lucetilogs | Event Log

[Cliff watched the small movements and listened to the hollow tones of a man who as seen far more than he needed to in his life, and found himself recalling the image of that lost and angry little boy from that Shift from months ago. The truth resided in the words that Souji distinctly refused to say, words and thoughts that he had seen echoed in the actions of young people who had their lives torn apart by something that was beyond their reach.]

Souji, you...

[He acted without thinking, and swore that there would be no regretting this in the future. Nothing would come of anything if they remained like this, with Souji falling into his fear and Cliff refraining from being too imposing. Stepping forward, Cliff reached for Souji's hand and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around the other man.]

You idiot. Do you want to be lonely?

But it's--

[--fine, was what he was going to say before he felt his hand caught and pulled, arms wrapping around him. He hadn't had a hug since he was a child - hadn't needed one, scared too many people to receive them - and for a moment, he wasn't sure what was going on. His instincts said to kick free, to put distance between him and the other person. Close quarters like this meant his back was exposed, an easy target for a dagger through the heart. Instinct, though, only told him what to do on the battlefield and he didn't want to think of Cliff, whose embrace was warm despite how little he was wearing, as someone on the battlefield.

He was halfway between stiffening and pulling away and just collapsing into something he didn't know was possible, when he suddenly remembered something he'd said to Kohaku months and months ago. "Some people just weren't meant to be loved."

He was a demon, a murderer, a Shogunate dog, a rabid wolf and none of that bothered him. His friends accepted him, were like him, kept him from being lonely. But they had all left and Souji had just decided to let history run its course - left to die alone in the back room of a house where he could be forgotten and kept isolated from the rest of the family. He had been ready to let himself die alone.

But it wasn't what he wanted. After the initial shock wore off, he lifted a hand a pressed it lightly against Cliff's chest. He could feel a heartbeat beneath his fingertips and he slowly closed his hand into a fist over it.]

....Someone I cared about very deeply, he said he wouldn't leave. He promised to stay. I've seen him arrive and leave three times now - four if you count his alternate universe self.

[His voice dropped lower and as he spoke, he bit back tears because he'd made a promise and he kept his promises.]

No one wants to be lonely. [He didn't. He didn't want to die alone here, only to be reborn, go through the disease again, die again, come back again and relive the cycles over and over until everyone he knew was gone. But he was among the oldest remaining inhabitants in the village - Raine Sage and a handful of others being the only older ones. He knew what it meant to be stuck somewhere forever while the world turned on around him. He uncurled his fist and lowered it, raising his head to look up at Cliff.] Sometimes it just happens and there's nothing we can do about it. If you left, it'd be like that man was leaving for a fifth time and I'm not strong enough to survive that.

[It strange to be compared, even superficially, to a man that he had never met and likely never would meet, but the fist on his chest and the tears that remained unshed and the words that weren't hidden behind a multitude of childish games for once were symbolic of a strange honor that Cliff had never expected. The pain Souji held onto and kept hidden day in and day out was greater than he had realized, and it pissed him off to think that the bizarre combination of circumstances that would likely never be seen again had caused this.

There was nothing anyone could do but pick up the pieces, if it was at all possible.

Cliff lifted a hard, callused hand to Souji's head in silent encouragement-- it was okay to stay like that, no one was going to judge-- and fought through the silence to respond.]

...

I can't promise you that I'll be here forever, but I can guarantee that it's only going to hurt more if things stay like this. You're right about things happening that we can't control, but we can do something about how we handle these things.

[They were simple words, ones that he said to the kids in the dojo who needed help with more than just their round kick, but he knew it was much harder than that. It had taken him years to learn his patience and not react impulsively to every slight-- but, wounds of the heart were far different from a young man's growing pains.

He took a deep breath, finding that calm and holding on to it.]

I'm not telling you to just get over something like this. Sometimes, that's impossible. But, it's alright to take a chance. We're both in the open now, and it's gonna be hard to forget.

[A hand on his head, words of encouragement and understanding, all of it came to him at once and he couldn't hold Cliff's gaze. He lowered his chin, looking down and away. It was impossible to get over being left behind with his history, their history between him and Hijikata. It felt like betraying him to fall for someone else, even if it was only one-sided on his part. Was it moving on or simply ignoring his heart for what was there? He didn't want to be unfair or cruel to Cliff; he cared about him, a realization that scared him more than he wanted to admit. He cared for the big, tough alien from a world he'd never heard of and would never know. He cared enough to push him away for as long as he could because the demons inside him cut and hurt everyone around him.

He knew his history. He knew his future. He knew what would happen in February of the coming year. In such a short time, he'd murder a friend, cause a split in the Shinsengumi. In such a short time, his inability to be human like normal people would cause everything to fall apart.

