lucetilogs | Event Log - Malnosso World

[It's... strange, being the one with enough confidence to move. Or not confidence, no... determination? Either way, Billy knows that if one of them doesn't move, they could be there for a long time. Which... would be problematic, with the both of them taking such issue with being around people right now.

Okay. So. ...Getting up.

Keeping his hands around Teddy's, he braces himself against the wall, using its support to slide upwards from his knees. He pulls Teddy up with himself as best as he can, squeezing gently on his fingers. It's okay. We're okay.]

If... we keep moving, people might not notice us, right...?

Right...

[That fuels Teddy more, and he starts to stand up on his own two legs, as weak and stiff as they felt. Once he's standing up straight, he keeps his head low, gaze on their hands rather than on Billy's face and, for once, he's unable to hide his troubled expression.

What's he seeing? Someone who flips out when his powers are switched off? Someone with an ugly bruise on his face? Someone who's too broad too short too weak too everything?

He's terrified to see what he sees.]

Is this some kind of carnival? [He tilts his head to glance to the side, catching sight of the rides in the distance, the smells, the people - shit, he has to look down again.] Or a park?

I... don't know.

[He wishes he did- he wishes he had answers, reassurances to give to Teddy. He wishes he could just turn his powers back on and make everything the way it should be again.

But... even if his magic was back - and if he hadn't promised, and if he wasn't still sick with guilt from his accidental spell - he wouldn't... really want that.

It's the first time in weeks that he's felt like he can trust the emotions he sees on Teddy's face. He doesn't want to lose that again.]

What... a weird place to...

[And that's when he trails off, looking up, up for the first time, and seeing... endless black.

That's definitely not what the sky is supposed to look like.]

[The way Billy trails off makes Teddy hesitate, unsure if he even wants to see what he's looking at. He glances up anyway, sees that Billy's looking up, and that makes him raise his own head.]

What? What's...

[He trails off too when he looks up, and he ends up gaping a little as he stares at the sky. It's like absolute darkness, and yet everything on the ground is as clear as daylight. That's... definitely not how it's supposed to work, and definitely not what the sky is supposed to look like.

It looks familiar, too. Like...

Wait.]

Are we in space?

It... looks like space. ...Luceti space, I mean...

[It's a very different experience from the time they'd shared on the MSF space ship, that's for sure; much less of a serious atmosphere for everyone around them, for one. It was almost festive, which was all the more evident because of the fact that they weren't really feeling it. Still, while he can't see the planet looming mysteriously in the distance, looking into an endless sea of black isn't that different, whether it's from the surface of the moon or a ship.

....]

Maybe... we should ask someone.

... Yeah.

[Teddy's not quite paying attention to what Billy's saying, seeing how he's still staring up at the dark. It's not like the space ship, but in a way, it's still the same, still the endlessness of it. There are no stars, not even a planet like last time, but something about it still attracts Teddy like a moth to a flame.

Thus, while he'd rather look stoic and quiet like the fake him did, he looks awed.]

Wonder where we are... [The moon again, maybe a different spot on it? Or another planet?]

[Either option would be cool. And while Billy's still eager to find out what's going on and then get the hell out of dodge, maybe find a nice corner inside to hide in for a while, he can't help but notice Teddy's expression.

After everything, and the sight of space still makes him look like that.

It can't hurt to indulge for a while.]

...Dunno. But it's... pretty cool, huh...?

Really cool. We could -

[Teddy lights up for a moment, because they could go see where they are, maybe go searching until they find the surface of wherever they are, let Teddy geek out and figure it out himself, maybe...

... Orrrrr maybe they should get the more important things done first. He lowers his head again, the smile fading, but a flush in his cheeks and a sheepish look follows right after.]

Find... someone who knows what's going on?

[Billy's sad to see the awe and pleasure fade away, but the sheepish blush is pretty great to see, too. He watches it for a long moment, then reluctantly glances away to get a look around.]

...Information booth? [He points. That's probably a good place to start.]

