(no subject)

[ahappylie]

Who: ahappylie and zumo
What: Burning books like a loser
When: Evening of the 19th, coooooold
Where: Behind House 50 in the woods
Summary: Souji likes to be a historical butthat and burn books relating to Shinsengumi stuff. Someone is going to find him. Oops.
Rating: PG-13 WHOOPS, Hijikata-san has a potty mouth :(

[It's cold outside, but it isn't any worse than anything he experienced at home. The autumn cold was a nice sort, even if it was cold and windy. The wind made it hard to keep the fire going, but practice made perfect and Souji was quite practiced at what he was doing.

He'd dug a deep pit in the forest and filled it with leaves and dry wood, set it on fire and had waited until the blaze was big enough that not even the wind and cold could stop it. Then, one by one, he took books from the bags at his side and dropped them into the all consuming fire. The logs snapped and the fire greedily licked at the pages and bindings.

Even if no one was around to read them anymore, he had to destroy them. It was like a ritual to which he was now a slave. He stared as the fire browned the pages of history and waited for the fire to die down to put another on.]

Comments

[zumo]

[Some of his housemates have expressed concern in the past that Hijikata's spending too much time in the house. And he's brushed those concerns away, as he does.

What they may not know is that he actually does get out and about, and often. It's just that he normally waits until they're asleep--or hopped off to Good Spirits, in Heisuke's case.

Not just because it's easier to be alone at night...but because no matter how he may pretend otherwise, it really is much less painful to wait until the sun is setting.

So on this particular, rather unfriendly night, Hijikata sets off into the woods and sees....smoke, over in that direction. Uhhhhh.

Quickly, he moves to see what's wrong, if anything. This is rather close to their house, after all, and Oh, it's just Okita having a bonfire.

...................

Okita having a bonfire? He knows the guy is... weird, but.

As he gets closer, he happens to see what he is burning on the pile. Paper does burn fast, but apparently the other Souji just has bad timing tonight. The vice commander calls out, sounding almost, almost, amused.]

This seems a little suspicious, Okita. Even if it is you.

[He approaches calmly, not particularly caring to look at what these books actually are yet. Better get rid of the rest of them fast...!]

[ahappylie]

[He hadn't been expecting someone, least of all him. When he hears the now familiar voice, he freezes as panic overtakes him. He doesn't want anyone to know it's him who is destroying the history books, but there isn't enough time to throw all of them on the fire without looking crazy. He quickly pulls the flaps of the two bags at his side closed, while the three books waiting in his hands are tossed onto the flame. The rest will have to wait. There just isn't enough time to dispose of all of them properly with Hijikata so close.

While waiting for the three newest to burn through, he steels himself against the ever present shock of looking up to see an unfamiliar face to go with the person he has followed for over 15 years.

By the time Hijikata makes it to the fire, he's simply sitting there poking the fire with a dead stick.]

I'm just ridding the house of garbage. It's easier when everyone else is asleep, before I go to work.

[zumo]

And this type of garbage deserves its own special sending off, does it? Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. Souji was never a big reader, but I don't think even he would take it this far.

["Souji." He always makes sure to keep that distinction between the family name and the given name, now. A constant reminder for the other man that he wasn't "his" Souji. His Souji, who's good with kids and laughs at death whether he's dishing it out or facing it, and who acts like he hasn't matured a day since Hijikata first met him.

He just gives Okita a sideways glance as he pokes at the fire. And he'll keep doing that until he gets a response. Or a confession. Whichever, really.]

[ahappylie]

It was becoming a clutter.

[He smiles up at Hijikata and then looks away.

Right. The distinction. Each time he says their name differently it just reminds him; he's been left three times and he can never get back to where he was or who he was. For a moment, he stares at the fire and then pokes it again, causing a log to collapse. He can see differences himself, even if it's just because of age and experiences - but all in all, he can see himself in "Souji."

Just the "himself" that had first arrived here three years ago.]

We're very different, aren't we? I suppose we would have to be.

[He unconsciously takes out another book and tosses it onto the fire to replace the log that collapsed.]

