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Who: Zack and Guy
What: Just a talk, yo
When: After this thread
Where: The bar
Summary: Zack's out wandering aimlessly and kinda makes it back to the bar just as Guy's closing up for the night.
Rating: PG/PG-13, idk

Zack hadn't really thought about where he was headed. The village didn't vary much from house to house, and the rain made everything a blur. The alcohol didn't help much; he'd had more to drink than he usually did - or rather, he still wasn't used to his new limitations without the mako, as far as alcohol was concerned. Still, he was coherent and pretty steady on his feet, so he just sort of walked around in the rain for a few hours, deep in thought. Cloud had brought to mind a lot of questions, a few answers, and several things he'd realized long ago but hadn't wanted to consider, ever.

But here he was, roaming aimlessly in the pouring rain and doing just that.

Dammit. Dammit, dammit...

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Granted, the opening of the bar hadn't been a very rowdy one, but considering that Guy was the only employee there it was probably for the best. As it was there wasn't much to clean up, and even though it was still a little early for a bar to close Guy decided that with no patrons there was no point in staying open. So, after washing the last of the glasses and setting them in their proper places upon the shelves, wiping down the tables and counters and ensuring that everything was ready to open the next day, he set the rag in the basket off to the side and circled around the counter.

...so he and Zack had been...that close. To say it bothered Guy wouldn't exactly be true, but it wouldn't be untrue either. It was a little awkward; supposedly he'd been intimate with someone he hardly knew. Was that the equivilant of meeting someone from a drunken one-night stand? Guy didn't know, but the idea made him squirm a little bit. Then there was another matter entirely to consider...

Regardless, Zack seemed like a nice enough person, and reasonably good-looking. Well, okay, he was extremely handsome, but Guy had never had any serious inclinations towards men before; not that he could remember, anyways. Apparently he'd had some inclinations towards men if he and Zack had- Stop that train of thought there, Guy. Guy shook his head.

It was best not to dwell on it, he supposed. Snagging his jacket from a hook by the door and making sure his katana -he'd finally broken down and picked up a generic one at the store earlier that week- was fixed surely at his waist, Guy unlatched the door to face the rain outside.

Zack hadn't been paying any attention to where he was going, so as such, the movement by the door of the bar a few feet away caught him off guard. Cloud probably would have scolded him for being so out of it, but luckily he wasn't around to see.

The one who was around, however, was Guy, and it wasn't until he saw the other man that he realized where he was. He lifted his head, rain dripping from damn near everywhere, and just looked at Guy - looked, without really looking, as if a part of him was looking past his shoulder for something else, some ghost that existed only for him. There were no words to describe his expression.

For once he had no idea what to say.

Honestly, it hadn't been a shock to see Zack standing there when Guy had opened the door. In fact, reflecting upon it later...Guy felt he would have been more shocked if Zack hadn't been there. He wasn't sure what had given him the hunch that Zack would come back; maybe the look in his eyes as he'd spoken to Guy earlier about his troubles. Maybe it was something in that kiss from earlier. Whatever it was, Guy thanked his intuition for keeping him at the bar until that very moment and reached right out into the rain to snag Zack's arm.

"C'mon, come inside." Without a lot of effort, Guy tugged the man into the bar, closing and locking the door behind themselves before bustling off to locate a towel, calling over his shoulder, "Zack, what were you doing out there? Don't tell me you've been walking around since you left. I didn't think you were that drunk." Not waiting for an answer upon his return, Guy strode right up to Zack's side with the towel and slung it over his shoulders, reaching up to tussle Zack's hair dry. It was automatic; ingrained within him from years of serving the Fabres, almost to the point of being instinct.

Zack allowed Guy to drag him inside, remaining still and surprisingly compliant as the other man dried down his hair. It was kind of him, and Zack didn't feel like resisting. There wasn't much to say or do, really; he'd said far too much already that day. How could he say more?

Then again, he'd remained away from home for a reason. Maybe... this was it. Because talking in a drunken stupour never got anyone anywhere.

Still... his throat was dry, his mind paralyzed. He still didn't know what to say, so he just shifted his gaze away, apologetic for not offering any answers. Maybe once he got his head on straight he'd be able to explain himself.

...Bloody unlikely.

When Zack didn't say anything Guy knew something was seriously wrong, as if the look in his eyes and the expression on his face weren't enough. Slowly he lowered the towel to Zack's neck, hands still clutching the terry until he let it drop and he reached instead to hold Zack's face.

