lucetilogs | Event Log - Total Recall (2)

[It's hard to know if she recognizes the bird, but it's obvious enough from context that it is a rude gesture.]

I said I've read this sort of thing before! And I meant picture books -- normal ones! I didn't even know things like this existed!

[She doesn't remember any terms for manga -- not even comics.]

What are you- This is a stack of porn!? [blushing and flaming as he reaches two down in the pile and picks up a new doujin which isn't a lesbian sequel but some other thing with a super porny cover and shoves it in her face.

I dare you to decide what it is]

[Assuming that he opened it to a random page when shoving it in her face: A penis. A penis is what it is, taking up what one might feel is an undue amount of panel space. But, for the sake of context, let us look into the past, as per the view of the doujin....

In 20XX, a curious phenomenon was spreading across the country of Japan....

Beginning with the view of a city, the panels of the first page slowly zoom in on the house where some schoolgirl is just stirring. The text in boxes manages to seem longwinded within just ten sentences -- an impressive feat! But eventually it winds to a close on the title spread on the next pages: ...to find they had grown a penis overnight.

Well. The girl (let's just call her Curls because her hair is pretty curly) does look fairly startled at a sudden lump in the shee --

No. No, that can't be caused just by sudden penis. You could house a small elementary schooler in the space tented out by that. Good Nerifes.

Well, there's no time to prove one way or another, because Curls is now wandering into some school clubroom with...let's call her Sports because she is clearly falling into the archetype of high school sports star with "boyish" appeal. You can almost see the fan club of first year girls reflected in her eyes. If you listen carefully, you can hear the slight echo of "if she were a boy, I'd..." following her around like a strange aura, except no you can't this is a paper medium and also that is silly.

There are a few lines about how the "others" are busy. Three names get tossed about, suggesting that this is a group of five, but they're going to be referred to by nicknames because like heck am I going to remember any of the names by the time the others get introduced. They settle into the club room of...whatever club it is.

And then Sports comments that Curls seemed off today and asks if there is anything wrong. And then we are given a full two page spread of awkward double-entendres about penises. ...Four pages, my mistake. ...Six pages. The metaphors are getting really mixed now. Okay, moving on to...slapstick that wouldn't be nearly as much of a problem is Curls didn't have a penis...and a bit of double entendre...and......

...Okay, twelve pages of double entendres about penises is excessive. Are we done? Okay, yes we are, because a red-faced Curls has finally come to confess that she suddenly has a penis, except by "confess" I mean she just flipped up her skirt to show this penis (which is the page that Fenimore is getting thrust in her face right now).

A...rather large...penis. Like...very large. A huge, lovingly detailed penis. Perhaps excessively detailed. Like, not to claim expertise on penises or anything, but I suspect that most of them have fewer veins than that. And they seldom bulge to quite that extent. Then again, very few of them are that large. Because if you heard that soft susurration, it was the wind caused by the simultaneous shifting of legs by nearly all those who possess vaginas crossing them in front of those. Like, that large. Really big. And detailed, if I didn't mention before. No invisidick in this one.

But, seriously, man, calling b.s. on this one. There is no way that she kept that hidden under a skirt the whole time. This thing would require unusual levels of ingenuity to hide in loose pants. And that's just while flaccid. This thing would become gigantor, eater of pants, if any boners happened. What am I writing, even compared to previous accounts. Why did you challenge me to use this genre. Why did I accept. What am I doing with my life I just want to play P3P. There are no -- there is a smaller giant-penis-to-plot ratio in that. Geez. Geez.

Okay, fine, continuing onto things that are likely to never have any purpose in a months-old thread because that's how I roll deal with it. Seriously, Fenimore isn't going to read further and I doubt Rin will either if he sees this page. Because this is the page they're on. Gigantic wang just hanging out here. Hi.

But anyone who turned the page would discover that Sports was probably about as stunned as anyone who came into this not expecting it and notably less aroused than anyone who came into this expecting it. There's a brief, inarticulate exchange between the girls before Sports asks how this happened.