[Teddy looks where Billy's pointing, and - seeing all those people around it, all of them just as eager to know what's going on, Teddy starts to tense again, and he just knows he's going to start trembling in a second. Goddammit, why are there so many people here who can see just how pathetic he - ]

Oh... right, that. [He feels like shifting, he wants to shift, wants to so badly, but nothing moves, he can't hide away his nerves or his expression or anything.] Well...

[But he's no coward. So he takes in a breath, then starts to head to the booth, still holding Billy's hand tight in his own.]

[Billy gives Teddy's hand a little squeeze, trying not to let his nerves show as well, though he knows he's not doing much better. At least they're in this together, and hopefully they'll keep each other from bolting.]

Maybe we can just, um... take a brochure...?

[They can be brave! Just. Not too brave. Yet.]

You think they have any? Or are they just gonna throw us to the sharks?

[Like unsuspecting and unprepared New York tourists, the ones who always get lost and stare up at huge buildings like goldfish and completely block the way and can't keep up with the fast-paced environment, gosh, can't they figure out that you just follow the crowd and you'll be fine, ugh -

Oh, right.

As they get closer, Teddy's steps falter, though with Billy anchoring him, he doesn't stop or slow down too much. Maybe there is a brochure, maybe they're at least lucky enough for that.]

[Thankfully the place isn't too terrifying, even up close; there's someone manning the booth, but they mostly look bored, so they won't speak unless spoken to. Billy shuffles over to the edge, as far from the person as possible, and snags a pamphlet from the counter, holding it up for both of them.]

..."Malnosso World"...

[It might not have been too terrifying for Billy, but Teddy keep his gaze on the ground, finding his shoes (his very... torn up shoes, he should probably find some clothes while he's here since he can't shift any) to be much more interesting than all these people who are probably staring at him right now. He already sticks out like a sore thumb enough, with his clothes ripped to shreds.

But with that word, "Malnosso World", Teddy looks at the pamphlet with a perplexed, if slightly disturbed expression. Considering they were being tortured by the Malnosso just a few weeks ago...]

Wait, then why does it look so... [He looks behind him at all the happy rides in the distance.] ... Cheery?

[Billy follows his gaze, then looks back at the pamphlet. Then at the rides. Then the pamphlet again.

....]

I... think it is a park.

[...

Nooooooo way.

When Teddy turns back to Billy, his eyebrows are raised with a disbelieving smile, as if he just heard that Fluttershy was originally intended to be the villain of the series.]

So this... is their version of Disney World?

Maybe? I guess? It sounds like Disney World.

[He'd been there once, before his brothers were born and it became a trip for five instead of three; it had the same sound to it, the same atmosphere. The confusion of the newly-arrived Lucetians aside, it was a sea of people and chattering voices and happy shrieking. The scent of carnival foods and confectioneries, stalls and displays and uniformed employees...

....

Mascots?]

...I think we might actually be asleep. This is a really weird fever dream.

[Teddy's never actually been before, only to smaller carnivals with lots of games and very few roller coasters. Sure, he always wanted to go, but this? This is more like pointing and laughing at his desire to go as a kid.

He looks at Billy, wondering if he should follow through with his urge to pinch him and see for themselves if this isn't a dream...

But that would be stupid, wouldn't it?

So instead, Teddy frowns a little and looks ahead again, unable to help biting his lower lip.]

Then you're in my weird dream, or we're having the same really weird fever dream. [He lowers his head as he glances to the side at other people who've come to the information booth, wanting answers.] We should probably go... somewhere. [Out, he'd like to say. But can you get out of a dream?]

Edited 2013-11-02 08:59 (UTC)

[Billy nods absently, hesitantly letting go of Teddy's hand to unfold the pamphlet. There's got to be more information in this thing...]

It looks like there's housing for us... I mean, the people from Luceti. We could check that out.

[He glances over at Teddy, reaching out to briefly brush a hand over the ripped material of his shirt.]

Maybe... get you something to wear, too.

