lucetilogs | School Log!

Entry tags:

School Log!

Who: OPEN! Anyone! Teachers, Students, anyone dropping in for the open classes, anyone at the battledome (from about 1-3 pm), newcomers with questions, etc!
What: Catchall school days
When: March! (You can vary the dates if you'd like, if you want something from last week or on the 17th and onward, it's fairly open there.)
(Classes run from 9 AM-roughly 2:30 PM, and the log can include before and after-school activities)
Where: School / Battle Dome
Summary: It's been a quiet few weeks in Luceti, but school is still in session!
Rating: A+

[For some sense of guidelines:

- Anyone joining for the first time is allowed to poke around and ask questions and (possibly) take or have handwaved taking a test so they can join in immediately!

- The playground is open for after school or lunch break interactions. The cafeteria is also open. Also, random classrooms are available for students wanting to use it for private tutoring/study hall sessions/club meetings whatnot.

- World Sharing and Magic lessons are held at the battle dome, so non-attendees can observe if they like.

- You're not limited to the headers! Just do what you want--these are just some suggestions as to what's going on, but they aren't the be-all-and-end-all of what can be played with! Chat with each other, set up things! It's meant to be for CR!]

As always, please add your character to the roster here and update if there are any changes! Also, students/magic class participants, please respond here when you have a chance! Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Duck told me that she saves him, so that he can save me. [From some undefined horrible thing besides her bad decisions and loneliness. Something worse.] But after that, how could he not choose her? All I've ever done is cause him pain and heartache, and all I knew about myself was a lie.

[Duck... Duck. That name is so familiar.

....

Oh god. Oh god. The shard- the heart shard- that thing Teddy's had in his-

Holy crap. This is the other side of that story. He takes a moment for that to sink in, eyes wide. All of that was because she...

...wow. This is one screwed up situation he stuck his head into, not once but twice.]

Okay... two questions. One: do you think that saving someone automatically makes them love you? And two: even if that's true, and that's how the love story ends, what about the rest of your life?

[Uninvolved as she is with restoring Mytho's heart, Rue doesn't know most of what has happened with the shards; she just finds out some mornings that another one appeared.]

Mytho is the rest of my life. He's the only one who could ever love someone like me. ...Without him I don't have anything.

[...Is this a teenage girl thing? He is so super out of his league here if that's the case.]

Look, I understand that... losing the one you love, however it happens, can feel awful. It can... make you feel like your life is over. Like theres nothing left.

[The memory of Teddy, limp and visibly dead and bleeding is a sight that will never, ever leave him, and the madness that had followed as a result will haunt him just as long.]

But you can't let your whole life revolve around one person. You don't know that he's the only one because your life isn't over. You're still living. And there's millions of other people in the world. In the universe. There's so much potential, but first you've got to love who you are. And I reiterate: saving someone else does not make them automatically soulmates or anything. My love life would be way more complicated if that was the case.

[As she suspected, it seems impossible to make anyone else understand. Something tightens hard in Rue's chest, so quick and sharp that her hands rise to cover it.]

But I do love him. With...with my whole heart.

[She doesn't want or need anybody else to love.]

[Well. Love, at least, he can understand. Even if the thought of hurting someone to keep them is...

...okay, he can understand that, too. To an extent. But he doesn't think that saying, "I did that too when I was crazy" would be helpful in this instance.]

Have you... you know... told him?

Of course I have. [Rue shakes her head, at last finding a desk to sit in, uncertain of her legs for the first time in a very long time.] But loving him and wanting his love in return...have only hurt him. He doesn't deserve something so terrible.

See... the thing about dealing with other people, is... they get to decide whether or not they deserve you. It's kind of amazing, really- how highly someone can think of you, when... all you see in the mirror is garbage.

[He glances down, hands clasping and unclasping in discomfort. He thinks about it so rarely now, or at least he makes an effort to try not to, but... well, it always does come back, doesn't it?]

A while ago, I... I almost killed the person I love. There's no excuse for that kind of thing, no way to apologize. It hurt us both. It hurt a lot. And I thought... no matter what I'm feeling, it can't compare to him, right? After a betrayal like that... how could he choose to love me when I'd broken his trust so completely? Who would?

