lucetilogs | We're more than carbon and chemicals

Don't you think that might be...[ the problem? unfair? a little too tempting? she shrugs it off. ] You're not supposed to be talking.

Not that I wouldn't...[ because she would if she wasn't also worried about falling into old, bad habits. buffy doesn't actually enjoy being that much of a user. ] I probably shouldn't be talking either or I'll manage to get my foot in my mouth and from this angle, it doesn't look that appetizing.

[ she runs her thumb across his wrist. ]

You've been...freakishly good to me, all things considered. [ buffy remains attached at the hand. ] You probably deserve better than being someone's rebound and...and so do I, you know?

[ there. her anxiety half worded -- that whatever feelings he's gained for his valentine's match have trumped older ones and now they're really just unruffling each other's feathers.

all this him-not-talking business leads her to just...continue, honestly: ] I like you, Jack. I don't want to do wrong by you.

[Jack, unfortunately, misinterprets all of this. She doesn't want him, not in that way. Perhaps in the...friends sense. And, he has to admit, that is something she has always been clear about. The game has always been his.

His feelings about Jilly continue to be confused and murky, like looking into a pool where everything on the bottom has been stirred up. But somehow his heart is hurting more than his injuries, now.]

Oh.

[ buffy, blind to the misinterpreting, feels better for having said her piece. she meant only that they should slow things down and think about this and...and, well she craves confirmation about whether she is playing rebound girl to him. never mind that logic should tell her otherwise; buffy summers defies logic on a daily schedule.

she doesn't say anything else. just squeezes her hand and leans sideways -- setting her head on his shoulder. ]

[Jack clears his throat. Bruises are beginning to darken on his skin where the soldier had hold of him, and he is beginning to wish there WAS a glass of water near at hand.

Then she lays her head on his shoulder and his heart breaks a little more. So being friends is going to involve her use of his shoulder, and the holding of hands? He shudders, slightly. Tenses. This is going to be very difficult for a man with exactly zero female friends. This is like relearning everything he knows about how to treat a woman.]

[ truthfully, this isn't so far off from how buffy would be with a close friend. xander's shoulders were always there to laugh and cry and lean upon; however, it certainly isn't her intention in this instance. instead, buffy has had the full story of archie's plans to court her sister from dawn herself. that kind of slowness impressed her. she had rushed into things with spike because he was there and familiar and they cared about each other and it had been nice, yes...but ultimately not the right fit. ]

Let me know when you think you can go on -- we'll get you back to base in one piece.

Now. Now. I can go now. [Jack reaches back for a purchase on the tree, putting his full weight on the right leg. Dragging himself up to standing.]

[ she makes a point to swoop in and settle herself on the side of his hurt leg, offering an arm. ] If you let me help, we'll get to safety faster.

[He doesn't have much choice but to accept, so he puts on a tight, winning smile.] Aye! Erm...friends!

[ she first tries to hand him her scythe -- she won't be able to carry it and support him considering her busted up arm; although she can feel it mending. ]

...What? [ it sounds like a non-sequitur, to her. ]

Erm. Friends? [The confusion in his voice may or may not be clear. He takes the scythe without really paying much attention to what he is doing, because right now a busted-up heart has suddenly also had the carpet pulled out from under it.]

[ oh. ohhh. buffy's gaze drops and she has to take a moment to understand this. her suspicions can be confirmed, then. jack has moved on. she -- the reigning queen of friend-zonined -- has just been friendzoned. ]

You...want to be friends. [ her shoulders would sink if they were not so busy helping him walk. she has to work through this thought. acclimatize to rejection. sure, she has been rejected before. pretty much all of her significant others had been the one to leave her and a fair share of prospective others beyond that simply couldn't handle her unstable, secret-identity ways.

the more she thinks about it, the more it makes sense. of course jack would just want to be friends. not only has she treated him abominably, but once she started to treat him better she still (in effect) shot him down straight out of the starting gate. though she hadn't thought he had disliked downgrading their post-lesson antics to sleeping bag snuggling. then again...pirate.

all of these things swim around in her brain while they walk. buffy needs to learn to not mix the bedroom with the battlefield. ]

Well it's better than the alternative, I suppose.

