lucetilogs | I hear in my mind all these voices/I hear in my mind all these words

I hear in my mind all these voices/I hear in my mind all these words

Who: Loki, Rogue, Ororo, and Logan
What: A Peaceful Conversation
When: Wednesday, July 10th, evening
Where: The X-House
Summary A discussion about Rogue's powers
Rating: 'G' for 'Oh Gawd, oh Gawd, we're all gonna die' (PG, maybe PG13 for language)

To say that Rogue wasn't looking forward to this meeting would not be entirely accurate. It would be closer to the truth to say that she'd been sick over it, except she hadn't experienced the relief losing her supper would have brought.

She was almost glad to have to worry about how Loki, Logan, and Ororo would get along; it was a distraction from what really worried her, from what they needed to talk about.

Rogue ate dinner at home, trusting them not to try and corner her for the information there, wanting to show them that she was still considering herself a part of the family. About a half hour before the meeting was set to begin, she walked down to pick up Loki. She'd let him know she was leaving so they could meet halfway. Holding on to his hand, Rogue opened the door to face Storm and Wolverine

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Loki would have much preferred some sort of neutral ground for this meeting. He was committed to being civil, for Rogue's sake. It was important that she started working on her problem with her powers, and picking a fight with Logan or Ororo would only hurt that goal.

But this still made him feel grumpy. Knowing it was Logan's "territory" so to speak, he wasn't looking forward to dealing with the man, with gritting his teeth and being polite.

He was doing this, he reminded himself firmly, because it was a step in ensuring Rogue's safety. That was a good reason. He could figure out some sort of subtle revenge later if he became too annoyed.

Then again, perhaps the best revenge in this case would be the fact that he was right and they had been so very wrong, about so many things. He could comfort himself with that.

He kept a firm hold of Rogue's hand, not out of nervousness, but from wanting her to feel more secure.

Logan sat in the living room, looking about as agitated as he always did. As a matter of fact, he was more on edge than usual, though he was doing a remarkable job of restraining himself. He was loathe to have much to do with Loki and the thought of him being in this house did more than make him angry. He'd just as soon have Magneto over for tea than he would stand in a room with Loki.

But he stayed in one place, in his usual seat, with one leg crossed and his arms folded. A permanent scowl adorned his features. He didn't shift when the door opened for Rogue and Loki to walk in. His eyes darted in their direction and his eyes didn't leave the Asgardian.

Ororo had been waiting by one of the windows. Aside from her arms crossed tersely across her chest, she seemed outwardly calm about this meeting. The gentle rain already falling outside helped soothe her, and it was probably for that reason only that she wasn't letting her feelings add thunder and lightning to the mix.

She glanced up as Rogue led Loki inside. And since Logan hadn't moved or said a word, she took it upon herself to step forward and welcome them in.

"Rogue. Loki." She greeted them both with a brief nod of her head. "Come in."

Actually stepping inside of her house with Loki was strange. It was weird to hear Storm say 'Come in;' it was her house. It had been her house since before Logan and Ororo had arrived, when she had been the ranking X-Man.

...thank God she wasn't the one responsible for everyone anymore. She was so glad that they were here, so glad she could go to them with this.

Even though she wished she didn't have to, even though it made her stomach physically sick. Even though she wished Logan wasn't stating at Loki that way. Although... it made her realize that she had an opportunity here she may never have again.

She decided to take it.

Turning to Loki she asked, "Would you put the shield on me?"

After receiving his confirmation, Rogue squeezed his hand in gratitude. Then she released his hand and began peeling off her gloves as she took long strides across the room. Gloves tucked into her belt, Rogue reached out and wrapped Ororo in a close hug.

"Thank you," she whispered. And then she just held the other woman closer.

That magic was easy enough, since they were in the same room; Loki complied with Rogue's request without more than a small hand gesture, then let her go on. He simply stood silently back and waited, his attention focused on Rogue. He wasn't going to pay Logan any mind, to be certain. That would be asking to make things unpleasant for everyone.

Logan knew what Rogue was doing. It was a point, she was making. Trying to justify Loki as some kind of positive influence. He was doing things for her the X-Men had never been able to do for her. When it came down to it, he wanted to be happy for her.

But he didn't trust it. Magneto had given the same thing to Scott. He'd been given control of his powers and no longer had to hide behind a pair of special glasses. His brother was given instant control of his powers. And Magneto pretended it was all an act of generosity when it was anything but.

And now Rogue was falling for it as well. He remained quiet, though. He'd let Rogue have this moment because they were here to talk about other things.

Edited 2013-07-14 03:13 (UTC)

Ororo froze. Rogue had taken her time stepping over to her, and she had some inkling of what she was going to do - but being there, in the moment, with Rogue actually coming forward and initiating physical contact for once in her life - Ororo couldn't deny how significant this moment was for them both.

