[That was what scared Souji the most - the promise that he wouldn't be left behind again. He'd been promised too many times and every time it ended with an empty room and no chance to say goodbye. Even the quiet disappearances that others never seemed to notice, Souji saw and felt and knew. He looked down at their hands, still linked for this brief moment and he wondered.]
...No one ever plans on going away.
[But they all had - Sasurai, Kohaku, Martel, all his friends from home, the alternate versions of them, Ramirez, Giles, everyone. Once he got attached, they always left and came back rarely, if ever, and Souji was tired of learning to open his heart only to have to close it again. He stared at the unfamiliar hand in his, smaller, less rough, and felt the heartbeat of his friend - someone who could be more if he would (could?) only take that leap of faith.
Cliff would never push, Souji was too afraid of himself to act; they'd be stuck like this forever and he'd been in this position far too many times for far too long before. It ached and he felt hollow at the same time and the warmth of the hand began to burn his skin. He lingered a moment too long, a moment that telegraphed everything about how much he wanted this but couldn't bring himself to take the chance and he knew it, but some part of him wanted Cliff to know that, too. Eventually he pulled his hand away and it felt like slicing his skin open on hot steel, the lingering warmth growing colder by the moment.]
I've seen too many people shed tears over the lost, and I promised someone I would never cry again. I don't want to break that promise.
[He just had to keep convincing himself it was impossible - that Cliff was just playing along, being a joking friend, only a friend - and he could live with the ache as he had for years back home. He knew what it was to be in love, but to never have it. He knew how to cope, how to smile and tease and keep everything at arm's length. He just had to do it again. He just had to forget what it felt like to be loved during the summer and how much of a hole it left in him. He just had to smile and he raised his face slightly, smiling like he always did, hiding away even as he felt a part of him beating against walls as he did so.]
But for as long as you are here, so will I be. Someone has to keep you and Fayt-kun entertained, hm?
no subject
...No one ever plans on going away.
[But they all had - Sasurai, Kohaku, Martel, all his friends from home, the alternate versions of them, Ramirez, Giles, everyone. Once he got attached, they always left and came back rarely, if ever, and Souji was tired of learning to open his heart only to have to close it again. He stared at the unfamiliar hand in his, smaller, less rough, and felt the heartbeat of his friend - someone who could be more if he would (could?) only take that leap of faith.
Cliff would never push, Souji was too afraid of himself to act; they'd be stuck like this forever and he'd been in this position far too many times for far too long before. It ached and he felt hollow at the same time and the warmth of the hand began to burn his skin. He lingered a moment too long, a moment that telegraphed everything about how much he wanted this but couldn't bring himself to take the chance and he knew it, but some part of him wanted Cliff to know that, too. Eventually he pulled his hand away and it felt like slicing his skin open on hot steel, the lingering warmth growing colder by the moment.]
I've seen too many people shed tears over the lost, and I promised someone I would never cry again. I don't want to break that promise.
[He just had to keep convincing himself it was impossible - that Cliff was just playing along, being a joking friend, only a friend - and he could live with the ache as he had for years back home. He knew what it was to be in love, but to never have it. He knew how to cope, how to smile and tease and keep everything at arm's length. He just had to do it again. He just had to forget what it felt like to be loved during the summer and how much of a hole it left in him. He just had to smile and he raised his face slightly, smiling like he always did, hiding away even as he felt a part of him beating against walls as he did so.]
But for as long as you are here, so will I be. Someone has to keep you and Fayt-kun entertained, hm?