AND THEN SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE COMES...let's call her SCIENCE because a schoolgirl wearing a labcoat as casual wear probably says that a lot. Except SCIENCE would be hard to type out a lot so let's call her Specs instead because she has those. Of course.

"THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION." It seems that both Sports and Curls are not entirely used to this by the way they startle enormously, but are used to it enough that Sports adopts a Not This Chinese Lion Dog Again expression a couple of panels later as Specs delves into.......

......this artist needs to learn about conserving space before delving into a five page, wordy discussion of this phenomenon. It seems the author is some kind of science enthusiast, because they are throwing around long biology terms derived from someone who took a lot of notes in high school biology class and kept them in a special notebook that they keep to this day. This enthusiasm has stopped short of actually looking into any relevant physiological phenomena as biology majors the world over shed a single tear of regret and are not quite sure why unless they actually read this, in which they probably are already weeping. Then again, regardless of the myriad of wonders of science, it probably would require enough handwaving to power a small windmill to provide any reasoning behind overnight penis growth.

This explanation has left both girls stunned enough that they don't notice Specs has moved on to...handling the implement. Oddly, Sports seems the more startled by this, being the one demanding an explanation. Specs seems surprised to even being asked, noting that since this condition is only affecting 1 in 10 000 girls in adolescence, this is a rare opportunity for study. Sports then attempts to appeal to Curls, but Curls appears to be losing resistance quickly under Specs's...ministrations, which is an unpleasant surprise to Sports.

Specs argues something that implies that owning a penis is being about two jerk-offs from total anarchy. It's kind of weird. But apparently convincing because before it makes sense Sports is helping and suddenly it's double blowjob all the way across this page. Not sure what it means, though, since Sports is being tsun about it. This is just to get you back to normal!! This continues for a bit. I'm not describing it.

Eventually, though, Specs wants to put Curls's ponos to her vagoo and j j jam it in! FOR SCIENCE. This causes some unexplainable (I'm sure) dissatisfaction from Sports, but also from Curls, who apparently would be a bit awkward having her first time for science...but wouldn't have as much of a problem with her longtime friend Sports. (Yuri fans of the series squeal...now.)

Except Sports seems to have a problem: "but I'm not gay." Never fear, though. Specs has a solution: she'll join in. As they say, it's not gay when it's in a threeway.

...After a moment, Sports begins to ask "but wouldn't at least one of the participants have to be a --" but Specs has already taken out her Giant Battery-Powered Dildo of Science (trumpets) and has begun this threesome process. The consent here is kind of dubious, but that's apparently a thing in doujins, like even when it's not intended to be. But at least there isn't any more protest...well, no more than is standard amongst even the most vanilla of.........yeah this whole thing is somewhat dubious. She seems to get into it later, though...not that that...really makes it not dubious........moving on.

Eventually, though, Curls does ask permission to cum inside, at least. Sports is somewhat weirded out by this request (and also is having trouble paying attention with everything going on), but, well, since they're both girls, it's not like she could get pregnant.

...Wow, Specs manages to begin another longwinded author-approved speech on the "science" behind this while doing her thing behind Curls. The gist of it is that yes, there is a way for the recently enpenised to create a sperm equivalent even without balls. It makes no sense, but like Sports is going to be able to figure that out at the best of times, let alone now. She attempts to alert Curls to this new revelation, but ...too late. They all cum together, unlikely as it sounds, because this is doujin.

Wow, this doujin has been really long already, but there's still plenty more to go, because while Curls and Sports are lying in the afterglow contemplating their place on the Kinsey scale, Specs has quietly gotten up and opened the door to allow the last two members of their group in.

One is obviously the main character, since she is otherwise largely unremarkable compared to the more odd designs of her compatriots. And the other is.....is.........oh my gosh, it is a tsundere loli with twintails and absolute territory and...I think I am at a loss as to list all of her stereotypes. It's like they came up with all the other concepts and then put every other possible concept into this one character. Or they designed this one first and introduced her before someone took a look and went "hold on there, this is like if twenty walking stereotypes met in a very focused breeding program. stop it."

