lucetilogs | Event Log - Malnosso World

[Shockingly, no- unless the scented candle Billy managed to find in the corner of the bedroom area is a bother. It smells like a pleasant mixture of vanilla and cinnamon, and hopefully sets the mood to lower the stress levels between the two of them: the table's been cleared and set for Teddy, the kitchen made presentable, the beds properly made in the background. Billy had clearly made good use of the extra time he'd been given.

Billy himself is at the stove, not burning anything this time, the freshly-cleaned frying pan sizzling quietly as he cooks a few slices of sweet-smelling french toast. He's so intent on doing it properly this time that he doesn't even notice Teddy's return.]

[... Mm. It's a nice scent, both from the candle and the food itself. Teddy recognizes it - french toast, the kind Billy liked to make in the morning? Teddy always loved it, and Billy loved to cook something good when he usually couldn't, one that his boyfriend actually liked. Teddy was certainly great in the kitchen, but when Billy made something he knew he was good at? They were the best.

Seeing him cook now with the frying pan they'd recently scorched, a candle lit, the beds made... there was so much effort put into that, and after so long of seeing Billy wasting hours upon hours sitting on a windowsill, this is something of a miracle. Before all of this happened, Teddy would go up, wrap his arms around his waist from behind, kiss his neck and tell him how good breakfast smelled, or ask how he was, or just grumble against his skin.

And he wants to do it again, but Teddy finds himself falling back on his insecurity. Does Billy want that? Would he - no, don't think like that, of course he does. But...

...

Teddy clears his throat instead, at least to get Billy's attention, before he moves in to let his fingers stroke against Billy's arm, an affectionate touch and a question all at once. This is okay, right?]

Hey... sorry I took so long.

[Billy starts a little at the sound, but he recovers quickly, offering a nervous smile at Teddy's touch. Either it's certainly okay or he isn't offering any indication to the contrary.]

It's fine... I kept busy enough. I bet you're hungry, though... if you give me one minute, your breakfast'll be ready.

[It's sad, how such a small gesture or touch can mean so much. They'd done much more in the kitchen together and keeping it so chaste is...

...but it's fine. Still more than he deserves, and he's grateful. It's just hard not to remember how it was before.]

[Billy didn't pull away from his touch, nor tense or seem uncomfortable, so maybe... Teddy does, at least, drop a kiss to his shoulder - it's not the neck, no. He wishes he could; Teddy loves the intimacy they always had, loves it so much. Yet it just feels... he doesn't know how it feels, but it keeps holding him back from diving right back into it again.]

Billy Kaplan's Famous French Toast... It's been a while, huh?

[And with a rub up and down Billy's arm, Teddy moves back, opting to sit at the table instead and give Billy that one minute he needs.]

[That... had been nice. Unbelievably so. It's hard to concentrate after Teddy moves away, but his determination to cheer Teddy up wins out against his unease. He focuses back on the toast, flipping it over one more time to check the colour.]

Yeah. We didn't have all the seasoning I use back in the village, so it won't taste the same, but... I think it'll be okay. I mean, I hope so.

[It sure smells okay. More than that, actually, if he'll allow a sliver of pride to make a little crack in his depression. More of a dent, really. But Teddy's smiling, waiting, letting Billy serve him, so... he must've done alright.]

It smells good.

[Teddy leans his arms on the table, hunched forward slightly, and watches Billy's back. It's a little easier when Billy isn't looking at him and seeing how tired he looks, just watching him and getting a feel for him again. The way he holds himself, the way he moves, what he does while he cooks. He watches every twitch, committing them to memory again. He'd already known before, but it's nice to get a refresher. Especially when he'd been doubting every move Billy made for the past month.]

When we get back, we can... [Oh god, his next suggestion is going to sound dumb.] ... shop together. [He wants to look down at the table in embarrassment, but it's important to keep watching.] You know, like a... date. Except with domestic things.

[Smooth as glass, Altman.]

[Billy pauses at that, the suggestion completely unexpected, then glances over his shoulder at Teddy. Shop together? Teddy's... not that much of a shopper, unless it's for geek merchandise, so it's an unusual request. But Teddy looks so nervous that Billy doesn't want to question it.]

A domestic shopping date? I'd be in, if... you are.

[If it's what Teddy wants to do, he'll do it wholeheartedly.]

Well, since I'm the one who suggested it...

[He's pretty sure they don't have the ingredients back at their place, after all, while sharing the kitchen with everyone else on their floor. It'd be nice to get Billy out there and searching for something like that, and for the two of them to share in it.

With Billy's eyes on him, Teddy glances away, gaze on the table rather than on his boyfriend this time. He usually doesn't stop watching even when caught, but - man, maybe it'd freak Billy out, maybe he didn't do his hair right, maybe...]

[Teddy looking away is unusual too, but... well, Billy can't blame him. This whole experience has been awful, and neither of them are much like themselves today. Not wanting to prolong the awkwardness - one that hadn't existed between them for a long time now, he can't help thinking regretfully - he turns back to the stove. It's about done, anyway, so after a few moments of more fussing over it, he scoops the toast out and sets it on a plate, setting it down in front of Teddy, steaming and sticky with maple syrup.]

Here, ah... let me know if it's okay.

I can already tell that it will be. [Teddy gives a little smile, and a small glance at Billy, before he takes the silverware and begins to eat. He's... not taking as many big bites as before, and he's more careful about the way he eats. It was probably completely unattractive anyway... god, why did he even do it before?

