lucetilogs | ( Closed )

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Who: Anakin and Padmé
What: A very determined Senator is chasing the Jedi she loves best.
When: A week ago.
Where: The farm.
Summary: Love isn't easy.
Rating: PG-13 for darker themes.
The woman who had infinite patience for her people fought herself for days in order to leave her husband to his thoughts. Every morning she woke, expecting to find him beside her and every night she only managed to fall asleep once she had thoroughly exhausted herself. Exhaustion was the only thing that gave her a respite from constantly imagining Anakin suffering alone.

However the time finally came when she couldn't stand to be away from him for a moment longer. She briefly collected her thoughts, cloaked herself - for anonymity - and left the house. Her steps took her through the village streets as silently as a ghost. The first place she visited was the farm where she knew Anakin would throw himself into work to forget his pain.

They shared that trait.

Pausing in the middle of the odds and ends, she kept her silence. Calling his name might give her away - he was trying to stay away from her, after all - yet that was probably a lost cause. The Force would inform him of her presence.

Suppressing a sigh, she moved around one robot and then another, holding her cloak close to her body. As the sun set, she looked more and more like a shadow moving independently of the fading light.

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Anakin held strong convictions but he really did have a weakness for Padmé. He felt her approach towards the farm and didn’t leave. He knew she was coming and thought he could just stay on the other side of it while she looked for him. But then he needed something from the area she was in and he reasoned he could just go retrieve the item without crossing paths with her…

Little by little his conviction caved to the desire to just see Padmé again until he finally was standing before her telling himself he was doing this just to ask her not to come see him again… but even that was a weak thought compared to the pounding of his heart.

“Padmé…” he took a step and then stopped.

There was a special way that he said her name; it made her strength crumble and her heart ache. Yet her heart-ache wasn't anything new. She had shared his pain ever since they had parted. How could so many good intentions - and she hadn't doubted that his intentions were good - become so corrupted?

The answer was simple: Palpatine. He had slowly guided Anakin down a path of pure darkness. By the time she came to his side, he had gone too far from the light.

But that wasn't the case here.

She had to make him see that.

First, however, he would have to bear a tight embrace as she closed the space between them.

"Ani!" she breathed, pressing her lips against his neck, "I wanted to give you time, but I can't stay away. Don't ask me to."

All of Anakin’s resolve to do what he thought was right and necessary melted away when Padmé rushed to embrace him. The weight of her body against his and in his arms was deceptively soothing. Now that she was here he didn’t want to ever let go of her.

“I missed you,” he said. Even though he knew it would make it that much harder to let her go. “I wish you could stay.”

Everything about him came rushing back and Padmé wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms until the darkness and dangers passed. But that wasn't a solution and his words brought her back to a sense of reality.

"If I go away, I'll only come back again." it was her nature - she couldn't question it, "Anakin, please listen to me. The future in our universe is out of our hands, but we have control over our future here." she paused only long enough to give him a desperate kiss, "There is no one I love more than you, Luke and Leia. I don't fear you; I don't hate you; I don't blame you."

In his shoes, she would be just as hard on herself, she knew.

"Let me stay beside you. There's no hurry for either of us."

“But you should blame me, Padmé.” He pulled back enough to look down at her. He wanted her to stay with him, but he wanted her to stay alive more than that. “I’m dangerous- you told me, I attack you. That is my fault.”

"I'm the one who gets to decide that." she was giving him her most stubborn of frowns, "You attacked me under intense circumstances. Those circumstances do not exist here. Your mind is clear and Palpatine is far, far from you."

And he would stay that way if he didn't want a certain Senator firing shots at him every chance she got.

“No, Padmé.” He took a step back from her to give him the space he needed to not get lost in her touch again. “My mind isn’t clear. I can’t think about those last few without feeling like the ground is dropping out from under me. I don’t know what are my thoughts and what are his. And even without that- the Jedi have been saying it for years. I’m dangerous.”

"Ani, I've heard what the Jedi say and you know Obi-Wan and I disagree with them." heavily. Part of her would never forgive them for putting such thoughts into his head - especially now.

"You're powerful; you can - and will - cause change, but whether that change is for the better or for the worse is up to you. I know there's good in you." she wouldn't stop pursuing him, yet for the moment she stood still, "Tell me, right now, how do you feel about achieving a true and stable democracy? Is that something you want?"

It was interesting indeed what he had internalized from his time with the Jedi.

“What?” Anakin shook his head. “I don’t care about politics- I don’t like politics. I care about you. I don't want to hurt you.”

Obi-Wan had said it best when he said Anakin wasn’t loyal to causes or principles or ideals – he was loyal to people. And right now he wanted Padmé to be safe.