Regardless, it looks like MC and Miss Moe have been listening and watching this all go on, which causes no end of embarrassed hullabaloo on Sports and Curls's end. However, Specs seems to believe that MC and Miss Moe liked what they saw and are ready to join in. In face of protests, Specs just flips up their skirts. Under MC's skirts, her panties are...okay, I know the expression is "wet" but that's frankly excessive. And Miss Moe is --

-- okay, really calling bull here. Even if Miss Moe's body is small and makes other things look bigger by comparison, that penis is way too huge, even compared to Curls's. That thing should smack her on the chin when it pops out. It can't get on Disney rides by itself but one suspects at first glance that it might be able to squeak by some of the smaller rides in high heels. It's an impossible penis -- not that impossibility of physical properties has stopped anyone even in non-porn. And, yes, it is just as intricately detailed as the previous penis. Also second bull on there being two people with this in a five person group when it's supposed to be a 1 in 10 000 occurrence.

You know what? Use your imagination. An orgy happens. I don't actually have any problem with anyone liking the genres described in this, but I have no jokes left for this anymore and I've spent hours on this. We're done.

...Or, almost done. There's illustrations at the back of this massive doujin that seem to suggest that these are also magical girls like everything else Rin has picked up. The club appears to have been a cover to let them get a room in the school. They show all them with penises, except, oddly, for Sports, who is just pregnant with Curls's baby. There's also an illustration of what appears to be a female antagonist ~~who may be a snake woman for the sake of fulfilling that request~~ pegging a male antagonist...except pegging is the wrong word since she is also futanari'd. With more endowment than the male antagonist, who appears to have a somewhat more realistic length and girth.

There's also what appears to be Mobuko-chan as a middle schooler...with a penis. It seems that, before Mobuko-chan became a magical girl in the generation of the previous books, she was a long-standing background character that just ascended to main character status when she became magical girl age as defined for the series.

Oh and Fenimore's reaction is a shriek. She attempts to punch a hole in the doujin or, failing that, at least punch it out of her face.

P.S. If it's just the super-porny cover, it also implies this futanari-ing with a penis bulging through panties. Might not be immediately noticeable if you're not expecting it, but it's there.]

Edited (http://www.plurk.com/p/gx0bkc) 2012-09-10 08:18 (UTC)

[and it is punched out of his hands. And then it falls to the ground... open to an orgy...oh.

Well.

That's.

He looks from it to her and then it and... and...!

...Porn and-

He wails not even sure how to handle this and flames go in every direction. It burns up most of the doujin (okay all but the three we've created here) and bags and other things but... also both of their clothes. Or at least everything but his boxers and probably her ~~pantsu~~ pants?]

[Her underwear probably looks a bit funny to him since her people aren't exactly in a position to make the elastic needed in modern Earth undies. Assuming that his control of not burning underwear isn't so specific that it only affects stuff he recognizes as underwear.

There's a moment where she is trying to process what happened and isn't really reacting, which I guess gives him good opportunity to see what is technically her sister's body thanks to the You Are What You Love effect, but is pretty much equivalent thanks to the twin thing. But, before that processing even quite passes, she will just...punch him in the face if she can and he's facing this direction. If he's not facing her, she'll probably try to land one on his back for the principle of the thing. If she had been standing up instead of kneeling, she probably would have kicked him where it hurts instead, so this may be an improvement.]

Don't look! [Even if he isn't.]

[Let's go with the face punch and magic semi-modesty preserving. These are the flames of the heart, man. But no, he's flailing and now punched in the fact he wails and loses his own balance, to fall back on his butt, his flames sending out another torrent!]

I ain't looking or not--- [hing. Okay no, he just looked now on his ass.

Boobs.

Blushing, he forces his eyes shut and wails again]

[She shrieks and flinches at the next torrent of flames, half as an unthinking "FIRE!!" reaction and half as a slightly more self-aware "DON'T BURN THE REST OF MY CLOTHES!!" reaction. And then...he is looking.

