lucetilogs | We are the named and we are known

Entry tags:

We are the named and we are known

Who: All Draftees
What: Arriving at the dorms
When: 26th
Where: Dorms, location unknown
Summary: Dorm information is here. This is your room!
Rating: PG... we hope?

Your characters are shuffling off to their rooms. Each room has their name beside it and only they can open the door. People can only enter their room if they're allowed in (or they leave the door open). Characters will find any requested items in their room already. If they have a requested vehicle, there will be another door in their room that will take them to the hangar to inspect their equipment.

((Mod note: Extra draftees won't experience their Shift Incompatibility handicap in their dorms. :|a))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Handling a gun isn't a funny matter, Minato. Would you be less hesitant if he was smiling and laughing while doing this? The answer takes time to come again and is accompanied with a sigh.]

I used to own some model guns and rifles when I lived back in Tokyo. It was my only hobby besides studies.

[The statement itself isn't odd, but combined with that expression it is. He seems almost ashamed of having a hobby like that.]

...But you don't anymore?

No. Not anymore. This is the first time I've touched anything similar to a firearm in more than a year. It makes me sick in the stomach to handle those but I've to use everything I can to be sure I survive and can help as I want.

[...Something must have happened. An accident with guns? Either way, he's not sure if he should press more now.]

You might not need to use it at all.

That would be awesome but I'm not going to become useless by avoiding using those. If we get attacked I'll use them, don't worry I'm not going to break or miss my aim due distress.

[It will be the first time he would be shooting at something alive head on, but he will be fine. They aren't children and they want to kill them all. He just has to focus in that they would kill Rika and the others too.]

I'll be depending on you.

[...whatever happened, if Keiichi says he's strong enough to overcome it, Minato will leave it at that.]

Hey, that's not fair, I was going to depend on you, you know.

[Teasing, Minato can probably tell that the comment made Keiichi really happy. After all all he wants is to not give Minato more problems than what he has already. He's also a bit grateful for him not pressing on... One day he will tell you all, Minato. He's not sure if he's ready yet.]

Just like you depend on me for breakfast. [teasing is better than him being upset. Minato will encourage this behavior.]

Nah, I also depend on Rena for that. I guess that makes me a two timer?

Not to mention that I also drop by for dinner at times. Hmm... I do drop by pretty often, don't I?

[What, he never really stopped to consider how many times he had done it during the week.]

It'd be a problem if we paid for food. [not that... Minato wouldn't let him freeload regardless tbh]

I would pay for my share in that case anyway so it wouldn't be that much of a problem. I'm actually quite good at handling money, I don't go around spending it too carelessly.

I spent mine on my friends anyway.

I would have done that too if I had friends back at the city. At Hinamizawa I still kind of did but there wasn't much in which we could waste money anyway.

[he's starting to wish he could have met Keiichi when he lived in the city and dragged him out somewhere...] Having fun is the most important thing.

[He would have had to deal with his parents and teachers, as well as convince Keiichi that studying wasn't that important.]

I know that! I... Always knew, honestly I don't mind studying but I always got bored at school, because many things were too easy or just not interesting. I always got average grades because I skipped many questions in the exams because they didn't make sense or weren't really interesting even if I knew them. To always study was boring, I wanted to do other things but I had no talent whatsoever.

Until the gave us one of those intelligence tests that don't seem like that and even if I skipped questions I still got a very high result that showed that I was bored at school because it wasn't a challenge for me. So...

[He trails off as he realizes what he's talking about.]

[Minato had meant that more as a comment that having things to spend money on was less important than being with the people you care about. But... Keiichi sharing more about himself isn't bad.]

Since you knew you had talent, you started trying too hard.

[Keiichi blinks and looks at Minato before shaking his head.]

Not really... I don't think I ever "tried too hard". Though I suppose it can be said that way too.

[His attention goes back to the gun he's working on.]

Because it was clear that I was smarter than what everyone had gotten to believe, I was transfered to another school for more gifted people, where classes would be more of a challenge. And my parents took away the free time I had before to enroll me to cram school, since the teachers said that encouraging this "talent" of mine and getting many studies would help me get a bright future, so they sent me to the best cram school they could find so I kept having challenges.

Honestly, they weren't that much of a challenge. I still found them simple but at least they were a bit more interesting and the exams were better made so I answered everything as it was fun and interesting to do so. And thus my grades improved, or rather, they were the grades I could have always gotten. By itself it didn't matter for me, I was honestly angry at how things went, because with cram school I didn't have time for anything. I never had friends because I was such an average guy, but at least I had time for myself that I used to hang around at home or read or watch television or whatever. With cram school I went out of school to get into more classes and then homework for everything. I hated it... So I often rebelled, slept late on purpose so I didn't have time to eat the breakfasts my mother worked hard on making, studied until hard at cram school so I boycotted dinner too and didn't have to talk with my father...

But it served for nothing. As long as my grades were great my parents and teachers praised me constantly and my allowance got raises with each exam that I got with perfect marks... And I had a lot of exams between school and cram school. So even if I kept boycotting them, I came to think that maybe it wasn't so bad if they were paying so much attention to me with my grades.

[He sighs and pauses again. Honestly, looking back, he just can't understand what was on his mind back then, how his mind worked. He was such an asshole in every way. He complained that he didn't have friends with whom spend his free time, he complained about easy and boring classes but he still complained about getting challenging and interesting classes and about getting his free time cut. He was just a spoiled bastard. If he could he would definitively punch the him of back then.]

[That's still 'trying too hard' .... trying to be noticed in all the wrong ways, at the expense of making his real feelings clear. But Minato just nods. Even if Keiichi is obviously upset about the him of the past, he's just happy to hear more about what's been troubling his friend.]

So I kept studying, even if I hated it, even if at times I wanted nothing but skip class and spend the whole day hanging around even if I had to be alone. But the praise felt good and everyone kept repeating how bright my future would be if I kept studying, how so much intelligent I was and what not.

[A small pause and then he continues in an almost disbelieving tone. As if he can't fully identify with the guy he was once.]

They said it so many times that they convinced me and I came to believe that I was special because even against challenging classes they were still easy for me. I sneered at those who struggled to get even an average note, finding them pathetic, sitting there, trying to squeeze every drop of knowledge from their heads while I barely had to make any effort. It didn't matter to me if everyone in my classes and schools hated me or bullied me. I was better than them, they were just jealous, that was what I repeated myself. And I kept boycotting my mom's meals and avoiding my dad unless I knew they were going to praise me because there was no point in wasting time with them. My bright future and the praises wouldn't come if I sat down to chat, but as time went on and I kept getting great grades those become predictable, usual and no one praised me but if I got them down even a bit they would jump on me so I kept studying and got even more angry because I was doing something I hated for no reward at all...

I don't really remember when I forgot that all I ever wanted was to have fun, you know.

But you moved eventually.

[This is a subtle way of letting him change the subject if he wants to. With a buildup like that... Minato can't imagine that the ending is very good. For such a dramatic shift in Keiichi's mindset he must have been driven to a breaking point.]

[There's silence, only the sound of Keiichi cleaning the pieces and putting them back together slowly until the gun is in perfect shape again. He holds it on his open palms, as if measuring its weight, it's different from a model gun, those are a bit lighter, but he doesn't think he could see the difference now. Both would feel equally heavy to him.

He could tell Minato. Minato's his friend, so he could tell him. It's not as if it would change anything... Part of him is afraid of Minato despising him but after so long together he sincerely doubts it's possible for that to happen. So it would mean nothing if he told him or not, nothing would have to change.

But he would like to tell, because it's something his. Only about Keiichi. There's no Hinamizawa in this story. There's no syndrome, no conspiracy to kill Rika, no Takano. It's just Keiichi all over it... An old Keiichi, long gone, but without whom the Keiichi now wouldn't have come to exist. If he could go back in time he would punch that Keiichi, he would beat him until he got back to his senses, until he remembered what smiling really felt like. He would punch himself a thousand of times... But he wouldn't stop him, even if after the beating his old self wouldn't understand... He would let him act, because those acts, as horrible as they were and as much suffering as they caused, brought him to Hinamizawa. Allowed him to be the Keiichi he always wanted to be... Still if there had been another way to get the same result without hurting that girl, that would definitively be the best world.

So he wants to tell Minato about it, about what he thought, what he thinks, about the part of him that despite getting sick holding a gun, is still fascinated with it. Simply because it's something no one else can tell him unlike with anything related to Hinamizawa. Because he has never told anyone, even if he remembers doing it in another world, this Keiichi never told anyone. He doesn't remember all the bits of when he told to the girls, maybe if he did he wouldn't want to tell, but still... It's not about forgiveness or pain, it's just about Keiichi wanting to share something only he can. Even if it's something horrible, it's still part of himself, that's not wrong to want, right? Want to tell just because of that isn't something bad, is it?

Maybe he should think more about this.]

Hinamizawa was definitively a great change, my father searched a lot for a place for us to move and start over. Do things the correct way, so even if it was a small place and it didn't have many things, I loved the village right from the start. I don't know what kind of person I would be if I hadn't moved there... Though I suppose I would have still be fine, as long as it was a new place for me.

Getting shaken up like that can sometimes be the best thing.

[If he'd never moved back to Port Island... well, he'd probably be the same as always, not unhappy but not truly happy either, existing just for the moment and not for any big purpose. Despite the things people would pity him for it really hadn't been a bad existence. He'd certainly never been pushed the way Keiichi had. But moving had woken him up regardless, not just to Personas but to the different people living and struggling all around him. Even if he was blank himself he could be a mirror for others, to help them find happiness, and through that seize it for himself as well.]

It certainly was! I'm really glad I moved to Hinamizawa... I'm glad that I was brought here too. Honestly even now, if I was asked to count the good times I've had here and the bad ones, I wouldn't be able to come with even five bad ones. But I would be left without numbers to count the good ones.

[He's really glad he got to meet you and Haruhi and everyone else. No matter what, he wouldn't change this for anything. Just as he wouldn't change Hinamizawa.]

I agree. [....] Though I think after this week we need some more good.

We will have to work hard to get the proper balance back then... But I won't skip school in a while, I want to stay up to date, but we can always do things after school.

[Don't worry, he won't cling to you to drag you to skip classes in a long while.]

We are the named and we are known

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