[As soon as Billy lets go of his hand, Teddy holds his elbows again, nails digging against his skin and just barely fighting off the urge to start scratching again. God, that stretched feeling just won't go away, and it feels like every single part of him wants to shift it away, but nothing's happening at all. It's the most uncomfortable feeling in the world, and Teddy feels a lot like going between a couple of buildings again.

When Billy brushes his clothing and makes that comment, Teddy looks at him briefly before he lowers his head again, taking in his appearance.]

Sorry... I freaked out a little back there. I look dumb like this, don't I?

[Dumb? That's not the word he'd use.

Actually, the word he immediately thought of, after hearing that, is something he doesn't feel comfortable with saying right now. Not with his head still a mess, or with Teddy's insecurities so prominent, or... how vanilla their relationship has been, physically. Which is his fault, like everything else is.

It just means you have to be strong for him.

So be strong already...]

You don't look dumb. Believe me, I've seen you like this enough times to not care. But you don't look very comfortable, and I can't... fix it anymore.

[His gaze drifts to Teddy's hand, the way the nails are digging in, and lets his own hand slide down to grab hold of it, pulling it away. Enough of that.]

Come on.

[Teddy's momentarily taken aback by the fact that Billy actually could pull his hand away. Or, rather, move it enough for Teddy to make himself stop gripping his skin in such a way. Usually when he resolutely doesn't want to move some part of him, no one without super strength could make him stop. Not to say that Teddy isn't strong right now; compared to the average person, he's still athletic, still quite powerful. But to his own power?

This is so weird... But at least Billy doesn't seem to mind his clothes being shredded, although Teddy can't be totally sure if he's being truthful or not. He shuts his eyes and nods, loosening his hold with his other hand and lowering that to his side.]

Right... sorry.

[There isn't much to say or do after that; they make their way to the housing complex for their enclosure, find themselves a room, stock up on some edibles, and... well. It's back to what had become the norm for them, this past month. Billy gets as far as reading the pamphlet and trying to cheer Teddy up over dinner before he retreats to his usual post by the window again, though for once he's gazing out of it to study what he sees, instead of letting it pass him by. The room they'd been granted has a nice view of some parts of the park, and at the very least it offers him something interesting to look at. That's new.

He sleeps, not too long after that. Not because he's tired, but because it means that he won't lapse back into his own little madness and upset Teddy again. He rolls around in one of the two big, cushy hotel beds they have in their room, feeling selfish and needy and lonely and frightened for his love, and he dreams.

His dreams are particularly bad that night, though he doesn't scream or cry out. It feels like he's fighting the entire time, wrestling with some mysterious foe, a struggle that goes on for hours on end. He's done this duel before, subconsciously, and there never seems to be any hope of victory.

And then, unexpectedly, just before dawn... he does win. Finally, after weeks of incoherent nightmares, he watches his enemy vanish into the shadows of his own mind, dissipating entirely, to become just a memory. A bad dream, what-have-you. And after that the tension leaves his body, he relaxes beneath the soft covers of his hotel bed, and he sleeps peacefully for the first time in a month.

And in the morning he wakes up. He really wakes up- alone, not just physically, but... mentally, as well. He lies in bed for a long time, just feeling for it, reaching into his own head for another presence and finding nothing, over and over. He'd had moments of hope before, moments of desperate need to be himself again, to be Billy Kaplan, just Billy Kaplan, and he's afraid to hope again, but...

He'd always found it, before. This is new, the sensation of being nothing more than what he'd always been- or had been, before it all went to hell. Just Billy. 17-year-old, awkwardly neurotic, sarcastic and nerdy gay superhero. In training.

Or... I was.

And the voice is his again, his alone, and it's when he thinks those words that he finally feels the mask of indecision crack. He lets the tears fall from his eyes and he shudders uncontrollably, hands clenching into tight fists in the sheets.

It's me. It's me. It's me, it's me, I'm me...

...just me...

If this is a dream, then god, he never, ever wants to wake up.]

[When they got to the room, it didn't take Teddy long to smack face first into the bed and fall asleep immediately. He'd been so tired, hardly getting any sleep for days, and he just knew Billy could tell. Chalk up another fault that Teddy's clearly showing off with no way to get rid of it. Maybe this time will be better...

