lucetilogs | Post-Event Reaction Log!

Because I remembered the last week. I remember... living as someone else.

[And he brushes his hair. to show her that there's the earring there as subtly as he can]

[Just like all the other experiments.

Masaomi wouldn't wear earrings.

There is no appeal she can make, no oath that she knows, no place she can reach to for strength as Katara feels her heart begin to break. Her shoulders hunch and her eyes fill with tears.]

Someone else - you're someone else?

[She shakes her head.

The third stage of grief is bargaining.]

But you can't be.

I... [...what does he even say to that? Is he someone else? To Katara, yes. To his own standards... no. As far as his memories of that other Masaomi go he had his struggles yes, but nowhere near what he had. Nothing of what he has suffered. His eyes go wide at the pain on Katara's face. He takes a tentative step closer to her.

...It might be a mistake] ...I'm Masaomi Kida. I- I'm not the one from Omashu. [...] But I still- ["would do anything for you."

...He'd still break both their hearts. Linda's lost on this scene, but for once knows to keep quiet and keep out]

[Masaomi Kida.

She starts to reach a hand up to his face in a play for reassurance when she realizes--]

I don't know you.

[It's said on a breath as her insides coil tighter and tighter around this sudden emptiness, to the point where she almost wants to double over from pain. Her hand drops down to her side as she searches his eyes intently for anything of the man she loved. Her voice is low, the words almost unintentional:]

What am I to you?

You... [His throat constricts. He can't take it anymore. His eyes widen, looking at that face and as that happens, tears stream openly down his face. He's crying? Of course he's crying.

How do I even answer this?

With a lie. With the truth. With both. With what she wants to hear.

...With the truth]

You are... Ah. "Katara" is the dearest person to me in this whole damnable world we're in now.

[She catches that distinction. "Katara" is dear to him. And she is -- what? She's nothing. She's an echo.

He's crying and she can't comfort him because he thinks she isn't real.

She's falling apart and he can't touch her because he's a stranger.

Katara stumbles two steps backwards, her hand going up to her mouth before she turns around. Her shoulders shake with quiet sobs.]

[...When she stumbles back and turns around, he considers what to do. He could go to the journal, report the error now. He could say something dramatic. But he's hearing her sobbing, he's watching her break. And it's in a split second that he comes to the important question- What's the right thing to do?

He glances at Linda. He glances hard from her to the journal. Perhaps sensing that he's saying, the mouse complies and leaps from the couch to go get the journal off the table. As for Masaomi himself though...

Even if it kills me, this will be worth it.

He goes and tries to hug this Katara from behind]

[He comes up behind her and the feel of him is the same, it's the exact same as when he'd done as much a few nights ago, and it's her instinctive response to his embrace to lean back into him.

But.

He's a stranger.

Tokyo, what does she know about Tokyo? Some Earth city, right? Earrings in his ears, no beard - the guy Sokka said was a creep, that's who's holding her right now. More babyfaced - ha, they'd laughed about it.

She lets loose a ragged sob and frantically tries to escape his arms.]

Let go - I can't - let go!

[...And it backfires. Of course it backfires. He holds the grip only long enough for him to say the following:] Thank you.

[And then he releases it, and with tears streaming down his face, really regardless of anything she throws at him or if she treats or whatever (as Linda is bring the journal)] ...Thank you, for giving the Masaomi you knew a chance. [...Sob] Thank you for making him so, so happy. [Linda, by now, has the journal at his feet. Good.]

[She coils in on herself protectively when he lets go-- she doesn't know what to say. It's all she can do to keep herself from screaming.

She's a lie? He's gone - forever? There isn't anything she can do to stop it? There's nothing for her to fight?

She can't just give up, but when she glances behind her and sees the face that is so dear to her in so much pain... stranger or not, Katara gives a few choking sobs and tries to pull herself together.]

Don't--

[Don't you talk about him like he's gone.

Don't you dare.

She needs to be - means to be comforting. But really, the best she can do is cut off those words and try to curtail her sobbing.]

[...and of course her face is like that. Of course she's sobbing. Of course she's probably even more of a wreck than he is now. Oddly enough, it gives him the strength to do what he does next. Albeit, what he does next he needs to speak himself through] ...You know, I don't know if I ever made this promise to you, ah. I... probably didn't have to, did I? [He crouches down.] But, I made a promise to "Katara," one which said I would do anything for her.

[And he takes the journal in hand from Linda, who stands there, not sure where to go next.] Anything at all. [And now holding the journal he begins to flip through the pages. His face is... dead. He's still crying, but he's so broken at this point he doesn't even know what his facial expression is] ...You know, he never lied to you, I think. Not about the worlds he couldn't imagine.

[I love you.

