lucetilogs | Zompania Draft - Draftees only, days 1-3.5

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Zompania Draft - Draftees only, days 1-3.5

Who: All Draftees
What: This is your death. Followed by your time-traveling life and desperate bomb hunting.
When: From May 22 to May 20 to early May 23 (days 1-4)
Where: Zompania
Summary: Information post here
Rating: Varies on thread, please mark explicit material.

This post is for the draftee-only portion of the Zompania draft--the day 3 death, time travel to day 1, and then the events until the arrival of the reinforcements. Be sure to use the above info post for any plotting needs you might have. Enjoy!

Please note that there is a specific top-level comment thread for:

The day 3 arrival of the draftees and the 6 hours that follow until the bomb is dropped
Death--This thread can be treated as REFERENCE ONLY. Responding to it isn't necessary.
Threads prior to departing for Zompania--post resurrection freak outs, arguments over how to proceed, etc.

All other threading, from day 1 until the reinforcements arrive, should be conducted as normal.

Be sure to tag this post appropriately: [canon] character name

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Rogue tugged off her gloves in a tired motion; her knuckles on her right hand were bruised and cut. She still managed to fit her bare hand in his and weave her fingers between his.

Her brow furrowed as she considered what Loki said and tiredly tried to fit it in a framework. Loki hadn't even wanted to talk to her about what had happened in the last experiment. And if Eugene wanted to talk about it, that probably meant two things. One, that something had happened, and two, Loki had been avoiding him. Which meant that whatever happened hadn't been something good. And following that line of thought further, whatever the not-good thing had been, Loki hadn't told her either, since she had no idea something had happened with Eugene.

...which basically meant it was probably something bad.

But he was sitting right here next to her. So there was hopefully nothing to worry worry about, regardless of anything else.

Rogue lifted their joined hands and placed a kiss on his knuckles. "Kinda hard to have a serious conversation while fightin'."

"I'm of the same opinion. But I suppose it means I am to distracted to escape." He poked her gently on the lips with his finger. "Don't get any ideas, dearest."

"Please," Rogue rolled her eyes, smiling a little. "Like I need those kinda tricks ta keep your attention."

In a less tired mood, Rogue would have nipped at his finger. As it was, she just let her head fall heavily onto his shoulder. She let their joined hands fall back between them again and squeezed his hand lightly, encouraging him to continue if he so desired.

He laughed. "'Tis true. You do quite well on your own."

Loki leaned his cheek against her hair and sighed. Better, he thought, just to have it out now. "During the experiment, around the time you seduced me, Eugene and Jack were made to believe they were of Asgard, old companions of Thor and myself. Juti and Iofast. And we remembered them as well."

He paused to consider how best to put this next part.

"In that false life, before I left Asgard they had been my lovers for centuries. So it was... Interesting upon their supposed arrival here."

...oh.

That was... unexpected.

She'd given him a chance to tell her what had happened, if it had bothered him, she'd all but begged that they talk about it and he had all but begged that they didn't and... this was why, wasn't it.

There were worlds in what he wasn't saying. Worlds of aching and longing and belonging and...

Hell, he said lovers. It hurt to hear the word she'd only heard applied to her, she'd only ever applied to him, applied to others. As tired as she was and as worried and worn thin as she was, hearing this was almost too much.

Almost. It still felt like a slap but she just held Loki's hand tighter, ignoring the screaming protest of her bruised knuckles. "Oh."

Because he was telling her now, and that meant something, and he'd come to find her that night and every other night, and that meant something, and he was sitting here, leaning against her with his guard down, and that meant something too. She could listen and trust him. She didn't want to fight him and she couldn't stand to lose him, so she was going to hold onto him and that was that.

Loki was tiredly surprised she gripped his hand harder and didn't pull away from him. Pleasantly surprised, really.

Well, there wasn't much more to tell, he thought. This had been more than he intended, and he doubted she would want to know the details of what had happened. (Details that still very much haunted him.)

"Yes," he finally said. "So that was what Eugene wished to talk about."

Rogue spoke slowly, her posture exactly the same as before. "I reckon I can see why."

Loki shrugged his other shoulder, the movement shaking the both of them slightly. "It was an experiment. It was not real."

He hadn't been unfaithful to her. He hadn't broken his promise. And everything that had come from that, everything that had made him doubt... that couldn't be real either. He just needed to get it all sorted in his mind.

