lucetilogs | Event Log

[Cliff had just been about to make a retort about Souji being anything but old. He wasn't much older than Albel or Nel, and still plenty energetic--

--But the kiss, however brief, was entierly unexpected after the meandering distance that remained between the two of them as they came to know eachother. It was a simple little peck, but it was enough to throw the Klausian off his game.]

I--Souji. ...What?

[Give him a moment to find his words.]

[He pointed up at the vanished plant, the same ever-unchanging smile on his face and backed away. Leave no time to think, no time to react. He just backed away and smiled.]

It worked, isn't that what you wanted?

[Cliff frowned, but there was a glint in his eyes that made it clear that he had another idea...]

Look, if you're gonna kiss someone, then you've gotta do it right.

[To make his point, he grabbed Souji's hand and pulled him forward, swinging him over for a warm, classic movie-style kiss that lingered for as long as Souji would allow.]

[He didn't have time to react and his brain could barely comprehend what was going on, but suddenly he was pressed up against Cliff and there were soft lips against his. The shock was long enough that he didn't pull away instantly like he might have. The mistletoe was gone, so why would Cliff - even as a woman - do something like this?

A moment of clarity - memories from before flooding back - and then he pressed his hands against Cliff's shoulders and gently moved him back. Now it was his turn to ask questions.]

What are you doing?

[Full stop. Cliff pulled away at Souji's quiet insistnence, but didn't release his grip. The stunned look in the other man's eyes set Cliff on a spiral of wondering if it was truly too much offered far too soon.]

That's a kiss. [Then, he echoed Souji's question from moments before.] Isn't that what you wanted?

[Having his own question thrown back at him was even more jarring and Souji could feel his usual footholds giving way. He'd decided to lock that part of himself away years ago, far before Luceti, back when the war had started and he had promised his life to it. Then again when he'd learned that he wasn't going to live to see the end of it.

And again after watching all the people he'd ever learned to care for disappear one by one. Cliff had become a wildcard - someone he cared for as a friend, someone he'd been "married" to during a shift, and someone who had given him a taste of what it could have been like, if he hadn't been him.

He felt lost for a moment, loyalties pulled in two directions and all his secrets bubbling up to remind him of why he couldn't be happy. Why he still burned books late at night when Kohaku was asleep, why he still avoided contact with too many people, why coughing even a little made his stomach drop - so many different reasons, but most of all: while everyone else died, he couldn't be happy. He wasn't allowed to be happy. But that would mean that being with Cliff would make him happy.

Was this what he wanted?

The moment passed and he gave Cliff a quiet, almost pained smile.]

...Not like this. I suppose my little joke went too far.

...

I see.

[Quietly, he set Souji down properly on his feet but didn't let go. The simple feeling of Souji's hand in his was a reminder of something that could be. Although he was a man getting to be a certain age, he hadn't done any time engaging in any major extra curricular relationship. He was a wild guy, the sort that never wanted to be tied down, and the formation of Quark put an added risk on anything and everything he did. The risk of putting someone he cared for in danger because he was who he was simply wasn't worth any kind of reward....but, those worries weren't valid in this strange little world.

The memories of that shift in the summer had mostly faded, but he remembered the warmth that they had shared. Even in that moment, behind the bittersweet smile, Cliff had a hunch that it still was possible.

True happiness wasn't necessarily in the cards for Cliff either. Although he knew from both Fayt and Albel that they kept Dr. Leingod's wish and succeeded in their task, he also knew that his world would be a mess. Politics were a messy thing, and Quark was a known force in the Galaxy.

Time was a factor in every regard. For the first time in a very long while, Cliff had a chance to sit down and think.

He offered Souji a small, accepting smile in return.]

...I'm not sure about that-- but, whatev. We can do whatever you want, just keep in mind that I'm right here. And, I'm not planning on going anywhere either.

Edited 2014-01-08 05:23 (UTC)

[That was what scared Souji the most - the promise that he wouldn't be left behind again. He'd been promised too many times and every time it ended with an empty room and no chance to say goodbye. Even the quiet disappearances that others never seemed to notice, Souji saw and felt and knew. He looked down at their hands, still linked for this brief moment and he wondered.]