But Cliff didn't know. He didn't know the Shinsengumi or what awaited them. He didn't know how Souji would die in a back room, wondering how Kondou-san was doing when the man had been executed months earlier. He didn't know that Hijikata would ride into battle and die after hearing that Souji himself had perished from the disease that had taken his family. Cliff didn't know any of it, and as long as Souji kept burning those books, he never would.

He'd only know the man that stood in front of him, the one afraid of being left behind, broken-hearted time and time again as he fell and lost people from all walks of life. He'd come to terms with the fact that Hijikata would never come to see him again. He'd come to terms with the fact that he had to live his life, extended unnaturally. He just hadn't come to terms with the how of all of that.

But the hand on his head was heavy with the weight of life and the words that reached out to him asked him to reach back. Cliff wouldn't stay forever. Eventually he would leave Souji behind as well, return to his life where he never knew he existed. He'd go back to space ships and wars and Quark and saving the universe and never know there was a man trapped on a distant planet still in love with him. But at least Souji would know what it meant to be loved in return, even if it wasn't love, just affection - just something human.

"Some people just aren't meant to be loved."
"That seems so sad."

Slowly, Souji closed his eyes and took a hesitant step forward, resting his head against Cliff's chest and putting his arms around his waist. He was warm. It felt...nice.]

I won't forget.

Don't worry. I won't forget either.

[The words were spoken with a soft laugh of relief as he felt a weight lifted. Sure, he knew there would always be something lurking in the background for Souji, but the mutual respect and mutual affection was enough for him. He didn't need more.

Smiling, he smoothed Souji's long hair and looked up--

and froze.]

Ah-- crap!

[Fayt. Rei. He scowled and stared up at the two of them.]

Hey! How long have you guys been up there!?

[The hand on his head was soothing and he let himself relax until he felt Cliff stiffen under his touch. His gaze moved upward was well and when he caught sight of who was up above, he quickly took two steps back and distanced himself from Cliff. Affection was private, not meant for spying on and he couldn't quite hide the faint flush on his face.

...Although, he did have to applaud them for their discretion. Instead of yelling like Cliff, he held one sleeve of his kimono with his opposite hand and waved up at the two.]

Hello~! Did you enjoy the show?

Dammit, caught.

[Rei has the good grace to actually blush when she looks at Fayt. There's an instant where she contemplates teleporting away or vanishing or something. But no, that's rude and it'd just lose her more face.]

L-long enough, Cliff-san. And yes, Souji-san. It...it was very touching.

[Fayt doesn't blush and doesn't look all that embarrassed, though there is a sheepish grin on his face. as he leans on the railing, waving down at the two.] Yeah, we did. You guys take forever to get to the point, you know?

Can't help but be a little curious. Congratulations!

That-- it's--

[They had been there for 'long enough', which meant that they had seen everything, in Cliff's interpretation. Embarrassed by the attention to his personal life and refusing to give away more than he already has, Cliff simply folded his arms and turned his back on the gawking duo.]

Glad you liked the show, but this ain't no prime time soap!

[He had to laugh, despite his embarrassment and Souji lifted a corner of his kimono sleeve to his mouth, barely containing the sound. Cliff was up in arms over it while their little voyeur's club was all but milking the situation. There was really only one way to break this tension and that was to do something utterly and completely insane.]

Thank you, Fayt-kun, Rei-san. Now, if you'll excuse me a moment?

[He moved quickly, reaching up to both sides of Cliff's face to pull him down for a quick peck on the lips. Then he whispered, loud enough only for Cliff to hear:]

Find me later, hm?

[He let go and started for the door, waving back to all three of them.]

I should go see what the rest of the village is up to~

[Rei watches that display without breaking. It's...a little strange to see her friend doing that, but at the same time it looks so fitting and natural that she can't help but be incredibly happy. In fact, she's positively bursting to see something like this happen.

But she doesn't say a word. Not in front of Souji, anyway.]

[Fayt seems pleased as well, his grin wide and happy.

Really, he'd seen how well these two got along, how much they seemed to click. He was happy that they'd found each other. Cliff was something like a mentor, a brother, maybe even something of a parent at times... and Souji was a good guy, with a great sense of humor who could keep Cliff on his toes. He was happy they'd found each other here. He just offers a quick thumbs up in Cliff's direction, still leaning on the rail.]

[Cliff stared numbly at Souji's retreating form as his brain processed exactly what had happened in incredibly vivid detail. It was wholly unexpected, but...

He shot a glance back at the two gawkers and lowered his brows in warning. A simple hand signal, two fingers pointed from his eyes to the two of them, with the intent to warn that he was watching them was his only message before he set off after Souji.]

Hey. Wait up!

[Because, seriously. Screw messing around with this.]

[Hearing Cliff call out, he stopped just short of the exit and turned, spinning around on the toe of one geta to face him. He tilted his head and gave the taller man a cheeky smile.]

This isn't what I meant by later, silly.

Event Log - Mistletoe

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