He knew that look. He knew that expression, that look, those eyes and the feelings behind it. He himself had experienced it and...lately, he'd been seeing it a lot more often than he liked to admit on another person. Zack didn't want to talk, or drink or laugh or anything. He didn't want to think, or feel or stumble across any kind of epiphany. He didn't even want to come to terms with anything.

Zack wanted to be held. He simply wanted to be held and know that at least in the arms of this one person, he would be safe from everything that troubled him. What else could Guy do? Somehow, Zack had been led back to this place. Maybe it was just coincidence, but...well. That kiss from earlier told Guy otherwise.

So, murmuring a soft command to follow, Guy backed up to the counter, between two stools. He let his back hit the smooth, polished wood and sank down, coaxing Zack down with him. He rested against the counter, legs bent but not quite up, and tugged Zack against him, the man's head against his chest and shoulder as he touched his still-damp hair. "It's okay," he murmured. "Door's locked. I won't tell."

Edited 2008-11-19 09:12 (UTC)

Angeal had always called him a puppy. With Guy, then and there, Zack felt like one; that wet, lonely puppy who yapped and yapped and cuddled and licked but someone always had to kick it because it was annoying them somehow. And a kicked puppy in the rain was just something nice guys didn't ignore.

When Guy pulled him over to hold him, something that had fought and resisted and held strong for so long just broke, and he lifted a hand to cover his face, his other arm rising to curl his fingers in the fabric of Guy's shirt, just letting himself tremble. He was cold and wet and a damn nuisance and five years, five years, and god he'd needed this.

It was okay. It was Guy, and he trusted Guy, and he didn't need a lover to hold him and comfort him and tell him it was okay. His mistake had been to assume that all along.

Whatever Zack had been through in his life to make him this way had to be horrible; either way, Zack had apparently taken the higher road, but doing so always came with a heavy price. The other man shook against him, whether from the cold or his emotions Guy didn't know. More than likely a mixture of both. He did what he could, curled tighter around Zack and stroked his hair. His mouth opened for a moment as he contemplated saying something before slowly shutting it with an idle click of teeth.

Instead he shifted, lifted his shoulder a bit to tug his jacket from where it hung and flapped it out before them before settling it over Zack. Sleeping in the bar wasn't exactly a grand idea, considering Guy was pretty sure there weren't any blankets, but even if Zack had to go back out into the rain Guy could at least warm him up a little bit before he did. Although...Guy did hope Zack stayed. He had a feeling that if Zack left now Guy wouldn't be seeing him for a while. Maybe nobody would.

The thought made Guy hug Zack a little tighter, resting his chin atop Zack's hair and rubbing his back through his jacket. How long had it been since Zack had been held like this? What had happened, anyways?

He tried not to cling, but it was so damn hard to fight it, so Zack focused more in halting his shivers. The warmth helped; it helped a lot. It also helped that Guy was a familiar presence, a comfort he'd indulged in nearly a year before, just for one night. An incredible night, at that, but at the same time somewhat surreal, since it had been forced upon them. Looking back, it had probably caused more trouble for Guy than it was worth.

He couldn't bring himself to regret it, though.

Old habits die hard, too. "Sorry," he mumbled, closing his eyes, feigning nonchalance. He tried to laugh and stopped himself when he choked on it. "This isn't like me, I swear..."

"I had a hunch it wasn't," Guy murmured against Zack's hair, and just jostled him slightly in an attempt to comfort him. He wanted to tell Zack that everything was going to be okay, but what right did he have to do that? He didn't know the first thing about him.

And yet, Zack trusted him enough to come back here when he needed someone. Zack trusted him enough to show Guy a side of himself that he more than likely didn't show often, maybe had never shown to someone before. Zack had come to Guy for understanding and comfort- no, maybe just came to have someone that would hold him regardless. Was that it? Zack wanted someone to accept things even without knowing about them? He wanted someone who would tell him it would be all right even if things couldn't be? What kind of hope was that?

The hope of a man who'd seen too much and still hoped through it. Guy sighed through his nose, his chin falling back atop Zack's head. His clothes were already soaked through; at least it wasn't snowing, that would've been awful. It wasn't exactly a sauna in the bar, but it was decently warmer than outside, and Guy brought his knees up a little higher despite their slightly awkward position. Zack had said they'd been intimate...but for some reason, that was the farthest thing from Guy's mind at the moment.

All he wanted to do was help. "Do you want to talk about it?" he murmured, tilting his head slightly and playing his fingers over the hairs at the nape of Zack's neck. Touch, just idle touch. This was so close, so intimate, and Guy hardly knew him but somehow it was okay. "It's fine if you don't."