"Doesn't mean the feelings don't tend ta stick," Rogue said quietly. She stared very intently at the edge of the bed. "Sometimes it can help ta talk them out, put 'em in a different context, make it so ya see where things really stand."

Where they really stood.

Her heart ached like a tooth with a cavity. She shifted, lifting up her head to look at him. Her eyes were earnest and soft. "I trust you, Loki. I love you. I'm not sayin' these things 'cause I'm mad, or 'cause I'm trying to push you one way or another. I'm just sayin' them 'cause I think they're true."

The feelings tend to stick. No. He refused. And why would she point that out? Had he given her reason to doubt? She said she trusted him, though. Did she mean Eugene's feelings? His?

Loki's lips thinned out to a displeased frown. "I am here with you," he pointed out. "That is where I stand. I promised you I would be both truthful and faithful."

The feelings tend to stick. How pathetic was he, how unable to master his own heart? Could she see that weakness in him? Was that what drove her to say things that, to him, felt like an accusation even though they weren't? It was his own guilt that made them so, really.

Hah, and what did it matter? It hadn't been real. It hadn't been real. Juti and Iofast were not real people. No one had taken him against a tree and then spoken of love. No one had sung poetry to him with a truth that burned like light. Those things had not been real either.

Really, he should be grateful to Eugene for closing that door firmly, if at the worst possible moment. If he beat his head against it enough, maybe he'd knock some sense into his brain.

Edited 2014-05-27 04:42 (UTC)

Through tremendous effort of will, Rogue lifted her gaze to his. There were no tears in her eyes, not yet, but those clear green eyes were clouded with concern, worry, and pain.

"I know you did," she said and her heart ached. "I trust you. I believe you're true to your word ta me and that what happened between you an' Eugene and Jack wasn't your choice. Wasn't your fault. I know that."

But now she imagined she could see them on him, shadows of their touch, memories of being lovers for centuries. Rogue swallowed. How do you fight shadows?

She brought her free hand up to his cheek. "So what I'm sayin' is that it's not your fault if those feelings stick for a time. It's not Jack or Eugene's fault either. It's the Malnosso's fault an' I blame them for it. But here on out, Loki, here on out it's all about what you feed. Will you play into that lie or hold onto what's true?"

You fight shadows with light.

"I believe in you," she said again.

Loki turned his face into her hand. "I'm here," he repeated. "With you." There wasn't anything more he could really think to say, and wasn't that the crux of it, the thing that mattered most of all? He was here and not off with Jack and Eugene, happily dealing lies to both sides so he could have everything he wanted.

It would have been so much easier if he could have done that, really. But he'd given his word, and he really had meant it. And Rogue was right. Those things were just shadows, no matter what Eugene had said.

"I'm glad," she said over the voice in her mind that said he's saying that because he wants to be somewhere else, with someone else.

She tugged at him lightly to move and wrap him in an embrace. Focus on what's now. She couldn't be distracted by this now. They'd destroyed the bomb, but they weren't out of danger and she loved him and he was here. He'd told her the truth and he'd come to her. That had to speak louder than anything else. "I'm glad," she whispered again.

Loki went willingly into her arms and pressed his face against her shoulder. It felt strange, wrong somehow to be seeking comfort from her in this matter, but he took it. "I'm trying, for you," he murmured into her shoulder. "I'm trying to be a good man, even though I'm not."

Rogue closed her eyes and rested her chin on the crown of his head, still holding his hand tightly. "You're very good to me," she whispered, even though her heart ached. He couldn't help what had happened. He was trying. He was here.

Gawd, if she screamed, would her heart find some release?

"You're good to me," she repeated.

He sighed against her shoulder. "I'm trying." He huffed a laugh. "Had I a dagger sharp enough to excise those rotted parts of my heart, I would without hesitation."

That caused her concern. She'd seen his disregard for his physical well-being before and hearing parts of his heart referred to as rotted...

Rogue pulled back a little and urged him to look up at her. "Loki, what happened? Why would you say that? Why are you so upset about this now?"

Her eyes narrowed a little. "Did Eugene - try somethin'?"

She didn't really know Eugene from Adam, having only met him a few times. She didn't know if he was the sort of man to discount a relationship and just go after what he wants. She couldn't blame anyone for being attracted to Loki - the man was fire and darkness, flickering change and insatiable focus, and the way he moved... And she knew him. This was more than something that had happened almost a month ago. Something had brought this on, something had made him decide to tell her, and tell her now, in the middle of a battlefield when they both needed all their focus.

And now he was talking about 'rotted parts of his heart' and 'cutting' and Rogue was growing increasingly concerned and, to be quite honest, frightened.

He gave his head a little shake and straightened. "I think myself just over tired," he said. "I have been avoiding the entire matter because I hoped it would all just... fade."

"Eugene just wished to discuss the matter. Hah. And seemed concerned I had been taken advantage of." The very idea! Still incredibly insulting, even now. His affront did show in his expression. "I don't know. I found it all very bothersome."

Maybe it hadn't faded because he had been avoiding it. Maybe it hadn't faded because he wanted it so much.

That was why he wanted you, remember. It was all because of an experiment.

Rogue hadn't been expecting that thought, and it slipped through her defenses with stiletto-like precision. She flinched slightly.

...taken advantage of.

It was very difficult to hear this. She was probably several nearly undetectable shades paler. She watched Loki carefully. "I'm glad you told me."

Edited 2014-05-28 04:17 (UTC)

"I... ought to have told you before," he said, looking down at their hands. "But I didn't want to talk about it." He snorted. "Really, I still don't. I don't want this."

It was as easy as falling for Rogue to make her next jump in logic. At first the words wouldn't come out, even though she opened her mouth, and then she swallowed and tried again. "Because - because you still do. That's what you're sayin', isn't it? You don't wanna talk about it 'cause you haven't been able to shake it."

She was glad he was looking at his hands; she was glad he couldn't see her face. She wouldn't want anyone to see her face like this. Her expression felt foreign on her skin.

It was precisely the thing he had feared, and for this he could hate Eugene a bit. Without these thoughts properly crystallized, he might have avoided the question. Come to a different conclusion.

But rather than answer immediately, he reached out to drag her into his lap. "Ask me if I want you any less," he said, an odd note of anger beginning to color his voice.

The sudden movement jarred her bruised ribs and Rogue couldn't help flinching even though she stifled her sound of pain and surprise. Rogue was fluent enough in the way Loki told her the truth that she knew avoidance meant varying shades of yes. Her face crumbled like old newspaper. She didn't try to get off his lap, but she wouldn't, couldn't ask him that question. Her world had tilted on its axis and she needed a moment to find her ground, a moment to turn her face away from his and hide behind her hair and swallow back nausea.

Her heart didn't make any sound at all, not a crack, not a shatter - rather it careened wildly in her chest as if seeking a way of escape. It had been better before, hadn't it, when her heart had stopped completely.

It was the gasp of pain.

Then it was the silence.

Then it was the sound of his own heart cracking. He had misunderstood everything. He had ruined everything already, even though he had fought himself the entire way.

Destroy everything I touch. Hah.

Part of him wanted to scream this was unfair. Eugene had assured him, that there was nothing wrong... Hah, but Eugene would, wouldn't he. Perhaps it was just men like him that were so broken... Men like him and Eugene both.

It did not matter, he supposed, that he loved her. His heart was already faithless. Well, what other sort of heart would Loki have? He had been right to so despise himself.

Loki lifted his hands away to let Rogue go.

"My apologies, lady," he said, voice gone dull. He had nothing but formal words left. "It seems I have broken faith with you. With your leave, I shall go."

Something snapped. Her world was still off kilter. Her ribs still hurt. But Rogue knew what she wanted, and him to leave was not it. In the wake of pain and loss there was anger, and anger propelled her to twist clumsily on his lap, shifting to straddle him. Her hands when to his shoulders and Rogue got in his face.

"You damn fool, you gotta give a girl a minute to breathe!" She shoved his shoulders against the wall with desperate strength and held him there. "I am angry an' I am hurtin' an' your timing sucks, but for Gawd's sake, Loki, if I wanted you to go don't you think I'd tell you? Pull your head outta your butt. You're tellin' me you slept with other men, men you thought were your lovers for centuries and that the feelings stuck around an' I don't get even a minute to process it 'fore you up and decide for me that you've broken faith and need to walk away? To hell with that!"

Protesting ribs could also go to hell as she leaned forward and claimed his mouth with a hard, passionate kiss.

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