made, despite the fact that he will leave everything he's known behind, including his own son...

Kratos will have a hand in creation rather than destruction. It reminds him of when he first learned of Anna's pregnancy with Lloyd, despite that memory meaning more to him. But it's the feeling, not the memory itself. The feeling of allowing life to begin and grow instead of standing by while so many were destroyed in human ranches.

And it had been his son who had put an end to Mithos' chaos.

It will be Kratos' decision to leave on Derris-Kharlan that will lead to the angels to experience life again--true life.

Perhaps that is the true way he will atone for all of his sins. The way he'd find redemption.

This, too, is a lot to take in... but in a different way.]

...I see. [It's all he can bring himself to say, but the previous despair is almost completely gone from his voice now.]

[fortunefail]

[Well. It seems like that helped. He can't fault Kratos for leaving when he does, especially because he knows what will come out of it. He's sure that this population of billions would never come to be if his friend didn't choose the path he did. Dhaos would never come to be.

Though, that doesn't change the fact that Kratos won't be there when Yuan goes home. Nor will Mithos, nor will Martel. It'll be only him, working for redemption in his own way. And damn does that prospect hurt.]

...

[shiningbinds]

...what do you wish for me to do? [The information Yuan's given him may been a lot to take in, but Kratos is still unsure what the other man wants out of him. Does Yuan even see a point in continuing to fix things between them?]