A beat passed before she let her arms wrap around Rogue to return the embrace. For that moment she let herself forget that Loki was standing right there, choosing instead to focus on this gift that she wasn't sure she'd have again.

She held Rogue close for a few quiet seconds more before she drew back a bit, just enough to keep her at armslength, before speaking up quietly and curiously.

"... Rogue?"

Things between them had been rough recently, and asking to bring Loki into their house hadn't helped matters at all... So this was something of a surprise to the older woman.

Rogue pressed her lips together and shook her head, eyes suspiciously bright. Being able to hug someone she cared about so much without being afraid... that was a gift that was incomparable.

"It's a long story," she said quietly. "Just... thank you."

Rogue glanced over her shoulder at Logan and hesitated. She had never had to be as completely cautious about touching him as any of the others; his ability practically guaranteed that he'd survive her touch, and she'd had to touch him several times just because of his ability to heal. A spot that had no scar over her chest ached for a moment in memory. The way he was glaring, however, assured her that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her freedom to touch if it came from Loki. That, and another memory of when the two of them had touched freely, was enough to keep her from inviting him to stand with her and Ororo now.

Instead she turned her attention back to Storm and reached up a hand tuck a strand of flawless white hair behind Ororo's ear. She laughed, and it sounded a little like crying, and stepped away.

Looking to Loki, she reached out her bare hand to him. Once he took her hand, she'd move so they could sit side-by-side on the sofa.

Loki took her hand silently, though for a moment after, he did look directly at Logan. His expression was utterly neutral, but perhaps what he thought showed through: You can't take her from me.

He followed along to sit next to her on the couch, but maintained his silence even then. He certainly wasn't going to go picking any fights, not with Rogue watching. He was more than happy to give them opportunities to look like the unreasonable and hostile ones, even. It was sound strategy.

Given the opportunity, he'd gladly rip Loki's throat out. But he was being civil. His eyes went to Ororo and then to Rogue. They'd had their greetings. There was a hug. That was plenty.

"Alright, kid. We're all here. So let's hear it."

Ororo moved over to the couch to sit next to Logan, folding her hands together on her lap. Now that Rogue had moved back to Loki - took his hand in hers in show of intimacy that still didn't sit well with her at all - she was back to being unsettled and wary. She didn't like having him here, and she didn't like how eerily quiet he'd been since coming in.

Ororo glanced at Loki once, then at Logan as he spoke up, before settling her gaze over on Rogue expectantly.

She hadn't given any thought to how she'd start this. And now that it was here, and she had to talk about it, there was a moment when her throat seized. She squeezed Loki's hand so hard, he might end up being glad of his frost giant heritage for once in his life.

"I need ta talk to you about my powers. I mean, I need you all to talk about my powers. We need to talk about them, because... because they almost took me over again. And this time, there wasn't any reason for it, there was nothin' wrong, I was just sittin' there - and they kept getting louder and louder until I couldn't keep them out anymore."

She took a breath, leaning forward, "I need to know if there was anything the professor told you about my powers after that day I lost control - anything at all. Anything he might not have wanted me to know because he wanted to protect me, or anything about them at all that I don't already know."

She'd tell them what happened later and they could all hash it out, tell them what Loki had said and done, but first, this was what she needed to know.

Loki gave no outward sign of just how tightly she was squeezing his hand. He gave hers a little squeeze in return; there wasn't anything else he could do.

He did finally speak. "I am of the opinion that it was not for... no reason. Power will out. If one ignores power, it will exercise itself in other ways."

Another breakdown... He remembered all too well how things had went on the draft. If this was happening without any reason, it could eventually spell serious trouble. More than before, he would have preferred Loki wasn't here. This was a team thing. Even if he did have to acknowledge the man's point.

"Hmm. There'd been... plans." Contingency plans. He didn't care to go into them any more than he expected Ororo to. The boy, Leech, had been brought up. Other options were not so pretty. "But what he had to do? He ain't ever liked having to get inside yer head to fix it. When he put ya back together last time, he knew it could happen again. Ya keep building a wall with fragments, it's only gonna weaker and weaker each time."

Ororo had shifted forward at the mention of Rogue's powers, concerned and momentarily forgetting her misgivings about Loki's presence for the moment. She frowned, crossing her arms across her chest and thought back to what the Professor had told them, so long ago now.

"What Logan means is that the Professor couldn't promise that building shields against your psyches would always be an effective solution. That it would eventually be less effective as time went on, every time he would have to put them up." She glanced at Logan briefly before turning back to Rogue. "As far as I understood it, silencing them was never meant to be more than a temporary measure."

Rogue's brow furrowed. That sounded awfully familiar, "What do you mean?"

She had very few mental defenses before joining the X-Men. She still vividly remembered what it had been like that first night, when Cody had taken over. After joining the X-Men, the professor had offered to help her. He'd worked with her mental defenses and built on them, reinforcing the wall she had constructed on her own.