Though, he would readily agree Palpatine as Emperor and the fall of the Republic was a terrible tragedy. He just didn’t think in terms of if he supported democracy or not – he thought in terms of the people he cared about and what they needed.

She should have known better. Her expression softened and she almost smiled. Anakin had never had much patience - or any - for politics, but that hadn't been why she had asked the question.

"I ask because, when you attack me, you want to rule your own empire." so, it followed, if he wanted people to live in peace then he wasn't under Palpatine's control.

"I'm not deluded or being unreasonable. I love you." she did nothing to temper the longing in her eyes, "I believe in you. The last thing I want you to do is torment yourself with things that haven't come to pass for you yet."

“That’s not what I want.” He shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to enter politics – loving Padmé was as close as he wanted to get to all of that. “I just want you safe.”

And Anakin wasn’t convinced he was absolved from anything just because it hadn’t happened yet for him.

“But they have happened – for Luke and Leia. That mattes, that counts. We don’t get to change anything back home. I’m still the same person, I’m still a danger to everyone.”

"And I am safe." her eyes stung, "The safest place for me is with you." it was how she felt. Knowing he was in the village - mere walking distance between them - was maddening. She hated being away from him and knowing he was suffering.

"Luke and Leia have never pushed you away. They want to know you. You are their father and -" she pressed her lips together, "I don't regret marrying you. I'm proud to be your wife. What the future holds..." she closed her eyes tiredly, "It isn't what we want. I'm sorry, Ani. If Palpatine were here, he wouldn't survive a meeting with me."

It was the first time she had felt so fiercely angry at another. But he had not only taken Anakin from her, but also Luke, Leia and the democracy she had worked so hard to achieve.

Anakin felt a spike of anger at that; because he knew that Leia was pushing him away, she didn’t want to get to know him, and she did not see him as her father. He could feel it through the Force. Saying otherwise hurt on so many levels – it ignored the truth and played him like some kind of fool.

“Padmé, stop telling me that! Stop trying to lie to me about Leia, I know she doesn’t want to know me- she doesn’t consider me her father! Stop trying thinking I’m some gullible idiot who can’t see what’s right in front of him.”

Everything was growing dark again and Padmé felt her breath catch. Her vision swayed and she grabbed onto Anakin's arm, trying to steady herself. She felt sick and frustrated, but now wasn't the time to break or lose her temper.

Her family was on the precipice. They needed something - or someone - to bring them together.

"You are her father." she tipped her head back, "She is your daughter. We've been given a gift. Both of our children can finally know you...and me. Right now, she doesn't know you. She has only met the Anakin that is poisoned by the Sith mindset. Do you blame her for being cautious? For being angry?"

“That not what I’m getting at, Padmé.” He hadn’t judged Leia’s contempt for him he was only pointing out the way things were. “Just because you say it, doesn’t make it true. She doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to know me, so stop trying to lie to me about it. You were given a gift, I wasn’t.”

It was too much. Padmé launched herself forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, trying to hold him; trying to protect him. If she could rip out her heart and share what she had been given, she would. Without thinking.

"She needs time. You need time." her voice was forcefully steady, "I believe in both of you. And, until you make amends, I will love you."

Her stubborn, too strong for her own good daughter and her stubborn, too strong for his own good husband would find a path to meet...and connect.

“Padmé-”

Before learning about his future he’d believed there would always be hope, a way for things to work out right. But his future was too bleak; there was no hope in all of that. And he couldn’t look at his daughter and pretend everything would eventually work out, he couldn’t delude himself about that. All he would be doing was delaying the heartache.

But he held onto Padmé because her arms comforted him. He needed to hear he was loved over and over again until he could convince himself he deserved it. That was a long way off still.

“You shouldn’t be here. You should go back.”

"I believe in both of you." she wasn't going to - no, she couldn't - give up on hope. It was all they had in Luceti. Whether or not that hope transitioned to their universe wasn't something she wanted to think about; it was beyond her reach.

"I can't imagine how much pain you feel, Ani. I'm not going to pretend I do." but she knew it was the sort of pain that left a permanent scar even when it was healed, "Even so, there is nothing you can say that will keep me from you."

For one desperate moment, she pressed close, breathing in his scent. She needed this - perhaps not as much as him - but her heart ached for it - and the pain was all too familiar.

"I'll come here. You deserve to stay where you are most comfortable." she stepped back and rested her hands on his chest, "And if you need anything, call for me over the journals."

When Padmé started to pull away, it took all of Anakin’s will power to let her go. He wanted to resist and pull her close, to go back on his decision to stay away from her. It was painful letting his arms fall.

Even so, his hand caught Padmé’s before she withdrew it to maintain this fleeting connection. He knew if he spoke he would cave and beg her to stay.

He nodded and then let go of her hand.

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