Another Seraph Bites The Dust

[fortunefail]

Who: Yuan Ka-Fai and Kratos Aurion.
What: The aftermath of Dhaos departing.
When: Shortly after this.
Where: House #8.
Summary: Yuan is having his period-- difficulty coping with watching people leave and Kratos attempts to offer aid. It backfires spectacularly.
Rating: PG-13 for cursing, probably?

[The moment Yuan heard Grune's announcement, he'd been sitting at the desk in his room. He had heard it, and then he'd gotten to his feet to pace around in an anxious manner. Dhaos... Dhaos is truly gone. It's so hard to grasp. He hadn't been a man Yuan had seen around too often. Dhaos hadn't been a man whose company he would seek out just for the sake of having company. And yet...

He had invited Dhaos into his house many times. They had been childhood friends and even in-laws during a particular experiment. He had told the man of Cruxis- of Origin and the Eternal Sword. Of Mithos Yggdrasill and his sister, Martel. In turn, Yuan had learned about Derris-Kharlan's future. It had had a population of about a billion angels before a war broke out in Dhaos' time. Norn's tree had been destroyed- no, it will be destroyed by a Mana Cannon. The same device that had doomed Ratatosk's tree in the past and the same thing that had, ironically, been used to save the Great Seed and Martel in a more present time. And Kratos... Kratos will not be present on Derris-Kharlan to prevent what doomed Dhaos' people. Just as Yuan will not be present to save the Yggdrasill tree from whatever causes it harm in the future. They are powerless to stop history from unfolding as it will. Yuan had told Dhaos: "It's our destiny to destroy and rebuild, only to destroy once more." Dhaos had replied with: "If there is evil in this world... it lurks in the hearts of men."

They had been kindred spirits, in a way. Not because of their identity as Seraphim, but because of their similar ways of thinking. They've both lived long enough to see the results of man's ignorance and they both understand it could never be fixed. Their conversations had always been pleasant. Though it was unspoken, they had truly been friends. If Dhaos were to return to Luceti, would he remember this at all?

Yuan has lost so many like this man over the past few years already. Usagi, Zoisite, Rupert, Cooro, Diana... All people he had grown fond of, only to have them depart from his life. And Martel... She's left him five times already. He would say it's the danger of living in a place like Luceti, but hasn't this been happening to him for his entire life already? It isn't the curse of Luceti, it's the curse of being forced to live even after all these years. It will keep happening. He will likely outlive Lloyd and his companions, and anyone else he might still meet.

It's a bitter realization he had come to many years ago, but whenever something like this happens, it only becomes confirmed once more. It stings all over again, and Yuan finds himself overcome by rage just because of how unfair it is. He knows it's a selfish notion, but he often finds himself yearning for the day when he would be the one to leave everyone else behind. Some people might miss him, but in time they would forget, as they too will be 'sent home'.

But until then... Until then...! With one forceful swoop of the arm, Yuan sends everything on his desk flying. A glass of water, a couple of stray pens... A coffee maker he'd been disassembling falls to the ground and breaks with a loud crashing sound. The journal slides towards his wardrobe, but luckily it remained closed. The noise is bound to alert his housemate, but he doesn't even care at this point. He just needs some way- any way to vent his frustration.]

Comments

go the fuck to sleep meowzy

[shiningbinds]

Should I not even attempt to? [He's tried to push back the awkwardness of what had just happened at home when he was taken to Luceti. He's tried to push back the awkwardness of what happened between them in February. Kratos has made a lot of mistakes, that is true, but he can't turn back on the effort he's made now...]

[fortunefail]

No, you shouldn't! You can pretend to be supportive all you want and it won't change a thing!

[After this incident there will be another, and another, and another... Who will be next to disappear from this place? Raine? Naoto? Albert? Kratos himself? There's no one whose company he can count on, because there's no one he can count on to always be here when he needs them.]

Just get the hell out!

[shiningbinds]

I'm not pretending. [Another sigh.] There's no need for this. However, I'll give you your space for the moment.

[He turns to leave.]

[fortunefail]

[Yuan won't stop him. Once Kratos has left the room, he won't pretend to care about the scattered belongings anymore, either. Whatever pens, paper and bits of plastic that are still lying around will stay there as Yuan takes a seat on his bed, burying his face in his hands.

Why couldn't he just have an easy life? All he wanted when he was young was to be respected and have a family of his own. Four thousand years later, and he still has neither of those things.]

[shiningbinds]

[Kratos decides to check the journal system while he allows Yuan to calm down.

That is, until he sees a particular entry. An announcement of departure.