Does it bother you?

oh oops maybe it's not pg this guy has a mouth on him

[zumo]

[Squinting at that new book.....Yeah, he saw that title. For now, though, he'll address the question.]

Does having two Okita Soujis to deal with bother me? ...You tell me. Doesn't the fact that you exist mean there's some other bastard named Hijikata Toshizo walking around somewhere fucking everything up?

Does it bother you? That why you're burning a history book right now?

fffffffff I'll bump up for language

[ahappylie]

[Sigh. Souji sits back as the book catches fire and a burst of flame illuminates the fire pit.]

Yes and no, but not necessarily in that order.

But you needn't worry; Hijikata-san isn't here anymore. I don't think he'll ever come back.

[He stokes the fire, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice and managing remarkably well. Being left behind leaves him angry and hurt, but that isn't the sort of Okita that everyone wants to see so he just plows on through it.]

:3

[zumo]

[He scoffs.] I'm not talking about here.

[Giving a curt nod towards Okita's bags, Hijikata takes on a much more firm tone.] If you've got any more in there, you might as well hand 'em over now.

If you think your own history is garbage or clutter, that's your business, but some of us want to read that.

[Hijikata, at least, needs to make sure these books don't make any mention of a certain something.]

[ahappylie]

Hijikata-san does what he thinks is right and I follow him. I always will.

[Souji looks up at Hijikata and smiles as he stands. Then, in one fluid movement, he kicks one bag into the fire.]

It's easier this way, isn't it?

[zumo]

["Hijikata-san does what he thinks is right and I follow him."

...

Those are words he never, ever, ever thought he'd hear from Okita Souji. Any incarnation of him. Not even over his own dead body.

So, being rather stunned by the most important law of the universe shattering, Hijikata just looks at Okita very....strangely....as he stands. Like he has three heads, perhaps. Yeah, that sounds about right.

This also leads to a delayed reaction when the supposed-but-probably-actually-not-Okita offs the first bag. Hijikata can't do much but stare at it.]

What are you...

[Uh, what is this guy's deal. Attempting to recover swiftly, he reaches down for the second one.]

[ahappylie]

[Why look at him so strangely? Souji knew that his other self and this Hijikata-san had a strained relationship, but really? Was it that bad?

With the first bag quickly catching fire, Souji has to move fast when Hijikata comes for the second, he kicks one leg out and hooks his foot through the loop in the back, sweeping his foot wide and to right, trying to arc it out of his reach.]

Ooh~ No no, these are mine. You shouldn't steal what doesn't belong to you, Hijikata-san. Not without asking first.

[zumo]

[Dammit. Just...fuck his life. Really. It's either ~mysterious~ history books that might be chock full of evidence, or it's a goddamn poetry collection.

Well, his Souji, he can humor by chasing him around as the captain snickers and prances around like an idiot. This one? Has another thing coming.

Briefly forgetting the bag of goodies, Hijikata springs up and grabs Okita's collar, leaning in close, all pure, unadulterated frustration.]

Just what the fuck are you playing at? This is some kind of game to you?

[ahappylie]

[Grabbed by the collar, Souji goes stiff for a moment. He has to remember that this is Hijikata - his superior officer (somewhat) - and thus he can't just jab his knee into his stomach, crack an elbow into the side of his head and throw him in the fire.

That is what he would do to an enemy, but not Hijikata. Not even a Hijikata that wasn't his.

Right. Calm.

He relaxes after a moment, the initial shock wearing off and then he looks at Hijikata plainly over the crumpled edges of his kimono, letting all pretenses drop for once.]

Do you think I would be out here at night burning the pages of the most painful memories I haven't even lived yet if I thought it was a game?

my god that's like the creepiest icon in all of creation

[zumo]

[Hijikata, for his part, braces himself for something very like that. The Souji he knows would roll his eyes and smart-mouth right back, but Okita Souji(s) has a well-deserved reputation, and this one has proven to be...a wild card, we'll say.

The retaliation doesn't come, though.

No, in fact, Hijikata would probably have preferred it had, based on what the man says afterward.

Staring long and hard into his eyes, Hijikata finally releases Okita and steps back, but his critical gaze doesn't waver.]