Zack fell into silence again, finally managing to quell his shaking. When he cried it never lasted long - just enough to get it out, just enough to remind himself he was still human enough to do it. SOLDIERs were monsters, he'd said to Cloud, long ago.

But they were human, too. And they could cry.

He wasn't thinking about intimacy either, except for the closeness of one body against another seeking warmth and comfort, but nothing more. He didn't even want to kiss Guy again. It had been partially in jest, anyway, partially to indulge himself without consequence because he'd been drunk enough to brush it off. Maybe he'd just wanted to touch someone while his impulses weren't under control.

"I don't know what to say," he whispered, closing his eyes, forehead rested against Guy's shoulder. "It's too heavy... to much for anyone. It's not fair to share what's in my head when it's messed us up so badly..."

"I think you're right about it being too heavy for one person to carry," Guy whispered, arms circling around Zack's shoulders and squeezing. He clasped his wrists at Zack's back, and tried to hold Zack the way he remembered Mary holding him when he was small and afraid of the thunder outside.

"That's why you ask someone to help carry it with you. I don't have to be that someone...but I can be, if you need me to be. You can tell me anything you want, Zack, and I won't think less of you for it."

At that, Zack trembled again, for a moment. It was brief and unvoluntary, but spoke volumes to what he was feeling, yet explained nothing at all. How was it, how could it be that Guy seemed to know just what to say? He wasn't pushy or pleading or demanding or anything. He didn't push away and say they were strangers, nor were they best friends. They just... were. They were there, and together, but not together, and Zack was tired of thinking about it.

More than that he was tired of thinking about it alone.

So he let go. He opened his mouth and it was like he had no control anymore; the words poured forth as if they had a will of their own, and he told Guy everything. SOLDIER, Nibelheim, Sephiroth, Jenova, Hojo, Cloud, four years, then one, 88 letters he never got. A promise and a phone call and a village in flames and a girl he'd left behind, a boy he couldn't leave behind. Guns and swords and old comrades hidden behind visors so they wouldn't have to look him in the eye when they shot him down. Blood in the rain and trying to breathe with lungs too full of holes to function anymore. Hearing his name and then nothing, nothing at all.

He was trembling again when he finished, and couldn't remember what he'd said to start it up again.

Well...Guy had been right. It was horrifying; even just hearing about it, even without understanding some of the terms or the importance of some of the situations still had chills running down his spine. Zack had seen -experienced- things that no man should be able to live with. To come out of a life like that and still be able to smile...to die like that and still be able to smile-

Zack's strength was unreal.

But it seemed as if finally he'd run out of strength, at least for a moment. And who could blame him? Years and years of holding himself up, scrambling to keep the pieces together even as the glass house came crashing down, days upon days living and wondering if he would wake up the next day, who could call Zack weak now for being afraid, for wanting someone to be there with him? Maybe there wasn't anything Guy could say to help- he couldn't begin to imagine what Zack had suffered, after all. Guy had been victim to his own injustices but...well, this was not only completely different, but Guy would willingly admit that compared to what had happened to Zack, he'd had it relatively easy. There was nothing he could offer, no advice to give.

But that wasn't what Zack had come to him for in the first place. So Guy just held him, stroked his hair. Pressed his cheek to Zack's temple and mumbled, "I'm sorry." He was, he was sorry; he was sorry for everything Zack had gone through, sorry that he'd endured it alone, and sorry that it had ended before he could have any form of closure. He was sorry that there wasn't anything more he could do to help, and he was sorry that Zack had to live with the memories of those seven years. He was sorry that Zack felt he had to reach this point before he could go to someone for help.

Strength was a double-edged sword, after all. The only thing Guy could do now was patch Zack up the best he could.

It took a long moment, and a heavy sigh, but Zack finally lifted his hands to grip Guy's shoulders and raised his head, offering him a ghost of a smile that wasn't quite real, wasn't quite fake, either. It was the smile of a man stuck in the limbo of joy, depression, and simple, grateful relief. The smile of a man who wasn't doing well but knew the only way to go from here was up.

And he'd go up. Somehow, he'd go up.

"Don't be sorry," he murmured, giving Guy's shoulders a squeeze. "Thank you. I'll be okay."

