lucetilogs | There'll be trouble when the kidz come out

There'll be trouble when the kidz come out

Who: All remaining draftees
What: Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!
When: The 29th to 31st
Where: Vaskoth
Summary: Please read here for event information
Rating: B for BRRAAAIIIINSSSS

On the 29th, the Malnosso announce over the radios that the power cap will be lifted to a full 100%. Carol broadcasts a message.

On the 30th, the Malnosso declare Vaskoth completely lost. Those with radio access will discover that the enclosure is to be bombed.

On the 31st, survivors will have one last chance to evacuate or try to find the cure. 3PM is do or die.

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[Billy's gaze drops to the book, takes a moment to read the title, then tries to smile - fails miserably - and looks away, not taking it.]

I... don't think that'll help right now.

Books always help.

[Loki shakes it a little in his hand.]

Even if simply something upon which to hold.

[Billy hesitates a moment longer, then finally accepts it, clenching it tightly with both hands. He doesn't bother opening it - his eyes are too red and blurry to read a word of it - but he holds it tight enough to turn his knuckles white. Maybe it'll help. Maybe.]

I must not look like much of a hero right now, haha...

[Loki smiles sadly.]

You look like my student, and friend, and someone with whom I share a common pain.

[He hesitates for a long moment, but has an ache of his own, gnawing away, the feeling of being diminished. It is a creeping, ever-present chill.

Carefully, he puts an arm around Billy's shoulders.]

[It takes a moment. A long moment where he resists, a protest sitting on the very tip of his tongue. That he's an Avenger. That he's supposed to be a hero - whether he feels or looks like one or not - and that heroes shouldn't just break down and cry in the middle of a crisis. Heroes fight. Heroes stay strong and keep working and save people and- and-

-and just... what, watch them die?

He can't fight. He can't make the cure. He can barely carry supplies. Without his powers he feels useless, weak, pathetic, just a kid who stumbles around and gets in the way. Who breaks down and cries like a baby because he can't think of anything better to do when the people around him are being hurt and he can't just wave his hands and wish it away.

He can't do it.

So the moment passes, and a soft, strangled noise escapes his throat, and he bends his head in a bow, his forehead bumping against Loki's shoulder. He cries because a part of his mind is screaming, not again, not again, not again.

But no amount of chanting will make this go away.]

[Loki swallows against a strange sort of lump in his throat. His arm tightens around Billy's shoulders and he turns his head, resting his chin on Billy's head.

He doesn't say 'It will be all right' because right now, that's too big of a lie even for him to voice.]

[It's good, because Billy wouldn't believe it, anyway. Nothing feels alright at this moment. His greatest hero is dead. He has friends wounded, dying, dead, infected. And the only escape isn't victory but a coward's way out.

It feels hopeless, and it just makes him cry all the more. Prepare to be clung to, Loki, because you're lifeline #2. The book is all but forgotten.]

[This isn't the first time he's ever dealt with a crying person, but it's been a long, long time, emotionally and temporally both. But some things the heart doesn't forget, even if it's often ignored. He wraps his other arm around Billy, rocking the young man slightly.]

[He'll probably be shocked by this care later on, the fact that Loki of all people is holding him like this- but then, no one from that particular universe is as simplified as one grows up reading about in comic books. Maybe he'll think about that, consider what that means for the younger Loki and his elder, same-universe counterpart. But not now.

Now he focuses on two things- how much his chest is burning, how it hurts to cry like this, but also how, little by little, the embrace offers him some semblance of comfort.]

Sorry... I-I'm sorry...

No need to be sorry. No need at all.

I-I'm supposed to be... stronger than this. I had so much power, b-but I- I couldn't... I couldn't do anything and now...

[He feels empty, the pool of magic, of pure power, overturned within him. Everything that gave him strength and purpose and confidence is gone.]

We both did what we could. [Loki's tone is soothing, but a little strained. Well, Loki doesn't cry. But Billy seems to be doing that for both of them, to a certain extent. Though no one would ever mistake Loki for a hero, least of all himself.]

You still possess the most powerful weapons of all: a sharp mind and a strong heart.

[Billy chokes on a noise that is halfway between a laugh and a sob, shaking his head. That's familiar. His own mother had said something like that before he even knew who she was.

Hadn't done the trick then, and it certainly wasn't helping now.]