She curls up to try to cover herself up as best she can. It is only partially successful.]

You just did! You...you...! [Words fail her, so she trails off in an annoyed sound that might be unsuccessfully onomatopoeized as "ergh!"]

Sorry, sorry! [In fact, he wails and then covers his eyes with both hands. That was not something he wanted to... okay maybe wanted to see but...]

[Just keep that thought to yourself, Rin.]

"Sorry" isn't good enough! Do something about it!

I am! I'm protecting your dignity! [Why his arms are wrapped full around his head now and he's going to face away from her]

You aren't the only one I don't want to see me like this! Don't tell me you can -- can do this and you don't have any kind of backup plan!

[Good thing that Rin is being a gentleman, because she is angry enough that she temporarily forgets to cover herself with her arms and waves them angrily. But the moment passes quickly before she curls up on herself again.]

Why would I plan for you to be a perv?!

[Both hands over his eyes, he's now even trying to walk away, a little groanerific-ized. It's irksome]

[Were she currently calm, she would explain her belief that, if this is something he does sometimes, he should be prepared to deal with the fallout of people losing their clothes, circumstances leading up to it aside. But, man, even if she were calm before, being accused of being a perv would make her not calm, meaning that explanation is condensed to:]

You're the pervert! [She temporarily abandons her modesty-preserving attempts as she gets up to follow after him, attempting to intercept him for a punch. Except, while she is bringing her fist back, she undergoes a change of species that she doesn't notice until her suddenly Kryptonian fist makes contact.

...Better hope that this turns out like an ecchi anime scene if it lands on you, Rin!]

[Oh it will.

It will.

Though to be honest he can totally take a Kryptonian punch, just not well. Either way, he goes flying into the neat house over before being launched back into her like he hit a springboard or something. Wailing all the while]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

[Good thing he can, though if he were anyone else it would have been a Fanalis from Magi instead. Either way, she automatically attempts to shield herself with her arms as he rebounds towards her, but she's knocked off her feet anyway and they likely end up in a pile.

Her shriek is cut off as the breath is knocked out of her on the way down, leaving her momentarily stunned both physically and mentally.]

W--- WHAAAAAA?! [And he leaps back, on reflex, his hands forced over his eyes and as a result of the movement back his tail probably brushing... somewhere. On her. And he apologizes. Or tries to?!] So- sorry?! What - you're strong?!

[She squeaks. Fortunately for her, it doesn't brush anywhere too...untoward, but her lower thigh is not used to being brushed by demon tails, especially since she normally has those covered by dresses when they aren't being incinerated.]

I -- I'm not supposed to be --

[Wait, she's not getting sidetracked...!] You were going to leave me here like this!

You want me to stay here with you like this?!

[He turns his head now in the direction of her. albeit still with his hands covering his eyes and...] It's weird, and I don't even got anything to put on you!

[Mind you, boxers are sort of more socially acceptable

[Orerines swimsuits may make seeing people at the beach really weird, but, since she doesn't really understand the difference between them and modern underwear, this makes this not a whole lot weirder a sight to her. ~~Which is good because it gives an out for why I forgot about Rin's own state of dress a couple of comments back.~~]

I want you to find something for me! I shouldn't have to deal with something that's not my fault!

I'd still need to walk away to get your the stuff! [And now he's going to get a bruise. He totally aches from that punch, ow]

...How was I supposed to know that's what you were doing? [She's going to do her best to not feel sorry for giving him the bruise.]

What else would I be doing?! [He can't even turn to get away from this can he? HE's got his eyes screwed shut but...]

Runni -- fine, whatever! Just...do it, okay? [Her eyes dart around as she looks to see if there is a convenient bush anywhere nearby.]

Fine, then I will just do it! [.....Buuuut as soon as he takes a step to turn away from her the world distorts some and... suddenly he's in some sort of forest?!

No actually he just shrunk such that the grass is towering over him]

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[Day of hideous ] WARNING: DUBIOUS CONSENT OF...FICTIONAL DOUJINS. also warning: just pain weird.

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