But he dreams of knives and crazed laughter and blood and feathers and a voice saying it's better this way, and Teddy's snaps awake, breathing hard with his fingers gripping into the pillow. He looks at the clock and, surprisingly, he actually managed to sleep longer than four hours.

That means Billy's asleep, and he can hear him twisting and turning in the sheets. Teddy lays there for a long while, just listening, knowing that this has happened before, but not the reason for it. A dream, a crazy dream, that's what he thinks... And every time this happens, he feels like he shouldn't interrupt. It's when the screaming happens that he tries.

When Billy finally settles down and really sleeps, Teddy shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh. It's such a relief to hear that... if Teddy can't get sleep, then at least Billy can. He needs it.

Teddy, meanwhile, quietly slides out of his bed and sneaks to the restroom, where he flicks on the light and squints at the mirror, waiting much longer than usual for the pain of sudden light in his eyes to fade.

And he just looks.

...

He looks terrible.

Without his shifting, he can pick out every single thing that's wrong, that he knows is undesirable, that he never really liked about himself. He rubs at his too-broad shoulder, feeling the ache of laying on his side for too long. He looks at his too-boring eyes, the slightly teary, red look from lack of sleep, the shadows underneath. He looks at everything, criticizing every flaw and knowing there was nothing he could do about it.

Nothing right now, anyway.

And - God, it was such a good idea. Actually write down the things that he needed to fix to be perfect, the best ideal boyfriend that Billy could have, the one he subconsciously wanted. He looks at himself and nods, ignoring how sick it makes his stomach feel. Yes... it's the best idea, if a bit sleep-deprived. A good way to spend time too, before Billy wakes up.

When he returns to his bed and lets the morning act as his light, he takes out a pen and a sheet of paper and writes. He writes for what seems like forever, picking out the flaws, saying what he could do to fix it. Everything hinges on Billy and his response to it - he remembers once, when Billy was lost to the world, Teddy had looked at him with green eyes and Billy actually looked right at him and spoke. That was a good sign, so that was a plus. But then other times, he didn't... It was so confusing, so, so confusing.

He just doesn't know what to do... it's upsetting, aggravating, nerve-wracking.

Teddy's just scribbling a frustrated line into the paper and thinking why not just fix everything, everything looks terrible, when he hears the sound. Shuddering he hadn't heard before, sniffling, hiccuping, and when he looks up from his list and looks, he sees the source of it. Billy, curled up and gripping the sheets, crying...

The list lost all importance for right now. Barely even thinking of it, Teddy pushes it under his pillow as he slides out of the bed. He's reached Billy's so quickly, yet when it comes to touching his shoulder, he hesitates. What does Billy want? To touch him, to reassure him, to ask what's wrong, to leave him alone? He doesn't know... He feels like he doesn't know anything anymore.

With a deep breath, he touches Billy's shoulder and leans enough to see his face better.]

Billy? Billy, hey, what... what is it? Another dream? It's okay... [He lets his hand rub gently up and down Billy's shoulder, a natural reaction that still leaves him a little uncertain. Was it all right...?]

[More than all right. As soon as Billy notices his presence - feels a hand there - he jerks and grabs a hold of Teddy, inhaling with a gasp. He’s back. He’s okay. He’s safe. And Teddy… Teddy’s here.

This means… they’ll be fine, right? Eventually?

After everything… all this waiting, and he’s still…

…we have to be okay...

Swallowing back another sob, Billy laces his fingers through Teddy’s, and looks up. Really looks up, looks Teddy straight in the eyes with a clarity he hasn’t had in a month, with eyes for once untainted by any other colour. Back, he’s back, he’s-]

No, I’m… I’m okay. [His eyes widen, saying it aloud just makes it sink in further, another shudder passing through his body. Oh god. Oh god, it’s been a month since he could think, a month since he knew his thoughts, words, and feelings were his own…] Teddy, I’m okay...

[He’s hoping the implication there is obvious, but he’ll happily clarify. For him, it’s still sinking in that this is real.]

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