[That alternative being nothing at all, or worse, simple business associates. At least friendship had some level of affection to it, even if it wasn't what he wanted. He coughed then, harshly, perhaps masking any kicked-puppy look this topic was summoning.]

[ that is not the image that alternative conjures to mind. buffy nods -- agreeing with what she's not sure she agrees with because what else should one do in this situation? it isn't as though she has been in this exact spot too many times before. angel had been a whirlwind of let's be friends failure but that was because both of them had so sorely wanted more. so he had left. she had denied riley more and he had left, too -- more cruelly than angel had.

no, this exact spot was much more like parker abrams. the boy whom she had been so thoroughly charmed by only to be told, days later, that they had just been two people passing in the night. convenient. has she just walked back into that trap? ]

Right. Because neither of us would want the alternative. [ buffy's own expression of disappointment is so close to her usual look during any kind of uncomfortable discussion. ]

Fine. Good. I confess to you right now, Buffy Summers--the alternative is abhorrent to me in every way. I'd rather...I'd rather be exiled back to the desert than go on that way with you.

[It was a long speech for his injured throat to make, and he wipes a little blood from his mouth by the end.]

Fantastic. And...and I'd rather be in a really, really dull place. [ she needs to one-up his rejection, clearly. ] Like at an opera! Or maybe a waiting room. Or maybe a waiting room where an opera's playing on those little televisions they hook up that are way too high to ever change the channel and you just know the rabbity old receptionist with blue hair is hiding the remote in her desk.

[ a deep breath -- it shudders just slightly at the apex. ] Because -- thinking of you like that? Bored to tears. Friendship's way more...interesting.

[ actually, the third party are missing out on a great show here. ]

[This actually brightens Jack a bit---as well as a man can be brightened when his heart's been tossed out and he has sustained a heavy beating by a Third Party Elite to save the life of the woman he loves only to have his attentions compared to....something he didn't quite get.

At least she didn't want a cold business arrangement. At least he would have something of her.]

You don't regret it, do you? Our...the other night?

No.

[ the truth is out before she stops to wonder just how desperate that must make her sound...pining for something she has (she thinks) now been told is not much better to jack than being exiled to a land of only sand and no ocean.

so she is quick to correct herself: ] I mean -- there was a thing and we were...and it stopped before that thing got too thingish. And that's a good thing. [ for all the things she is saying, just as many go unsaid. she continues forward with him and their close contact makes this all extra awkward but...but she doesn't care to leave him walking alone. ] So we can all sleep better at night knowing we dodged the alternative bullet. [ oh, buffy. you haven't been sleeping better at night at all. hell, she hasn't been sleeping. ]

[So that was a yes, then. His heart drops further, lodging somewhere near the sole of his boot.]

Oh. [He fishes for some kind of comparison to make, trying to understand her feelings on it:] Like.......ships. Passing in the night.

[Sadness. O sadness, Jack Sparrow, who has been dreaming of those hours since she left that morning.]

[ she flinches at those words. her fear, then, is becoming reality. this makes her truly grateful for applying the breaks that night...how much worse would this conversation had been had they -- ?

she isn't going to cry. ]

I guess you'd know all about that. Ships, passing. [ buffy doesn't get that he is trying to encapsulate what he think she is feeling; instead, she assumes this is his line. his version of parker's 'didn't you have fun?' ]

[Jack stopped short, then. It was so cold of her. Callous. He'd never pegged her for being that way.]

If---if you ever change your mind about that...?

[Then what? "I'll be here? Down in the gutter?" That is where he feels he is at this moment, but not in a good way.]

[ how could he even ask that? she focuses on the ground and on avoiding poor, unleveled patches of earth to guide him over. change her mind about being the consolation prize? because his newly found jilly must have rejected him -- she can glean that much from her conversation with the girl and from how the other night had progressed. unless...unless all that kissing and cuddling and singapore knife skills had been on the sly. buffy has a minor mental freak-out over the possibility of being the other woman. this is not going well.

she shakes her head. ] If I change my mind, I should go elsewhere. You've made that way beyond abundantly clear. No alternatives -- I'd hate to ruin this brand spanking new friendship with...y'know...business.

[ only she's not using that word like you might be thinking it, jack. ]

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jack and buffy have outlawed straightforwardness from every conversation ever

true dat

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