...No one ever plans on going away.

[But they all had - Sasurai, Kohaku, Martel, all his friends from home, the alternate versions of them, Ramirez, Giles, everyone. Once he got attached, they always left and came back rarely, if ever, and Souji was tired of learning to open his heart only to have to close it again. He stared at the unfamiliar hand in his, smaller, less rough, and felt the heartbeat of his friend - someone who could be more if he would (could?) only take that leap of faith.

Cliff would never push, Souji was too afraid of himself to act; they'd be stuck like this forever and he'd been in this position far too many times for far too long before. It ached and he felt hollow at the same time and the warmth of the hand began to burn his skin. He lingered a moment too long, a moment that telegraphed everything about how much he wanted this but couldn't bring himself to take the chance and he knew it, but some part of him wanted Cliff to know that, too. Eventually he pulled his hand away and it felt like slicing his skin open on hot steel, the lingering warmth growing colder by the moment.]

I've seen too many people shed tears over the lost, and I promised someone I would never cry again. I don't want to break that promise.

[He just had to keep convincing himself it was impossible - that Cliff was just playing along, being a joking friend, only a friend - and he could live with the ache as he had for years back home. He knew what it was to be in love, but to never have it. He knew how to cope, how to smile and tease and keep everything at arm's length. He just had to do it again. He just had to forget what it felt like to be loved during the summer and how much of a hole it left in him. He just had to smile and he raised his face slightly, smiling like he always did, hiding away even as he felt a part of him beating against walls as he did so.]

But for as long as you are here, so will I be. Someone has to keep you and Fayt-kun entertained, hm?

...don't just worry about us. Think about yourself too.

[He dropped his hand and closed it, as if to preserve the warmth of that touch. Reading Souji was like trying to read ancient Earthling philosophical texts without a translation guide-- misinterprete one subtle phrase and the entire meaning is altered. The smile seemed like a curtain falling in his mind. one that hid everything on stage and only left behind the pretty tapestries and music for the audience to enjoy.

But quiet actions provided enough of an answer for a question that Cliff didn't dare ask. It would have to be enough, for now.

He shook his head, as if trying to shake free from the strange web the two of them were weaving, and was hit by a wave of dizziness with the action. Humming in confusion, he lifted a hand to hold his head.]

...wow. I'm feeling weird all of a sudden.

I've been here for nearly five years, Cliff-san. I don't think they'll ever let me--

[His answer was cut short when he saw the way Cliff looked, the confusion and dizziness evident on his face and in the hand held to his head. Souji reached forward, stopping just short of touching Cliff's arm.]

Are you alright? Do you need to lie down?

[Five years. That was longer than Cliff realized-- but the Malnosso were the Malnosso and Shifts were Shifts. Cliff shook his head again, managing to hold himself upright through the dizzinesss.]

Well-- this is...

[Words trailed as he fought a strange, tickling sensation in his nose as he felt his temperature rise. He took a breath--

And sneezed, in a cloud of glitter.]

Edited 2014-01-09 01:08 (UTC)

[The sudden sneeze and cloud of something-- sparkles, glitter (how ironic) -- sent Souji jumping back. He landed, whipping out a fan from his sleeve to deflect most of the glitter away from his face. His clothes were a lost cause, but at least he wasn't completely covered. The cloud began to settle and Souji coughed, waving the fan to clear the air a bit more.]

Cliff-san?! Are you alright?

[Silence.

The sparkling confetti wafted to the ground with the gentleness of a spring breeze, revealing one (1) half-naked Klausian man standing in a pair of thin New Feather pants, staring in bewilderment at his hands. The discreet and functional set of gym clothes he had just been wearing were folded in a neat pile by his feet, but sat forgotten.

Numbly, Cliff looked up and stared at Souji.]

[Just within a moment, in the middle of a village wide Shift, his own personal little spell had ended with just a simple kiss...]

....

What the hell is this supposed to be, some kinda children's fairy tale???

[Cliff ran both hands through his overgrown blond hair, reminded for the first time in a month of how badly he needed to get that haircut. Of all of ways for the alteration shift to end, he hadn't expected it to be like that.]

[As the glitter began to settle, a form emerged from the cloud - a tall and very familiar one. Souji coughed again, fanning the glitter away and then looked up for the first time since he had come to see his friend.]

...You're...back?

[And apparently still needing a haircut. And also half naked.]

...Wait, do your children's stories often feature tall men turning into women and having to be kissed to turn back?

... [To distract himself from the fact that the woman he just kissed was now a man again, he began to take off his thick wool haori and handed it over to Cliff.]

Your planet is very strange, Cliff-san.

The ones I'm talking about are from your planet.

[Although he knew that they might seem like they were from a different one, given the divide he knew existed between cultures in Souji's era. He shook his head again, tossing glitter specs from his hair, and looked down at Souji in curiosity as he took the haori.]

And it's not guys turning into girls necessarily. It's people being turned into something else in general, and having the spell broken with...

[He cut off, chuckling softly in embarrassment.]

...a lover's kiss.

Edited 2014-01-09 02:18 (UTC)

From my--?

[But he'd never heard of that. He knew that foxes and snakes could take human form and deceive a man into loving them, leading them into deep dark woods, but to have it broken off like this? Not so much.

At least until Cliff's explanation came through - then he was glad that he'd stopped talking because his sheer shock and embarrassment caught his voice in his throat. He couldn't hide the small amount of surprise that flashed across his face as he scrambled for a different explanation than... that. A lover's kiss? They hadn't - weren't that. In fact, Souji was trying very hard not to think of anything like that and-- Despite himself he felt his face flush as he coughed and turned his face away, trying to hide by fanning the glitter away again.]

Maybe the mistletoe helped.

[Cliff also turned away, trying his hardest to hide the embarrassment he knew was visible on his face.]

Uh-- yeah. Maybe.

[But the words were spoken, and there was no taking them back now. As a distraction from the awkwardness that was threatening to settle in, Cliff took the haori in both hands and held it out to examine with curious eyes.]

...Uh. How do you wear this thing? I don't think it's gonna fit.

[Souji allowed himself another second to collect himself and then he snapped the fan shut and slipped it into his kimono. The haori was probably not going to be a great fit, but it would be enough to get Cliff home for now at least. Back to wear he could get real clothes.

Reaching out, but avoiding direct eye contact, Souji took the haori and moved fluidly behind Cliff.]

Arms down and behind please. They wear much like your jackets, although the sleeves will likely be a bit short on you.

Hm...? Aye, aye.

[He nodded in acknowledgement of the orders and quickly obeyed, adjusting his stance so that Souji could work. Short would be workable, and the haori was a more tasteful option than sneaking into the clinic and stealing their bedsheets again. A repeat of last winter wasn't necessary.

While Souji maneuvered, Cliff decided to fill the silence with his own words.]

...Actually, there was something I was meaning to tell you before-- I mean, I probably should have said it before, but I just didn't realize it until recently. It doesn't need to be anything big, but....well.

[Rambling. He hadn't actually planned out how he would broach the topic once he figured it out, but it never seemed like it could have any chance. After their encounter that afternoon, Cliff wasn't certain any longer.]

[He slipped the haori up along Cliff's bare arms, unaccustomed to seeing his friend without his gloves on. Then he stood on his tiptoes as he tried to pull the haori up onto the man's shoulders. He had to sweep Cliff's hair out of the way to do so and, as if on auto-pilot, took out a small hair tie and began gathering the hair up to put into a ponytail. Automatic actions meant he didn't need to think, and he didn't want to think - he just wanted to be as normal as possible and then avoid ever feeling this heartache again. He didn't want to hear what Cliff wanted to say, so he tried to distract him with a silly question.]

Hm? Do you need me to cut your hair? It's getting quite long and I'm used to cutting hair by now.

No. The hair's fine.

[He tried to look over his shoulder despite Souji's work in an attempt to meet the other man's gaze despite the attempted distractions. There were times when ignoring the situation were fine, but ignoring anything in the long term was never a good idea. Despite anyone's best efforts, such acts could lead to far more frustration and heartache than anything else.

It was strange, but Cliff wanted to at least try.]

And, like I said, it doesn't need to be anything big but-- I dunno. I've had a lot of time to think recently. [There wasn't much else that he could do during those weeks he was gone, after all.]

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