[Though Rue did not kill Mytho, turning him into a giant crow servant of the Raven was as good as. No amount of pity he might feel for her could change how dangerous her love was, how all an ugly worthless girl like her could do was hurt people.]

I was...going to do something that might have killed him. To- to free him from growing any worse, any more cruel and selfish and dangerous. ...It can't be undone, the things I did and said.

No, it can't. It never can. But the whole point of making mistakes is so you can learn from them- get stronger, become better. If you really regret what you've done, it means you're not a monster. And it also means that you can apologize and try to make amends, whatever way you can.

[He steadfastly believes that. Even if Teddy hadn't forgiven him, even if it had been impossible for them to stay together, he'd have wanted to do something more than just apologize. Giving up... it just isn't in him anymore. And he doesn't want to encourage it in others, either.]

[Billy is the second person in her whole life, so far, to tell her outright that she is not a monster. Even Duck didn't use those exact words.]

Right now, he doesn't remember it happening. My apology would matter little, if at all.

...Then you should tell him. Tell him, then apologize, and then make amends. That's the only way you'll be able to know where you might stand with him, both now and in the future.

[But I don't deserve to be forgiven. And she doesn't think she can survive unforgiven.

Billy seems to understand most of the problem even though he's - in Rue's opinion - dreadfully wrong on a few very important matters. Waiting and trying to curry favor with Mytho in this state is much safer and easier in her mind.]

That...would be so hard to do.

Of course it would be. You did something terrible, didn't you? Apologizing isn't supposed to be easy.

[He gets it, he does. He'd turned the lives of dozens of people upside down- people he cared about, people he loved, people who'd trusted him. Some had forgiven him, others hadn't. And some were gone before he could find out if the ever would.

Months later, it's still hard.]

But it isn't fair to leave it like this. To pretend you didn't do it, or... to run away from the truth. It isn't right.

He is from a time in the past when it hasn't happened yet.

[Not all of it. Some of it has, some of the cruelty and wickedness and selfish love. Rue no longer sounds like she wants to argue. She feels defeated, and so very tired of her performance now.]

[Hm. Apologizing for wrongs that haven't happened yet... that's harder. And he's not so sure anymore about what the right answer is. Still... just leaving it like this way doesn't feel right, either.]

What's the alternative? Suffer in silence, always wondering what he might say? It seems like this makes you so unhappy... are you okay with doing nothing?

[It would be worse to lose him forever.

It would be what she deserves, for putting him through all that pain.]

I don't know. I...I-I don't want to hurt him anymore.

Then... help him. In any way you can. Even if you don't tell him the truth in the end, it's never a bad thing to help people. Might even help you too, in the long run.

[Help him.

Help him without damaging him, preferably. Rue presses her lips together, covering her mouth with one hand. Just help him. And love him, because she will always love him, and she's learned a lot about loving unselfishly here in Luceti.]

I can do that.

[Small victory, that. It's very rare that people are willing to take big risks on the first day, and she's definitely struggling with this a lot.]

That's good. I think it'll do some good.

[It won't make her less of a terrible person. Rue pushes the hair out of her face, hardly noticing when it falls forward all over again.]

Why did you start talking to me about it?

[Billy purses his lips at that, quiet for a moment. That could potentially be a difficult question, but... looking at her now, remembering what she'd said, it's not that difficult at all.]

Because... you called yourself a terrible person. I wanted to see for myself if it was true.

[What a tiny reason. Rue hunches, wondering at his feelings now that he knows so much of the truth after all.]

Has this been proof enough?

...Yeah, I think so. I've seen plenty.

[It's familiar, actually; it makes him remember all too clearly how he felt about himself for a long time. That helps him believe that maybe, with some work, she'll do okay.]

I think you're an unhappy person who's done terrible things... things that you regret. But terrible people, in general, don't regret what they've done. So there's that.

You think I'm not terrible just because I have regret for what I've done?

[When she thinks about it that way...well, the Raven doesn't regret any decisions other than raising her. Rue folds her arms around herself, shivering.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject