Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die:

[all7seas]

Who: noprevaricating, hippocraticly, lists_to_port
What: Two Eighteenth-century Sailors and the Tractor That Didn't Love Them. And McCoy, covering his eyes.
When: Day 1 of the Draft; after this.
Where: A farm near the battlefield, and its surrounds.
Summary: Jack and Archie have decided to tend to matters of war, in spite of difficulties caused by shifting irregularities.
Rating: Jim Varney wearing John Goodman's trousers and Jed Clampett's hat.



The first thing Jack Sparrow noticed after being transported to the battlefield with the rest was what amounted to excruciating pain in his right arm.

His sword arm.

It dangled from his shoulder, badly broken and useless. And pink.

On his knees in a pile of dusty straw, Jack inspected the damage, and found it very bad indeed; he found he could not feel the fingers on his right hand at all. Clutching the useless limb to his chest, he looked about. "KENNEDY! BONES!" Where were they in this chaos?

...

And why was he COMPLETELY PINK?

Comments

[simplestgift]

Archie propped himself up on his elbows to answer, squinting at the burning tractor. "I fell asleep?"

[all7seas]

"Like the fair maiden in the fairytale."

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

He shot a withering glare at the pirate and then looked back at the lieutenant. "Or it could be one of those irregularities. You two shouldn't be here, damn it. It's too dangerous."

[simplestgift]

Archie was already standing up and dusting himself off, trying to disguise his profound relief. "Yes, thank you, Captain Jack. Perhaps it won't happen again, Doctor. What should we do now?"

[all7seas]

"Well I won't be kissin' you if it does, mate." Jack hugged his broken arm to his chest and coughed up a chicken feather. When he finally recovered from that, he made a suggestion: "What we need lads, is an alternative form of dashing transport."

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

"... Actually, we need to fix your arm first. Sit down." His tone left no room for argument.

[simplestgift]

Archie watched as the wind carried the smoke from the burning tractor in the opposite direction of the small party, then took a few steps back and considered himself on watch while the doctor fixed his unprofessional setting of the bone.

[all7seas]

"OI! EASY there, McCoy! Hurts, you know!" Jack proceeded to be an infant about the whole affair. Much like that famous painting about dogs playing poker, except the reverse of that, he was going to exhibit doglike qualities like growling and pulling away from the man who was trying to help him.

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

He was used to his patients being unruly when all he wanted to do was treat them. Scowling, he tried to treat the skitter pirate and muttered about the man being an infant under his breath.

[simplestgift]

Archie continued to scan the landscape for enemies. Something didn't feel right, and he wished he had his pistol.

[all7seas]

Finally Sparrow submitted to letting McCoy take a look at his arm. He admirably did not scream as the sling and splint were removed.

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

He couldn't really berate Archie for the way in which he managed to patch up Jack and resisted in rolling his eyes at the primitive method he did so and tossed the phaser at the lieutenant instead. Should they be ambushed, then he'd shout out orders how to use it. Or maybe the man would figure it out for himself, judging by how they had hijacked the tractor in the first place.

"Kennedy, keep a look out."

[simplestgift]

Archie caught the baffling-looking instrument and inspected it. Supposedly it was a weapon of some ilk. He took a few seconds to make note of all the buttons on it, but ended up dismissing it as useless afterward. Holding it loosely in one hand, he obeyed orders, still feeling like he was doing something wrong.

[all7seas]

"Oi, Bonesy---he looks like a proper spaceman now, does our Kennedy. And---OUCH! BUGGER!"

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

"Keep waggling that tongue, Sparrow." McCoy griped as he began to treat the broken arm. If there was one thing he could thank the Malnosso for, it was the tools they supplied him with and particularly handy little bone-knitter device.

[simplestgift]

That's what was bothering him. Archie turned his eyes up to the sky. Way, way overhead were winged creatures, circling like vultures. "Up there! Above us!"

[all7seas]

"I think we're all agreed, gentlemen, in our present thoughts of 'Oh, bugger.'" The pirate turned his eyes from the ominous activity in the sky to the bone knitter before shutting them tightly and holding his breath. If this was going to hurt, he at least did not want to SEE it hurting him.

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

McCoy's reaction was less than gentlemanly and tried not to let himself be distracted, but hissed out a weighty: "Shit."

[simplestgift]

Archie tried hitting buttons on the phaser. There were some interesting-sounding bleeps, but nothing until he hit the one that went BZZZT! and vaporized a chicken. "...Oh!" He sounded pleasantly surprised.

[all7seas]

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

"Goddamn it, Kennedy!" McCoy got to his feet and grabbed the phaser from the lieutenant before he could vaporize anymore poor chickens. The other ones didn't seem too bothered by its untimely demise; chickens were callous like that.

[simplestgift]

And Kennedy grabbed it right back. "I was just learning how the damned thing works, Doctor. I've got it now, and I don't miss." He wondered what the range of accuracy could possibly be on a futuristic light-shooting gun like this.

[all7seas]

"Chickens everywhere? Cowering in terror, mate. ... Chickens." Sparrow was just going to add something more about that the fact of having a badly broken arm that was being healed by a bone knitter distracted him. "How long does it take, doc?"

[hippocraticly.livejournal.com]

"Give me back my phaser!" No, he was not being childish.

[simplestgift]

"Doctor! Treat your patient!" It's given like an order, even though a ship's surgeon wouldn't really have been under his command. He points the phaser to the sky and fires once, hitting one of the descending soldiers. And watching in awe as the creature simply ceases to exist. Whoa.