...Ah, here it is. He presses record and-]

Hey, bastards. I'm reporting that Katara has an error. ...She still remembers me being from her world.

[Every word he says lands hard on her heart. How could it not? He was talking about him, talking about the differences and the similarities, and Katara was so distraught, so intent on what he was saying, that she didn't realize what he was doing until he pushed record and began to speak.]

No-- wait!

[She didn't want to give him up. Not so soon.

But she was too late. He'd already sent it. And she was left deflated - hollow. She slumped back against the closed door.]

Edited 2012-04-13 08:26 (UTC)

[He closes the book. He closes it and then drops it onto the floor where it lands with a thud. Linda looks up at him, clearly confused again,but he ignores the mouse. He focuses his gaze evenly on Katara. His breathing is ragged, as if he just did something which too an amazing, amazing effort to do. The tears have stopped, for now. His eyes are bloodshot though]

I'm sorry. I hope this version of you is happy somewhere.

[...That lump in his throat is still there . He hangs his head, forcing a smile onto his lips. It's easier that way]

...But when you're the Katara I came to- ["know?" "love?" No, don't push it] ...Well, tomorrow, anyway. I'm sure you won't want to see me anyway, but I won't be here.

[...]

...I don't know where I'll be, but I'll be back.

[Katara's instinctive response is to protest. Despite her grief, she doesn't want to leave him, despite the fact that she's... talking to a stranger with her Masaomi's face.

But.

But.

She turns to the side and lets out a long, shuddering sigh. Very deliberately, she wipes the tears off her face.

Breathe.]

[And then she looks at him and straightens her shoulders, her posture taking on a certain readiness.]

If you're right, then what you just did was a worthy thing. And it's something I'll thank you for - I don't want to live a lie.

[Even if the lie was so sweet.]

You should know, [another tear leaks out, and she wipes it away] that I was happy too.

And I hope that the two of you will be happy as well.

[I did what was right]

[...And then something amazing happens. A real, genuine smile smile. It's "tainted" by his eyes being bloodshot and a little snot coming out of his nose, but he genuinely smiles at her. And he looks at her the way he does when he acknowledging that she's the most beautiful thing in the world.

...This lasts all of about five seconds before he starts crying again. But the smile doesn't immediately break even after he does]

[...]

...I hope so too. I really... do.

[I did what was right]

[and he hangs his head now, crying down to the floor (onto Linda) before he finishes with]

...Please go.

[She won't forgive me if I do what I want to do right now]

[She wants so many things.

She wants to scream, and rage, and fight.

She wants to hurt him for not being who he is supposed to be.

She wants to comfort him, because leaving Masaomi, her Masaomi, broken and hurting like this is almost beyond her strength, and even though it's not him... it looks just like him.

First he tells me I'm a lie. Then he sends me off to die so "Katara" can come back. Now he's ordering me to leave like he can't even stand the sight of me.

And he's breaking.

Once again, she lets out a small, choked sob.]

All right - I'll go.

[She doesn't reach out to touch his shoulder, she doesn't dare put herself through that.

But suddenly, fiercely--]

But you had better get better.

[Because it matters. Oh it matters that she might be false, that he might be false... but it's just as important that whoever this person was wearing Masaomi's face that he didn't let this beat him.

She began to turn to go.]

["But you had better get better."

...Oh, his heart. He grits his teeth even harder than he was a moment ago. Goddamn them. Goddamn them for making him hurt her like this. Goddamn them for putting him in this situation. He can't even give her a proper sendoff. He can't take away the pain, he can barely contain his own. For a second when she turns, he's trembling with a fury he can only barely contain. There's actual desire to go out and kill someone coming off of him too.

...But it's futile. Of course it's futile]

Edited 2012-04-14 04:16 (UTC)

[breathe. He doesn't dare move from where he is. Linda actually moves to start to follow Katara when Masaomi's fury builds, but she only makes two steps before Masaomi looks down at her with a gaze that forces her to stop, upset that she can't help the girl either.

...Masaomi's actually got a little smile on his face despite it all. It doesn't reach his eyes, he's tricking himself in a sense. More to himself than anything he mutters:] No matter what.

[Katara pauses with her hand on the door, her grief still rising within her. Her back towards him, she begins to cry again, but she manages to speak over the sobs and heavy breathing.]

Take care... Masaomi Kida.

[Goodbye.

I love you, Masaomi. I'm glad I said it.

I'm glad.

She opens the door to leave.]

[There's really nothing he can say to that. He struggles to think of one more cool line, maybe a quote. Nothing comes. When he was up to the plate, a moment ago, it would have been easy but now that the dust is settled...]

...Be well, Katara.

[As she's stepping out the door, that is.

That was dumb. But he can't care yet]

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