She didn't remember any mention of it as being temporary at the time... but this was exactly why she wanted to talk to Logan and Ororo. The professor didn't like telling them everything he knew all at once; he wanted to protect them.

He wasn't here anymore.

But if silencing them would only be temporary... then what could he have possibly expected from her?

Rogue glanced at Loki, her brow still furrowed, and added, "Loki has a theory about them. That's why I wanted to make sure we could all talk about them together."

She gave him a nod, essentially giving him permission to speak about his theory now, or wait, or whatever he wanted to do.

Well, all right. He had known she'd want him to go over this. He didn't think either of them would listen, considering it was coming from him. But that was their loss, ultimately.

"After what I have observed, and what Rogue has told me, it seems her power shares similarities with certain types of magic. And like magic, if she does not use her power, if she tries to ignore it or control it by walling it off, it will build up to a point where it will overwhelm her. That is what nearly happened. Fundamental power like that must be used, or it will ultimately use the person who possesses it.

"These psyches are not foreign invaders. They are connected to her, something like the spirits a shaman might call upon. But because her power instinctively creates them, they are in fact part of her power, part of her; that is why removing them causes such harm. And like a shaman, she can... ride them and access their particular powers. This, all of us have seen."

Predictably, Logan cared little for Loki's theory. He did listen and while there were parts that made sense, it was not the idea that he primarily took issue with. For all he knew, he may have been right. It's not like Magneto failed to deliver on his promise to Scott and Alex. But there had been another motive behind it. With men like Loki, there was always some motive behind this. He was just trying to figure out what.

So he addressed Rogue's question instead

"Chuck always wanted ya to get your powers under control on your own, kid. He did his part to keep ya from losin' it, but the end goal was always to find out some way for you to control your powers." He glanced at Loki. "Can't much say knew what his strategy was, though."

"I know that he wanted that," she said, leaning forward a little. One hand still held on to Loki's tightly. "But what about after he had to erase my psyches. Did he say anything about that? Is there any reason why what Loki's saying shouldn't be somethin' for us to try?"

Rogue looked down, "Because... my wall's not holdin'. Every night it gets so loud... and every time I go in and out of the barrier, it gets worse."

And that wasn't something she could always control. If she lost it on a draft...

"He was confident you'd master it, eventually. But he was all for taking it slow." Logan looked to Loki and set his jaw.

It ain't a half bad plan. But what is he playing at...

"... his plan ain't a bad one. Wouldn't call it a good one, either. But if we do this, we're doing it on our terms, not his. We do it in the Dome. If yer gonna lose control, it's gonna be somewhere that can handle the damage."

Loki raised an eyebrow, his hand tightening slightly on Rogue's. He had a feeling the implication there was that he wouldn't be welcome, since Logan apparently wanted control of the environment.

That, he would not stand for.

"Caution is not unwarranted," he said. "But I am far more concerned about Rogue herself in this endeavor. I daresay what made the difference in this last incident was my somewhat fumbling attempt at talking her through it. And the Battle Dome is a very... public venue." He glanced at Rogue, inviting her opinion since it was, of course, her issue.

He couldn't imagine her liking that idea at all, so he might as well bring it up. There was enough pressure when learning something new without having to deal with an audience.

Edited 2013-07-22 15:43 (UTC)

Ororo had been quiet for the most part, preferring to listen to what everyone had to say about the matter before adding her own two cents in.

"It is, yes. But it is also the safest option we have. As much as I know we would all like a measure of privacy in this, I think it would be unwise not to take advantage of the Dome and its benefits." Ororo knew that she would have jumped at the opportunity to learn how to use her powers in a place like the Dome if it meant not flooding entire villages. Something that she had a feeling Rogue would already know about her, having grasped her powers and memories before.

"... Of course, the final decision lies with you and what you are comfortable with. But no one will look at you differently for wanting to gain control over your powers, Rogue." She gentled her gaze. "Your powers are a gift. They're nothing to be ashamed of."

Rogue squirmed a little uncomfortably at that; she hated hearing it. Her powers were not a gift, they were a curse. She knew that was the X-Man official line, but she had always had a hard time accepting it when it came to herself.

Loki was right, of course. The thought of trying to... contact her psyches in some way in public was enough to make her want to puke. The vast majority of the village, even of the people she considered her friends, were still ignorant of the full nature of her powers.

No one would look at her differently if she was seeking to control her powers? Like she hadn't been trying to control her powers as long as she'd discovered them?

But no, that wasn't important. She didn't care, she didn't care what people thought about her if only she could find a way to keep from growing mad. And Rogue trusted Logan and Ororo - there had to be a reason they were suggesting this, though the thought that she would get so out of control immediately as to cause some kind of massive destruction made her feel ill. Even when the psyches had taken over the first time, her first response had been to run rather than to attack - but they hadn't been there. They'd only seen when Mystique and Scott and the others had driven her to the point of being willing to attack anyone and everyone...

She squeezed Loki's hand and looked down. "Just what kinda benefits are you seein' for me in the Battle Dome? Is someone gonna stay out by the console ready to pull the switch when something happens?"

The thought tied her stomach into knots.

She made herself look up at them, "An' just what kinda training did you have in mind?"

I daresay what made the difference in this last incident was my somewhat fumbling attempt at talking her through it.

Logan bristled at Loki's comment and the arrogant belief that somehow he possessed some unique ability to calm Rogue down. Logan himself had done it. There was nothing extraordinary in doing so. It was no special gift. He only trusted that at the heart of the young woman, she had no desire to kill and that she needed to be trusted, even when she seemed at her most dangerous. He only did what Kitty had done for him when he'd lost control as well. He spoke to her heart.

But there was little point in arguing over who could talk Rogue down the easiest, because he had no intention of repeating that scenario.

"The Dome can cap our powers. My own claws can't penetrate its edges. So we make good on it. There ain't no point in goin' cold turkey when it comes to how ya deal with everything up in yer head. So we take it slow. We ain't got nuthin' but time in this place. So I suggest we make good on it."

He looked to Ororo, Loki, then back to Rogue.

"It'll be public. There'll be someone at the switch. An' it may not exactly be the prettiest way of doing it. But it's the right way to do it."

Loki remained silent as the others spoke, though he did squeeze Rogue's hand when Ororo called her powers a gift. While he was loathe to agree with the annoying woman about anything, it was in line with what he'd been trying to tell Rogue himself, that her power was part of her and not something to be dismissed.

Though he did say, his tone a bit cool, "I'm curious about this training regimen myself." Because if it was so effective, if they knew how to go about dealing with Rogue's powers so much better than he... "And why it was not implemented before now."

As for the Battle Dome, it was Rogue's choice. If she put her foot down and did not want to use the facility, he would back her up.

And here, Ororo hesitated. She didn't quite care for the tone of Loki's voice, but the fact of the matter was that she didn't have a clear answer for either of them.

"To be honest, Rogue, Charles had never filled us in completely on what sort of plans he had for you." She glanced at Logan briefly for confirmation, then back to Rogue. "For the most part, he'd wanted to see if you couldn't master your powers yourself, first."

"I am, however, curious as to what ideas the two of you might have come up with yourselves. Perhaps we can work together and come up with something that will suit you best." Because as much as she didn't relish the thought of working together with Loki, Ororo had to admit that his input and Rogue's trust in him - trust she didn't give lightly - would be invaluable in this situation.

Rogue's brow furrowed. So... they didn't have anything in mind. They just wanted her in the Battle Dome for its failsafes.

Like she was some kind of monster.

Your powers are a gift.

Ha.

But at least they were open to trying to form some kind of training routine with Loki, that was a start, right? All Rogue wanted to do was keep from losing her mind.

She wet her lips and looked down, "This... last time. They were so loud. They were pushing against the wall and I just couldn't... think. It hurt so much."

It was a lot for Rogue to admit pain.

"I went in to try and stop them, but nothing would work, no form of meditation or dealing with them that I knew. Loki..." she was squeezing his hand so hard. She took a shuddering breath, "Loki encouraged me to try and find one that felt friendly and use their ability. So I made a window in it - in the wall. And I was able to somehow grab hold of Kitty."

She looked up, "And of you, Ororo. And I was able to use your powers until I was exhausted and the psyches were quiet again."

The idea of embracing the friendly psyches certainly seemed like a legitimate strategy. One that worked, too. He couldn't argue with results. To Ororo, he offered her the confirmation she was looking for. To everything else, he had little to say.

He looked to Loki. "It's your idea, your training regimen. I ain't the one with the new ideas here, you are."

Not anything he cared to say. Putting Loki in charge of anything was the furthest thing from a good idea he could think of. In the end, the Dome wasn't just for Rogue. It was for Loki, too. If this god of mischief showed his true colors and tried to manipulate or exploit Rogue, he'd be somewhere they could corner him.

Well, he hadn't been expecting that. A show of good sense from Logan, how shocking. He even let a flicker if that surprise show on his face.

"Interesting. Well, it will be a great deal of meditation. The focus must be on communication and negotiation with these... Psyches while they are still manageable. Then actual practice riding them. Friendliest ones first."

He glanced at Rogue; he knew she hadn't been happy about the idea of the Battle Dome, but she hadn't protested much either. He decided to hedge his bets. "To start with the emphasis must be on concentration and control. If the environment of the Battle Dome proves too distracting, I will require that we go elsewhere."

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I hear in my mind all these voices/I hear in my mind all these words

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