I've got news for you, kid. If it hasn't happened for you yet? You're lucky. Not to mention it doesn't even count as a memory at all.

Reading it in some book written by people who lived decades after we're both dead wouldn't even come close to the real thing.

i know right? crazy faaaaaace

[ahappylie]

[He smooths his clothes out and coughs once, pressing against his side. Breathing is stupid and hard. Screw it.

He looks down at the fire and then at the bag of books on the other side. He moves his foot, dragging it closer, ready to throw it in.

Hijikata knew. He came from after - it made sense, what with the short hair and the way he looked at the rest of the house sometimes like they were ghosts. Souji should say something reassuring or joke or do something, but he's tired and his side hurts.]

No, I suppose it wouldn't, but I wouldn't count me as lucky.

[He kneels and takes out another book, looking hard at the cover. How many times has he opened this one, hoping the contents would be different? That someone from home would survive because of some kernel of knowledge that bled back through? He holds it out to Hijikata.]

Neither of us are very lucky, to know what comes next. We each lose something that way.

[For him, a future. For Hijikata? His friends, his peace of mind, everything.]

This is the last one. The rest are just stories. It takes a week for them to come back.

[zumo]

[Hijikata takes the offered book, and idly thumbs through it as he listens.

He does raise an eyebrow a little after Okita mentions the time frame. A week?

Hijikata's looked for books like this more or less since he got here. Which was over two months ago. The implications aren't hard to figure out.

..........Okay then, Other Souji. Okay then.]

To be honest? I don't know what's "next" for me at all. But I can make a pretty good guess.

[The ochimizu in his blood would burn right through his lifespan, like he's seen for so many others. Or he'd succumb to madness before that could happen and be put down. Or, hey, maybe he'd just fucking freeze to death in Ezo. Either way, he knows very well how it ends.

And then Hijikata laughs. Not out of humor, or happiness. It's one of those odd, nervous laughs you just can't help but let out as tension dissolves and you need to do something to fill the silence.]

I don't think I need to spoil myself, though. [He taps the cover, almost affectionately.] There's only one word I'm looking for in here. If I find it...shit, I can't promise I won't come right back out here and burn it like a lunatic, too.

[ahappylie]

[If it's anything like what Souji knows, he gets the feeling that Hijikata won't like it. It's one of the reasons he's tempted to steal the book back and just toss it into the fire. It's a skewed sense of loyalty and something even less tangible that stops him as he watches Hijikata tap the book's cover.]

Well, that's not a very nice way to put it.

[He is not a lunatic, okay. It's called saving people the pain of living with the knowledge they're all just going to die fruitlessly anyway. It doesn't really bother him, though. He's been called a lot worse before. He shifts through the books and takes out a smaller selection of manga, tossing them in.]

But I'll be here until my shift starts at the Welcome Center.

Shall I keep the fire going for you?

[zumo]

I'm not a very nice guy. ["Lunatic" was, in fact, him putting it kindly.

Tucking the book under his arm, Hijikata gives Okita one last sideways glance before turning his back, preparing to head out and continue his walk. And, apparently, to do some light reading before sleep finally finds him.]

If we did our jobs right back then, you won't have to. Have fun terrifying newcomers.

[Or...whatever it is that you do there.]

[ahappylie]

Not on the outside, but-- [He looks at Hijikata as he turns to leave, watching him with a veiled sadness behind his eyes. He's so very much like the Hijikata he knows, and yet the differences are big enough that it's unlikely they'll ever be able to be friends like Souji and his version are. But it also makes him sad because he wonders what caused there to be such a difference in their relationships to make him like this.

Turning back to the fire, he sits back down to finish his work.] -- No, I apologize.

I am sorry for disturbing your rest, Hijikata-san.

[zumo]

[He just shakes his head; brushing off the concern like he's so comfortable with doing.]

Forget about it. I was gonna be up for a few more hours yet, anyway.

[And then he sets out, back in the direction he arrived from. He can't decide if he's eager to get back so he can answer his question, or eager to put distance between himself and the man behind him.]