Kratos had not been very close to Dhaos, but he knew enough about him, and he had come up in conversations between Kratos and Yuan often enough.

He immediately goes back to the room, not even bother to wait to open the door this time.

Leaving him alone wasn't a good idea.]

I see... so, Dhaos left. [Stated as a fact, tone remorseful for not knowing sooner. He was--and still is--mostly out of the loop of Yuan and Dhaos' friendship, but if Dhaos leaving is affecting Yuan this badly...]

[fortunefail]

[Even through his daze, he could hear Kratos returning. He can't be bothered to meet the man's eyes. All he can think is "About fucking time you caught up."]

Obviously.

[shiningbinds]

...I apologize.

[What else can he say?]

[fortunefail]

There's no helping it. It's how this damned place works.

[The common philosophy is to make the best of things, but just look at what happened to Regal Bryant. He got himself engaged to some woman from another world and they'd both departed before they could get married. The only fortunate part about that situation is that they both departed at the same time.]

[shiningbinds]

You still seem troubled over it. [Honestly, are you trying to play calm now?]

[fortunefail]

[Oh no, he's not playing calm. He's playing the voice of reason. There's a harsh reality that he should just accept because it will never go away.]

Of course I'm troubled, you idiot! Why wouldn't I be?! You think I like watching people leave?!

[shiningbinds]

[Looks away.]

No, of course not. [That was not the best way to word what he meant by a long shot...]

[fortunefail]

[His face is still buried in his hands. Not having to look at anything- not having anyone truly see him in a time of grief helps, but this is without a doubt the lousiest method to achieve it.]

I can't stand this fucking place anymore. I just want to leave. [He won't have any of his friends back home, but he won't have the memories of Luceti either. He won't have to remember all those times he was reunited with Martel, all those humiliating experiments, all the loss. It would be blissful ignorance.]

[shiningbinds]

[Kratos is at a loss of what to say. He can't tell Yuan it's all right. Not when it isn't, not when it likely wouldn't be.

However...]

What we must focus on is the present, until we're allowed to return to our world. For the moment, all we can do is watch out for each other, as well as the others. [Because Kratos has experienced how cruel Luceti is as well, back during the winter, but focusing on the matter at hand almost dulls that loss...]

[fortunefail]

Watch out for each other? And prevent what, exactly?

[If a person disappears from the enclosure, no one can stop it. If an experiment envelopes the village, everyone is affected by it. If someone dies, they're returned within a week or two. The idea of watching out for each other seems so ludicrous.]

[shiningbinds]

...it's what he would do. [Lloyd would want everyone to protect each other, even if there wasn't much one could do to prevent anything at times.]

[fortunefail]

[He? Who the hell is--

Oh. Of course. Lloyd. It's always about Lloyd. Kratos isn't here because he cares about Yuan, it's because he cares about his son. It's because Lloyd would be disappointed if he didn't try to stand by his companion.]

I don't care about what he would do! He's not here and his opinion means nothing to me!

[shiningbinds]

But I am here, Yuan. Does that truly mean nothing?

[fortunefail]

How much longer do you think you'll be here? You could be gone tomorrow and then what will I do?! Wait for you to return, like I did last time?!

[It's all just so pointless. So goddamn utterly pointless.]

[shiningbinds]

What makes you so certain that I will be the one who leaves first? The fact that you've been here longer seems to mean nothing.

[fortunefail]

Because that would be just my fucking luck. It's not like I can count on you to be there either way!

[It isn't until he's finished speaking those words that he realizes what he just blurted out. What that implies. Goddammit he's said too much again.]

[shiningbinds]

[Kratos' eyes narrow.]

And why would I not be alongside you, back home?

[fortunefail]

[Goddammit. Of course Kratos would catch on. Yuan's hands shift their position upwards so he can press his palms against his eyes, fingers disappearing between locks of hair.]

Forget it. Just forget it.

[shiningbinds]

Yuan. Why would I not be there? [The way he asks the question is gentler this time, but not by too much.]

[fortunefail]

[Yuan's having a hard time finding the right words to explain this. As rational as the decision had been back then, he's found himself despising it more and more. There had been no helping it, just as there's no helping the departures from Luceti, and to hell with it all if it isn't unfair.

When he speaks, his voice is far more bitter than he'd like.]

Because you left.

[shiningbinds]

[...

Well, then. He had asked.

For what seems to be quite a long time, Kratos doesn't say anything. There's too much to think about, just from those mere three words. Eventually, he does speak again:]

And you felt it... necessary to omit this detail when I first arrived.