Because I like a lot of food, because it's how I always ate, because it made mom smile and call me a growing prince, because it made Billy smile.

Even with that thought, it only takes a few bites for Teddy to nod, waiting to finish chewing and swallowing, before looking at Billy with a wider smile.]

It really is good! [A way to a man's heart is his stomach. Or the way to a man's smile, at least.]

[Billy lingers just long enough to get an opinion on the toast, watching curiously for Teddy's expressions. The way he's eating is... different, and Billy can't help but notice, biting his lower lip nervously. Is that because of him again? Or because he can't shift his jaw to accommodate his usual methods? Is it both?

....

He hates not knowing. But once he has a response, he turns back to the stove again, getting another piece prepped.]

Oh, good... I didn't really think...

[Self-deprecating, don't say that.]

I mean, because of the seasoning. How many will you eat? I can make a lot.

Mm... I don't know, three or four? That's about how much I eat.

[Now that Billy's turned back to the stove, Teddy ends up looking at him again, slowly chewing at the remains of the toast. Billy's always had a low sense of self-worth, something that frustrated Teddy if he thought too much about it, but this seems worse than any other time.

... It's not surprising, and he can't blame him for it. Teddy just needs to support Billy as much as the other is supporting him. It won't be a quick fix, and there will be plenty of days like this, he knows. But he's willing to do it. He's willing to wait a little longer.

... Speaking of.]

Make sure you make some for yourself too, okay? You've got to be hungry.

[You first, he nearly says. I'll eat what's left.

Or I ate while you were in the shower.

Or I'm too busy trying not to collapse in a weepy pile of useless to be hungry.

....]

I will. I just can't eat and cook at the same time, that's all.

... All right. Long as you get something in your system.

[And Teddy will be watching to make sure Billy eats something, too. They might have switched roles for the moment, but Teddy can't help watching out for him, wallowing in that urge to get up, cook beside him and fix him something he'd like, something he'd eat. But he's not supposed to, and - jeez, it's hard sitting here and not doing anything for someone else.]

[Well, thankfully they don't take long to cook, so after a bit Billy steals his plate back to dump another slice on, setting it down in front of Teddy. This time he lingers, though, hesitating before brushing a thumb over the corner of Teddy's mouth, then hastily withdrawing as if he'd gotten a shock from the contact.]

You, um... there were some crumbs. Sorry.

[It was just a little touch, yet it was enough to make Teddy feel like he was soaring. It's because it was little, a thing they'd do before all of this happened, a small touch that always made him feel like he was home no matter where he was.

So when Billy pulls away and apologizes, Teddy blinks, dumbfounded for a moment, before he reaches out to take Billy's hand.]

Hey... You don't ever have to apologize for that. [He pulls Billy's hand up, until his fingers are brushing the corner of his mouth and up to his cheek.] You don't have to say you're sorry for touching me, no matter where or how or why you do it. Got it?

[Teddy thrives on touch, after all. To have Billy apologize for it is like apologizing for something that's a big part of their daily lives.]

Edited 2013-11-12 21:23 (UTC)

[Billy lets Teddy hold his hand there, allowing his fingers to drift gently over the other boy's skin. This is what he wanted, isn't it? So why is he so shaken?

Is he afraid, or just... touched?]

Are... you sure? You don't mind?

[He has to be sure. He has to be. It's the guilt, the uncertainty, the memories of what he did that still linger. Because if he has permission to touch then he's not sure he'll be able to not. It's what he wants, so badly, but he wants to do only what Teddy wants, so...

He has to be sure.]

Absolutely.

[It's something said with confidence, and Teddy maneuvers Billy's hand to let his palm rest against his cheek. It feels wonderful, and it's something Teddy sorely missed while Billy was possessed. Not being touched by the one he loves save for small, hesitant touches was grueling for him.

But there's something else on his mind that he'd like to clarify. Normally, Teddy wouldn't bring it up. But this is a delicate point of their relationship, and he knows he needs to let Billy know everything. So he glances away, thumb stroking against Billy's hand.]

Ever since... that time, there's some touches I haven't been able to take. My stomach, my back... [My neck.] But I've been getting better. And I want to get past it completely.

[He looks up again, meeting Billy's eyes once more.] You can help me with that.

[That... is something Billy had dreaded, but it's something he sorely needs, too. To hear that Teddy wants help with this, and while it's horrible, what happened, and he knows that it's partially his fault, at least there's something he can do to change it. He can't help but cling to that. He can do this for Teddy. He can be useful.

And it's what he wants, too.

He strokes Teddy's cheek for a moment, then lets this new-found purpose urge him to shift his position, edging closer, winding his arms gently around Teddy's shoulders and holding him from the side. It's not the greatest hug - he's still tentative, and he is standing up, so the position is weird - but Teddy's as warm as ever, and... it's a start.]

I'll do my best...

[There it is.

Teddy shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh, relaxing against Billy and his warmth. It's not the best hug, no, but it feels different from all the others he got this past month. It feels a little more like a welcome, not to comfort or cling out of desperation, but more... like something done out of affection more than anything else. It's soothing all on its own, and Teddy holds Billy's arm with one hand and gently nuzzles his stomach, as if to convey how much he appreciates it.]

Thanks...

Don't thank me... it's totally self-serving, anyway...

[Billy tightens his grip just a little, his eyes closing as he indulges in the embrace. He knows it can't last - there's still breakfast to finish, and they have a lot of work to do with each other if they want to go back to how things were before - but... just for a little while, they have this. They have each other.

And for now, that's enough.]

Event Log - Malnosso World

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