Hm. Maybe now. Guy nodded, but lifted his hands to Zack's cheeks and moved forward to kiss him. It was strange; he couldn't remember really actually kissing a man. The one he'd been with a few months prior was for stress relief only, and they'd both known it. There was no kissing, hugging or cuddling, it was all very cut and dry. No affection, just business, and even though maybe that was a little cold it was what Guy had preferred for the moment.

Now, though, he just wanted to express...something. He wasn't sure yet, but he had the feeling this would do it. Not desire, not even romantic attraction; could a kiss be used just for comfort? Reassurances? Maybe, if Guy did it correctly. He could only hope that Zack would take it the right way.

Zack blinked at first, doing nothing, then closed his eyes and returned the kiss just for a second, just to show that he accepted it and understood. It wasn't the passionate kiss of one person wanting another, but a gift, and he took it gladly before he drew back, his only response a warm smile for a while.

"I'm really glad I came here, Guy," he murmured, briefly looking down, but not in shame. "I think... this was the right thing to do. I hope so, anyway. Though I did kind of throw a lot at you on your first day... heh, sorry, man."

"Don't worry, I work better if I have to improvise." Guy smiled, lifting his shoulders in a hint that maybe it was time to stand up. When Zack climbed off of him, Guy dusted himself off and reached out to squeeze Zack's shoulder comfortingly. "You're welcome here anytime, you know? For anything."

He hoped Zack would know that this was a safe place for him, if he needed to talk or needed to drink or just needed an arm around his shoulders. From the way it sounded, the only other person who could begin to understand what Zack had gone through was this "Cloud" person -the name wasn't exactly common, so Guy thought he'd probably seen the man on the journals somewhere- and unfortunately, he was also the last person Zack wanted to burden with this knowledge. Guy might not be able to understand...but at least he could listen.

"... Thanks, Guy," Zack managed, giving Guy's arm a grateful squeeze in response, smile growing a little. "I should be heading back... it'll be morning soon, and knowing Cloud, he probably waited for me or something. I don't want him to worry too much about me - poor guy does that enough for everyone else."

Guy walked Zack to the door, only removing his hand when Zack turned to face him. Reaching around the other man to unlock the door, Guy jerked his chin towards the rain and lifted his jacket on his finger. "Want to borrow this? The rain doesn't exactly look very inviting."

Zack blinked, taking the jacket from Guy but not putting it on just yet. "Won't you need a jacket too? It's no more welcoming to you than me, y'know, and I'd hate to thank you by giving you a lousy cold."

"I'm not the one who's been wandering around in it for the last few hours," Guy pointed out, patting Zack on the back.

Zack offered up a cheeky grin at that. "Good point. Alright, I'll take it. I'll get it back to you ASAP, that's a promise."

And with that he slung the jacket around his shoulders, grateful for the warmth. He knew it would be a big help getting him home.

"This means a lot to me, Guy," he added after a moment, expression softening, obviously not talking about the jacket.

Guy favored Zack with a look, thoughtful for a moment before offering an easy smile, shrugging a bit. "Well, you know how it goes. Helping other people with their own troubles does wonders for your own soul, too. Makes you feel better about yourself and everything. Consider it selfish, if you want."

Edited 2008-11-20 08:53 (UTC)

Zack blinked again at that, surprised, mostly because it echoed his own beliefs to a T. So with no effort at all he gave Guy a real smile, the first one of the night, and nodded his agreement without a hint of hesitation. "It's a good kind of selfishness. I think if more people were selfish like that the universe would be a lot better off, and happier to boot."

"We can't tell people how to act," Guy sighed, even as he nodded along with what Zack was saying. "The only thing you can really do in the end is just act that way and hope someone notices how well it's working out for you." Guy mumbles a last bit beneath his breath.

"Even if they are dense as hell."

Zack didn't quite hear what Guy said at the end, but he gets the feeling it wasn't really meant for him. So he nodded again, clapping Guy once more on the shoulder. "That's the best way to teach people sometimes. Good luck with it, man."

"Same for you." Guy reached around Zack and unlatched the door, the wind catching the edge slightly and pulling it open without much of a push from him. It was still raining outside -of course, why after over a week would it stop now?- but at least it wasn't coming down in sheets. "You sure you'll be all right out there?"

"Don't worry about me, Guy," Zack smiled, waving a hand to brush aside his concern. "I can handle a bit of rain. I feel a lot stronger now, anyway. I'll be home in no time."

He hesitated a moment, looking like the wanted to say something else, then shook it off and lifted a hand as he stepped out. "I'll see you around. Don't work too hard."

Edited 2008-11-21 03:09 (UTC)

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