H... ha... I've heard that before... but it's not enough. It's never enough...

[That is a painful sound to hear, one Loki has uttered himself many times. Loki shakes his head slightly.]

It must be enough, Billy. It is what we have. So we shall make do.

[It's always been hard to prod Billy out of his defeatist attitude- cynicism is as much of a balm as his own sarcasm, and he clings to it just as much as he clings to Loki's shirt.

It's never enough. Never enough.]

I want... my power back. I want it... I need it, I...

[He shudders, burying his face against the material, his words muffled, a useless and desperate mantra.]

...iwantmypowersbackiwantmypowersbackiwantmypowersbackiwantmypowersback...

Shh, Billy. Shh. [Loki closes his eyes tightly and rocks Billy in his arms because damnit he wants to be doing that same thing in his heart of hearts, even knowing it won't work. It's like a gaping hole inside him, a bleeding wound that will eventually kill him. And there isn't anything he can do for himself in this, nothing he can do for Billy either.]

[He keeps up the chant for a while longer, resisting it, but eventually he succumbs to the rocking and his own broken voice, dissolving into muffled, hiccuping coughs and hoarse sobs. There's nothing he can do right now. Later, when he's cried himself empty, when there are no more tears to shed or he kicks himself out of this misery, he'll get up, and he'll be useful, and he'll pretend this never happened.

Now, though? He needs to cry. So he cries.]

I... I'm scared. I'm scared of what'll happen... to all of us. If we can't cure this, if we all get caught, or...

[Eaten. God, he couldn't even stomach the crappy CGI and fake gore in movies and video games. This is real, and it's a hundred times worse.]

[Loki sighs quietly. This too, has been on his mind, though in a much more clinical manner.]

I will not allow that to happen.

[Billy shudders at that, jerking slightly in his grasp, his tone desperate and terrified.]

Look around you! It's a freaking zombie apocalypse here- we can't do anything...! It spreads and spreads and everyone dies...

[It's something out of a horror movie. The Malnosso or the Third Party are the Umbrella Corporation now and it could spread beyond this enclosure, consume this world, and they can't even get home...!]

I cannot speak as to a cure... I know nothing about such things.

There's never a cure. Not ever. It spreads and we die. That's how it always goes.

[Zombie movies. Goddamn zombie movies. If they get out of this he's never watching one again.

But they're probably not getting out of this, and that reminds him of something else he hasn't done yet.]

L... listen... I-I need you... to do me a favour...

[Loki goes very still. Well, of course... he can already feel that request coming, felt it before. And it makes sense. In a situation such as this, as he has pointed out before, death is a mercy, a kindness. And one of the few kindnesses Loki is really capable of providing.

But something hurts about this.]

...don't. [He turns his head slightly, cheek rather than chin against Billy's hair.] I will. You have my word. But do not speak it.

[Billy opens his mouth to respond - to say it anyway, to be sure that Loki understands - but before he can get a word out, his throat closes over and he has to swallow again, remaining silent instead. He doesn't have to say it- of course Loki understands. He's a logical, intelligent person, and they're in the middle of a world where even the slightest injury in the wrong circumstances is a death sentence. Worse than that, a promise that you'll become a monster.

He doesn't want to be a monster. Not ever. And Loki's just given him an escape. It's an awful request, and in retrospect he hadn't wanted to say it. One more thing to be grateful for.

He slumps back against the man, shoulders trembling a little, and closes his eyes to hide the relief he feels. Teddy... wouldn't understand, but someday he'd be grateful. He shouldn't be the one to do it, if it comes to that.

When it comes to that.]

...thanks...

[The relief is there, in his voice, soft and tremulous. Loki is the only one he can ask.]

[Loki laughs, a sound that has nothing to do with humor and everything to do with pain.] Do not thank me for such a thing.

[That's an unpleasant sound if he's ever heard one. Billy winces, holding back a pained retort - that he's already done so, that he was raised to thank someone when they agreee to do you a favour, especially an unpleasant one, that he should just shut up and accept it - but no. He knows better.

You don't thank someone for agreeing to kill you.

He bites his lip, torn for a moment, then merely nods and buries his face against Loki's shirt again. He's not thankful, he doesn't want to die, he just... doesn't know who else could.]

29th

complicatedliar - 2012-10-30 21:03 (UTC) - Expand

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